first stick, now ice

This past Wednesday, we attempted a family dinner at a restaurant.

Attempted being the key word in that first sentence. We attempted to eat an entire meal, in public, with an unpredictable toddler.

Yup, you guessed it, we left with take-away about 15 seconds after the entrees arrived.

To be completely fair, Bumper was not in a good mood. She never is when it comes to restaurants*. She just can't hack sitting still when there are people to meet, chairs to climb, and mayhem to be unleashed by her 22 pound super powers. And to boot, her teeth are giving her guff. These last four are coming in sl-o-o-o-w and painful.

* most recent exception: Father's Day celebration for my dad - she would push pennies uphill with her nose if Poppy asked (though he wouldn't).

Anyhooo.... remember a few posts back where I told you what Bumper called a stick? Yes? Well she has topped that baby book moment, not once BUT TWICE this week.

First in the restaurant. She really wanted to chew on the ice in our water glasses so I asked the waitress for a glass of ice. There's just something about drinking water that has been groped by a toddler in search of precious, precious ice that makes me kinda gag. So yes, I asked for glass of ice, hold the aqua, for the sole purpose of Bumper's entertainment and teething-relief.

Anyhooo... Bumper, in her Bumper way, asked me what this scrumptious cool treat is called. I told her it was ice to which she promptly responded by screaming ASS! She then proceeded to scream for ASS! for the remainder of the meal (which thankfully wasn't that much longer - but still).

Oh, and to share her new found word, she repeated it the next day in the grocery story when passing the ice-packed fish counter, which was also packed with grannies who apparently have really great hearing.

I am and always will be the antithesis of June Cleaver as far as some of my neighbors are concerned.

Second time: I bought myself a nifty little Hello Kitty! coin purse to hold my subway tokens, and because Hello Kitty! is so ingenious, there is a wee clock on the side.

(How clever, eh? a little clock in the side of the purse - btw, do you see where this is going? yes? well read on because it isn't that simple).

So she asks SB what this little thing on the side of mommy's new purse is, and upon being told a clock she resumes playing with the purse.

The next day we get on the subway and when she catches a glimpse of mommy's new coin purse she demands to see it. Once it's in her hands she starts telling me in a very loud toddler voice that this is dah-dee! c'ock over and over and over again.

She would not stop talking about it:

dah-dee! c'ock
dah-dee! c'ock
dah-dee! c'ock

I so wish I had a spy cam because the facial expression on the woman sitting in front of us was well worth the price of admission. Holy crap - it was a perfection combination of disgust and pure and utter horror.

Do you think I might have an weird accent or something? I swear, because there has to be a good reason why my little lady has such a serious potty mouth.

It couldn't be the cock-fights I take her to everyday after naptime, could it?

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