Friday, July 20

first stick, now ice

This past Wednesday, we attempted a family dinner at a restaurant.

Attempted being the key word in that first sentence. We attempted to eat an entire meal, in public, with an unpredictable toddler.

Yup, you guessed it, we left with take-away about 15 seconds after the entrees arrived.

To be completely fair, Bumper was not in a good mood. She never is when it comes to restaurants*. She just can't hack sitting still when there are people to meet, chairs to climb, and mayhem to be unleashed by her 22 pound super powers. And to boot, her teeth are giving her guff. These last four are coming in sl-o-o-o-w and painful.

* most recent exception: Father's Day celebration for my dad - she would push pennies uphill with her nose if Poppy asked (though he wouldn't).

Anyhooo.... remember a few posts back where I told you what Bumper called a stick? Yes? Well she has topped that baby book moment, not once BUT TWICE this week.

First in the restaurant. She really wanted to chew on the ice in our water glasses so I asked the waitress for a glass of ice. There's just something about drinking water that has been groped by a toddler in search of precious, precious ice that makes me kinda gag. So yes, I asked for glass of ice, hold the aqua, for the sole purpose of Bumper's entertainment and teething-relief.

Anyhooo... Bumper, in her Bumper way, asked me what this scrumptious cool treat is called. I told her it was ice to which she promptly responded by screaming ASS! She then proceeded to scream for ASS! for the remainder of the meal (which thankfully wasn't that much longer - but still).

Oh, and to share her new found word, she repeated it the next day in the grocery story when passing the ice-packed fish counter, which was also packed with grannies who apparently have really great hearing.

I am and always will be the antithesis of June Cleaver as far as some of my neighbors are concerned.

Second time: I bought myself a nifty little Hello Kitty! coin purse to hold my subway tokens, and because Hello Kitty! is so ingenious, there is a wee clock on the side.

(How clever, eh? a little clock in the side of the purse - btw, do you see where this is going? yes? well read on because it isn't that simple).

So she asks SB what this little thing on the side of mommy's new purse is, and upon being told a clock she resumes playing with the purse.

The next day we get on the subway and when she catches a glimpse of mommy's new coin purse she demands to see it. Once it's in her hands she starts telling me in a very loud toddler voice that this is dah-dee! c'ock over and over and over again.

She would not stop talking about it:

dah-dee! c'ock
dah-dee! c'ock
dah-dee! c'ock

I so wish I had a spy cam because the facial expression on the woman sitting in front of us was well worth the price of admission. Holy crap - it was a perfection combination of disgust and pure and utter horror.

Do you think I might have an weird accent or something? I swear, because there has to be a good reason why my little lady has such a serious potty mouth.

It couldn't be the cock-fights I take her to everyday after naptime, could it?

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13 comments:

Mouse said...

Scooter did the very same thing with "clock." I would always respond to him with a positive (and louder than necessary), "Yes, that is a _clock_!" Now add "bridge" and "fork" and "frog" without the 'r.'

Mrs. Chicky said...

*snort*

c'ock. Heh.

I laugh because I have the same problem. And because it's funny.

kittenpie said...

If that had been me sitting on the subway, you would have seen me convulsing in an attempt to stifle the laughing.

Kyla said...

Oh, the hilarity! My nephew used to say "Fork." oddly...you know, swap the o for a u and the r for a c? So when he dropped his fork at restaurants he would scream f*ck! f*ck! f***********ck!!! until the waiter brought a new one. It was horrifying for his parents. Delightfully entertaining for me. :)

PS: I censored so you don't get any weird Hello Kitty + F*** hits on google. Hahaha!

crazymumma said...

ahhhh.

she is obviously recieving my emails after you are in bed.

The teaching goes well. good job wee bumper. good job.

Her Bad Mother said...

I am so glad that you told this story. Cock is way more interesting than phallus.

something blue said...

Bumper loves ass. bwahhaha.

I used to make Strawberry say all those fun words over and over for my own entertainment. Sadly she learned how to pronounce them the right way.

Jenifer said...

My best friends son recently came up to me and said...

I like your titties...

Little did I knnow he was talking about my cats :)

And I am sure you have all heard about Sparkling Wiggles.... not that that's the best example...

mamatulip said...

I LOVE IT. I wish I could have been on the subway to hear that.

metro mama said...

I'm sorry you didn't get to relax and enjoy your birthday dinner. We will have to make up for it in Kalamazoo.

We haven't tried taking Cakes to dinner in so long. I'm not sure how she'd do.

nomotherearth said...

The Boy had a really disturbing way of pronouncing "truck" when he was younger. I am happy to report he grew out of it eventually.

You see a lot of trucks in one short walk.

Karen said...

My son had a thing about bird houses. He was so proud of himself, beaming when he told me that "Birds sit on dicks, Mommy!" It was so hard not to laugh... The grandparents caught on quick, and corrected him...no, they sit on a perch!

Jersey Guy said...

Why did Bumper associate a hello Kitty purse with Daddy? Just what is he up to when you're not around?
BTW, my son's favorite diss to the tots who incurred his not inconsiderable wrath in nursery school was "Douche bag."
The teacher told me about it in hushed tones and asked if perhaps my husband and his friends used such language around little Mister Potty Mouth.
I confessed that he learned it from me.
"I say it a lot when I'm driving," I told her.
I might just as well have blurted out that I drink the blood of innocent babes while paging through the Necronomicon.