Tuesday, November 3

pink isn't always cute but is always dominating

@TheCaffeinatrix and Moi in Central Park, as it should be

Last week I had to pleasure of escaping the routine of my life and wreak some beautiful havoc with friends new and old. Yes folks, the AimingLow crew blasted through Boston and New York and the recaps are gathered over yonder.

Anyhow, on the last day I was lollygagging around my hotel room -- because I'm really good at lollygagging, so much so that I should go pro -- and my phone rang. Now that in itself is not astounding: I own a phone and on occasion it rings. I usually ignore it because you know: phone = talking with people = things motherbumper does not like to do. But this time I noticed it was my child's school.

Before I could finish applying a proper panic face, it went to voice mail.

As helplessness set in, I dialled 98 to hear my child's fate.
Hello G's mom, we know you are away but we thought we would call to tell you your daughter is fine but... she has pink eye.
Way to give me a heart attack school admin (but joking aside: I do appreciate their attention to detail, they are good people at that place).

So after I phoned home to scream "BURN THE SHEETS, DON HAZMAT SUITS, BUUUUURN THE TOWELS! DAMMIT!" I braced myself for yuckiness. We've battled pink eye in these parts before and it ain't pretty.

Now I don't know about you but pink eye makes it sound so cute. But it's about as cute as string cheese served over snot.

So short of long: my daughter went from dressing as Snow White for Hallowe'en to doing a frighteningly eerie Jack LaMotta a la DeNiro from Raging Bull.

Obviously Hallowe'en was also a bust which meant: NO BAG OF CANDY FOR MOMMA TO STEAL FROM. Don't panic though, I rectified that ticktyboo. Sale candy tastes even sweeter.

So the daughter was bummed to miss the trick or treating and not one to keep quiet, she demonstrated her sadness in one of the most moving self portraits we've seen in these here parts:

Portrait of an Young Artist with Pink Eye

She is all healed now which is a great relief to all. None of us want to do those drops ever again (*knock wood*). We have the bruises and partial deafness to prove it.

ANYHOW - lots of mail waiting for me when I got back and the coolest thing in the pile by far is this t-shirt:

The Mominatrix book will be out in the new year so I can finally get that all important guide to sex. About damn time and maybe it will explain a few things to me, like where the heck did that kid come from and why so sticky sex, I mean, is it that hard to be mess free? Seriously though, I love it when friends do amazing things like publish books or go to the grocery store with their pants on. I like to celebrate many accomplishments in life so three cheers for Madame Mominatrix, Kristen Chase.

Anyhow, the apartment is a disaster and I've got a ton of reading to catch up on so I've really got to get back to ignoring the dust bunnies because if I don't do it, who will?


Assertagirl said...

I'm so jealous of everyone who got to spend all that time with you, and in CENTRAL PARK, no less. Harrumph.

(P.S. Your hair looks great!)

Heather said...

I can't believe they called you while you were gone...I am glad you survived to hear the voicemail because I totally would have had a heart attack and died right there on the spot.

Love the shirt....can't wait for her book to come out.

Mac and Cheese said...

Oh those drop! Have you noticed how hard it is to pry open the eye of such a young person? It's like their skin is made of space-age material! Hope it heals fast. The drawing is disturbing.

Heather said...

I'd say that call would have given me a heart attack. Then I'd be mad that the school tried to kill me.

Katherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mamatulip said...

I love it when my friends wear pants to the grocery store, just not when we're shopping together. Because then my friends look better then me.

Gigi's Pinkeye: A Self Portrait is startlingly accurate.

Kyla said...

My dad got pinkeye this summer and KayTar was SO JEALOUS. "But I want PINK EYE! Pink eyes are my favorite! Waaaaah! Blue eyes make me boring."

IzzyMom said...

Dude—the drops. I feel ya. N freaks the eff out when I have to give her eyedrops. And now P hs a yucky bumpy sty looking thing in the corner of his eye. We shall be eyedropping this evening for sure. Not happy. Also? We're adorable.

Anonymous said...

Wow momanatrix eh? I'll be stopping by again for some off the wallparenting tips.

Anonymous said...

I am 25 and I still freak out every time my eye hurts. I remember pink eye, and as horrible as it is to deal with, it is horrible to be inflicted with it.

Anonymous said...

That self portrait is freaking adorable. You know, for pink eye. Also, your hair? Super cute?

Though I am terribly jealous that every time I come to one of you old school peeps you're all off jet setting to cities and publishing books. I feel so boring I might as well go put on pants.

Anonymous said...

That was me again. Typepad is pissing me off.
- the weirdgirl

Amanda said...

Yes, ditto, the hair it is teh hawt.