Saturday, January 19

Houston, we have a little problem

Look away! The horror!

OMG, THE HORROR!

This is not what you want to see on your laptop.

A nickel does not belong in that slot. I don't even know what you can use a nickel to buy these days, but I know for a fact that it is not sold from inside my laptop.

Thankfully, it came out easily enough but still - what else has she been putting in there? Better not be like that other incident.

In less exciting news (is that possible?), I got sick of the baby poop and made something more traditional.

Trust me, watching your child squeeze, chop, and shape something that looks like feces is really too much to take. Pink? I can handle that. Kinda looks like raw beef... oh crap... next time I'll do blue.

Hey - does anybody remember the amazing movie "The River's Edge" about a guy who kills his girlfriend and the reaction of his peers? One of the best teen movies of the 80's IMO. Anyhow, the drug dealer named Feck - played by Dennis Hopper - I could never remember his name and always called him Feces... like "did Feces just take off with John?".

Yup, that's my feces story - hey wake up! I'm sure I can pull a better poop story off but it's Saturday and I'm lazy...

But moving onto the problem referenced in title, let me present the perpetrator:
A well-meant gift delivered directly to Bumper.

When she opened the gift bag, we both let out a squeal.

Hers of glee, mine of horror that I really freakin' hope sounded like glee.

And of course Bumper loves this doll and her mini bobble-head dog and mini bobble-head duck (???). Why bobble-head? Why a duck?

I couldn't help but feel like paparazzi when snapping photos of the latest edition to the growing mass of toys that threaten to collapse upon this family at any moment, leaving us to struggle under a tide of toys that surely will be unforgiving.

Bumper acts like she's the dolls bouncer, protector of the wackiest entourage outside of Britney's. It's kinda weird.

It's also weird to have a small doll wearing lingerie around the house. Strangely, the first time around, I typed linguine which is equally disturbing yet easier to accept.

22 comments:

Kyla said...

Oh no! The Bratz, they are invading! LOL. Awww, feces.

Mouse said...

Wow, just wow.

I was going to say that this is why I'm glad I have a boy, but we've had a couple gifts now that veer into war-toy territory.

Ali said...

um, yeah, the whore-dolls only get worse from here on out, sadly. my mother once bought Emily a barbie that has silver glittery star tattoes on her nipples. classy!

mothergoosemouse said...

Yep, I'd rather see a doll wear linguine too. Oy.

mamatulip said...

Argh...yeah, Julia got some Bratz for Christmas and I almost threw out the clothing that came with the doll because I thought they were bits of wrapping paper.

Jezer said...

I think it would be awesome for y'all to cook up some linguine and wrap the doll in it.

Just do what I do: By day, pretend not to even notice the offending toy's presence. By NEXT day, pretend to have absolutely no knowledge of where now-missing offending toy may have disappeared to.

motherbumper said...

Jezer - and this is why I consider you my parent role model, excellent idea (bwa ha ha ha)

Redneck Mommy said...

I have somehow managed to escape little dolls dressed as whores, for which I am grateful. Mind you, I kinda like Jezer's suggestions...wrap it in liguine and then make it disappear.

Oh, The Joys said...

Things miraculously happen to fall into our garbage can around here. It has a lid. I JUST CAN'T figure out how this happens! (heh.)

metro mama said...

Oh my, who gave her that!

Mimi said...

Oh God, I think a Bratz wearing linguine woulda been better, non?

And problematic powerbooks? Yikes! At least the nickel didn't go all the way in!

nomotherearth said...

Could the Bratz go on
"vacation" one day? And never come back??

SciFi Dad said...

We use a similar tactic to Jezer... one day the doll is placed in the wrong place, if it goes unnoticed for a few, it disappears for good.

But Bratz? For a two year old? Seriously? Who thinks this is appropriate?

kittenpie said...

Hmmmm. I wonder if it would work for Misterpie is I wore linguine around the house? Or maybe a couple of shell pasta pasties? Food for thought... (oh god, shut up kittenpie, shutupshutupshutup)

And hey, as you know, the library computers putup with that kind of abuse all the time. That's why we have tweezers in the first aid kit - it's really first aid for the PCs!

the mama bird diaries said...

That is something.

My 1 year-old's newest favorite gift is a pimped out baby girl doctor. Blond pigtails, headband, and a scary ass song about running down the street when her pager goes beep beep beep. I'm thinking that maybe she's not actually a trained medical professional.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh no. A Bratz doll?

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Chag said...

I agree. River's Edge is one of the best movies of the 80s. Crispin Glover, Dennis Hopper, how can you go wrong? Even Keanu wasn't too bad.

Lisa said...

I didn't realize Frederick's of Hollywood makes doll clothes now!

Mama Drama Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I totally stole the bratz doll set that she was given for her birthday and gave it to toys for tots.

I hate those damn things.

Her Bad Mother said...

you know i feel your pain, right? I so totally do. So totally.

Liza's Eyeview said...

My son placed a coin in our desktop, just like that, when he was 3 (or 4)

Gunfighter said...

Now just a second, MB... one of my Canuck friends told me that you don't call your 5 cent piece a "nickel" Is that true or not?