Wednesday, January 16

predictable (or am I?)

So I bet you are here saying
"oh motherbumper, it's Wednesday which means it's Wordless Wednesday and I bet you aren't going to be able to shut-up long enough to call yourself wordless and you're going to put up a picture that you can't stop chittering about."

[That was the sound of motherbumper trying to be quiet]

OK - so you are completely correct half-right. I can't shut up.

Now why I think you would all berate me if given half the chance, really speaks loudly about my confident and sunny little disposition.

So-called professionals call my condition:

"self-deprecation ad nauseum with serious brevis iratus mulier syndrome*".

* linky love and adulation to anyone who correctly identifies this latin term - except for my Dad, he can't enter because he already gets my adulation AND knows how kooky I am

They have written reams and reams of psychological journals about my syndrome and there are plans for a Lifetime movie (I'm hoping we can get Molly Ringwald to play me, but odds are Valerie Bertinelli will get the part. Which of course, begs the question: Is there a God? Apparently, that question will be answered once the role of motherbumper has been cast because if it's Molly Ringwald - then world religions just scored a goal).

But long of short: today is Wordless Wednesday and I have once again (like every other week) failed to be wordless. But unlike the other weeks, I'm also photoless thus making Wordless Wednesday null and void.

Instead, I offer you my recipe for home made play clay. So many people marvelled at the fact that I make my own. My play clay is 100% guaranteed to be non-toxic unless you like toxins. In that case, replace vegetable oil with raw crude.

Seriously folks, if I can make this, you can make this. TRUST ME*.

* My lawyer says that I must stop saying that and that I'm obligated to say that I am not responsible for any incidents - even good ones - that come from sharing this recipe. This statement just cost me 150 bucks in legal fees.

So here it goes:
motherbumper's idiot-proof *play clay

1 cup of all purpose flour
1/2 cup of salt
2 tsp cream of tartar

Mix the dry ingredients in a saucepan and add:
1 cup of water
food colouring (you've been warned about combining colours)
1 tbsp oil (not baby or motor - veg/sunflower/olive all work nice)

Combine this mess over medium heat until it gets thick - kinda like bread dough. This usually takes a few minutes on a conventional electric stove and the thickening can happen suddenly. Like: BAM! it's thick and it's gonna take over a remote Japanese village if you don't keep it in check.

Try to make sure that all the salt is be absorbed (or death is sure to happen - kidding! Just checking to see if you actually are following the recipe. See? Motherbumper is concerned for your family's safety, thankyouverymuch).

Turn your bad boy of dough out onto the counter and relish the kneading of warm, squishy clay. Pretend it's someone you love. Maybe it's someone you love who forgot to pick up the diapers at the store before coming home and forcing you to go out in a blizzard to get these diapers, instead of following through on your threat of using their favorite concert t-shirt for a butt cover. Hit him the clay, punch him it, give it all your anger love. Do all of this therapeutic kneading before your kid gets the clay all messed up with hair, crumbs, dirt, and the remains of Jimmy Hoffa.

Store in an airtight container because this stuff hardens like a mo'fo' if left out for a couple of hours.

You can thank me by spreading the joy and writing a post about your play clay creations, share photos, or tell me how ugly your attempts at making a funky colour turned out.

Let's call it the "Play Clay That Ate The Blogosphere" meme.

Seriously folks, this is a family-oriented meme where (a) kids win because they get play clay and (b) you win because you get to post fodder. See? It's WIN-WIN!

Leave me comment with link if you decide to play along.

* If you come to me and tell me it didn't work, I reserve the right to call you an idiot in the most polite way possible.


kgirl said...

omg, you are too freakin funny. and hey! now i know what my play doh problem was! stoopid hippie mom only has whole wheat flour in the house! off to loblaws, pronto.

Mouse said...

I feel that I should disqualify myself from identifying the Latin terminology too. That's the kind of stuff I dream of having for my comps!

kittenpie said...

Misterpie makes paydough for his class every once in a while - it feels bizarre to be kneading this warm lump of squishiness...

ewe are here said...

heh heh

I suspect I'd still find a way to screw this up, hence I keep buying little tubs of the stuff.

Jezer said... 5'2" self has been known to exhibit symptoms of brevis iratus mulier syndrome as well.

I LOVE salt dough and the kneading of it and even the smell of it. I think I'll make some this weekend.

Mac and Cheese said...

It's usually a cold day in hell when I make dinner from scratch, so I can't see myself cooking up a batch of something that my family can't actually eat. Thanks for the recipe though.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Hon, I would never want you to shut up. Ever. And I'm going to make this for my kid because the extent of my craftiness is giving Chicky a piece of paper and a couple of crayons.

Chag said...

I've tried making Play-Doh before, but it just felt icky to me (and it was very flaky). Maybe I did something wrong.

Gunfighter said...

Valerie Bertenelli is waaay hotter than Molly Ringwald, MB.

I'm just sayin'


Em said...

I remember playing with this when I was little. I think you should dissolve the salt in hot water first. I remember it scratching my knuckles and burning when the salt touched it. Fin times anyway.

Sugarplum's Mom said...

Thanks for the recipe!

petite gourmand said...

nothing like the gift of gab sister...
you are, as always, funny as hell.

might just try that play dough recipe.

nomotherearth said...

You want ME to cook??

I'm hoping Alison Hannigan will play me in my movie or vice versa.