What's That? You Want To Know What I Want? Funny You Should Ask...

This Holiday post is
sponsored as part of the UrbanMoms Network.

So here's the thing about doing gift shopping and please chime in if you know what I'm talking about because I'm sure most of you do. The applicable Murphy's Law of Shopping for Gifts is:

thou shall not find gifts for thee intended but ye shall find many treasures to suit thyself

Why do we find all the stuff we want when we are shopping for others when we totally should not be buying for ourselves? WHY? We all know that when we finally get a chance to actually buy stuff for ourselves, the store shelves are as bare as Jacob's chest in 98% of Eclipse.

Why yes I do speak about myself as a 'we'. It makes me feel taller. And yes, I made a Twilight reference. Stop judging me.

Anyway. I was invited to share a smattering of the holiday gifts I'd buy myself if I could and these things would totally be on the shelf, all in the same store, and completely within my price range. Since I'm completely delusional, I decided to take this to the max: things that I would buy as holiday gifts for myself if the sky was the limit and my guilt for over-spending suddenly disappeared.

For starters, all these gifts will be wrapped in beautiful boxes with huge soft and flowing satin bows and then presented to me as total surprises by Viggo Mortensen. Because we all know that the likelihood of these gifts ever actually being in my possession is highly improbable so I might as well extend the fiction to include the ability to give myself totally awesome surprise gifts while including a total hottie.

So without further ado, this is what I would buy for myself if given a bottomless gift card to every store on the earth:

(1) Lots of these solar globe lights and let's ignore the fact that I do not have lawn to put these on. I'm sure my neighbors wouldn't mind if they roll down the apartment hallways endlessly roaming in search of light sources and taking down old ladies in the process.

'By golly Bertha, I think they are coming from 11A'

It would be like a real-life edition of The Prisoner but without the groovy outfits and confusing storyline.

(2) A super-sized king size bed that is soooo huge it might as well be called deity-size and it will come with Eygptian cotton sheets that have a minimum of a 8 million thread count and are softer than a baby's tushie. This bed would also have every kind of pillow known to man and is so far off the ground, not only do I need a ladder to get into bed, oxygen masks are available in case of sudden drops in air pressure.

(3) A washer and dryer. Wait, that's pathetic. How about a 24-karat gold washer and dryer? Still pathetic but I want them anyway. Might as well put a beautiful house around that 24-karat washer and dryer to keep it safe. You know, nothing much, just three five bedrooms, lots of closet space, lots of land, completely environmentally friendly, off-grid, mortgage and tax free, in a nice neighborhood with perfect schools. Not too much to ask, right?

(4) Vacation at a spot like this in the Maldives. After meeting two people who have vacationed there, I must, MUST go there some day. It's, it's, it's so blue.

The bird brings you mojitos with extra umbrellas.

Yes, yes I know it's really rustic and there is not one ounce of exotic or beauty in this place and it sure as heck couldn't be relaxing at all but it has a certain je-ne-sais-quoi quality about it and if given the chance to buy a gift of a vacation for myself, this would probably be it. Someone has to do it and it's for the economy, really it is.

For the record, this type vacation spot has been on my 'did you ask me what I want?' wish list for a long time though not as long as number five.

(5) A pony.

does this come in plaid?

Almost thirty years in the asking and I figure if no one is going to buy it for me then it's going on my holiday gifts that I'd buy myself.

All this talk of my ultimate holiday gifts is pretty selfish and look at you being so patient on your journey to the point of my post: How about I tell you something useful like that there is a chance to win a gift certificate to Old Navy over at Urban Moms? A chance to win a gift certificate that you can spend on yourself because no worries, I won't tell your family or loved ones if you win. You totally deserve it. Just go on over to Urban Moms to enter.

Full disclosure: I was compensated for this post by the Urban Moms Network who are a pretty darn cool. You should totally check them out.