Tuesday, August 18
It's All About Me: A Selfish Rant in less than Four Hundred Words
Okay, to be completely fair, she didn't know she was stealing all my "me" time but did she really have to talk the entire time we sat in the bleachers "watching" our kids in swim class?
From the moment I sat my butt down and gave my polite daily "howdy" nod to all the other moms and dads, she started talking about this, that and the other thing.
For the record, I have never exchanged more than my polite daily "howdy" nod with her. Yet today she suddenly felt the need to tell me about her commute, her living situation, her plans for the new school year, and what's she's making for dinner -- all without the benefit of telling me her first name or even asking for mine.
Oh and there might have also been the obligatory weather talk interlaced in there somewhere but hell woman, yes it's all "Oh the humidity" in a total Hindenburg way so let's just all agree to shut up about something we can't change without a few more years of using fluorocarbons and feeding those damn cows.
Damn. I didn't even get a #brokebackswimmingpool tweet out today.
Yeah I know I'm being a bitch but when you get just twenty-five minutes to yourself each day, one falls in love with each and every second of those twenty-five minutes and makes them count. I make them count by doing things like answering really overdue emails, composing post outlines, hashtagging tweets about how my daughter's swimming instructor looks like Jake Gyllenhaalhoweverthefuckyouspellhisname, plotting taking his photo without being asked to leave or labelled the weird mom, and my by far favourite thing to do: numbing the mind with BEJEWELLED (drool.... my IQ just dropped 40% but I'm still able to make three -- sometimes five! -- jewels match in a row without the benefit of brains, precious, precious brains).
Anyhow, I now feel punchy over a lost twenty-five minutes so if my husband is reading this post, don't panic tonight when I lock you and the sprog out on the balcony for a while -- like twenty-five minutes a while - m'kay? Mama needs her Bejewelled.
P.S. I don't even like Jake Gyllenhaal but there is no denying this kid looks exactly like him. It's FREAKY and completely fascinating.