Tuesday, August 18

It's All About Me: A Selfish Rant in less than Four Hundred Words

This morning I had all my "me" time taken from me by a ruthless mom.

Okay, to be completely fair, she didn't know she was stealing all my "me" time but did she really have to talk the entire time we sat in the bleachers "watching" our kids in swim class?

From the moment I sat my butt down and gave my polite daily "howdy" nod to all the other moms and dads, she started talking about this, that and the other thing.

For the record, I have never exchanged more than my polite daily "howdy" nod with her. Yet today she suddenly felt the need to tell me about her commute, her living situation, her plans for the new school year, and what's she's making for dinner -- all without the benefit of telling me her first name or even asking for mine.

Oh and there might have also been the obligatory weather talk interlaced in there somewhere but hell woman, yes it's all "Oh the humidity" in a total Hindenburg way so let's just all agree to shut up about something we can't change without a few more years of using fluorocarbons and feeding those damn cows.

Damn. I didn't even get a #brokebackswimmingpool tweet out today.

Yeah I know I'm being a bitch but when you get just twenty-five minutes to yourself each day, one falls in love with each and every second of those twenty-five minutes and makes them count. I make them count by doing things like answering really overdue emails, composing post outlines, hashtagging tweets about how my daughter's swimming instructor looks like Jake Gyllenhaalhoweverthefuckyouspellhisname, plotting taking his photo without being asked to leave or labelled the weird mom, and my by far favourite thing to do: numbing the mind with BEJEWELLED (drool.... my IQ just dropped 40% but I'm still able to make three -- sometimes five! -- jewels match in a row without the benefit of brains, precious, precious brains).

Anyhow, I now feel punchy over a lost twenty-five minutes so if my husband is reading this post, don't panic tonight when I lock you and the sprog out on the balcony for a while -- like twenty-five minutes a while - m'kay? Mama needs her Bejewelled.

/endrant

P.S. I don't even like Jake Gyllenhaal but there is no denying this kid looks exactly like him. It's FREAKY and completely fascinating.

19 comments:

Hyla said...

Sorry you lost your me time. Im so bad when it comes to emails!

Assertagirl said...

Oh, I hate the chatty! I'd have thought of an excuse to move. But I'm bitchy like that. :P

Mayberry said...

oh, no. That is so wrong. Sister should have KNOWN BETTER.

Just pretend you are taking a picture of G. and really aim for Jake's twin!

Kyla said...

I get sucked into those conversations all the time. I must have some sort of good listening face or something.

Heather said...

I hear you. I hear you and I validate you. If I don't get enough "me" time I stay up really late at night. So. Every night then.

Angella said...

The instructor looks like Jake? He's on my TOP FIVE list.

You need to take a photo. Please?

Mandy said...

Hmmm... now I'm wracking my brain to know if I was ever "the chatty". Hope not. Possibly. I apologize to random woman out there. Somewhere.

I'd love to see a photo though. JG is definitely cute.

Jana said...

Ugh...I Huh-aaaate the me-time-thieves. I try my best to look busy and unapproachable, but even then, there's always that one mom.

Jennifer said...

God, I hear you. I also hate when you are giving all the "don't feel like chatting" cues and SHE/HE DOES NOT PICK UP ON THEM.

Me time is crucial. No one wants to fill up me time with small talk.

Chag said...

This happens to me all the time. I wish there was some universal hat or something we could where when we're not looking to converse with strangers.

Unfortunately, I'd probably never take mine off.

Chibi said...

You and your damned Bejewelled have me playing it. Again. Hope you're happy, woman. *growls*

;)

(Hope you got some Me Time in last night!)

mamatulip said...

EARPHONES.

Wear ear buds next time.

whymommy said...

Me time is few and far between. Next time I'd sit waaaaaaaaay over on the other side if I were you.

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

This is why I NEVER answer the phone. My hold on sanity is so tenuous, I really can't listen to anyone's extraneous chatter. If the message is enticing, I will call back.

You totally need to take a photo.

Amanda said...

Why is me time so freaking vulnerable?

Karen MEG said...

I so want to see a picture, cuz Jake is kinda hot and I'm kinda a cougar :).

That is annoying though...I think I also have a "listening" face. Hope you did manage to squeak some me minutes in later in the day...

Heather said...

I will give you a little mom advice from a mom that suffered through years of soccer practice with chatty moms when all I wanted to do was read. Set the alarm on your cell phone to go off about 7 minutes after swim lessons start. But make sure your alarm sounds like a ring tone, pretend to answer said call and then when you get "done" go about your business.

You're welcome. xoxo

Mishelle Lane said...

I would have totally outchatted her. I'd have shown that bitch who the boss was.

No Mother Earth said...

You don't like Donnie Darko???? Cause that is totally his name. (He also played the guys role in the play that I did - Proof.)