Monday, August 24

Misinformation: I never learn

Seriously, I bitch about someone I don't even know on my blog and karma comes and kicks my ass with a cold in the middle of a humidity heat wave. THANK YOU KARMA - just what I needed to remind me that payback is always waiting with his scythe to mow me down BIG TIME.

Payback is so unoriginal, he doesn't even pretend to not be ripping off the reaper, he just hangs out in a dirty bathrobe with a piece of rusty old school farm equipment waiting for whiny schleps like me to f-up and complain about something so trivial as lost "me" time just so he can slash me from behind.

Colds in the summer time ought to be illegal. Cold sweats while simultaneously feeling the relentless humidity of Sourthern Ontario is cruel, cruel, old skool. Mix that with quick dry cement in the sinuses, achey joints that rival my 100 year old neighbours, and a cough that also rivals that same crotchety codger and you have one pissy blogger.

Hell, that codger and I could have had a codge-off this past weekend if I could have lifted my head off the pillow long enough to whine in his direction. He'd probably counter that with a "Pillow?!! When I was your age, you were lucky if you got a bag of rocks to sleep on - AND THAT WAS ONLY IF YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE ROCKERFELLERS". Glorious Basterd.

ANYHOW -- the only joy I found this weekend besides watching this wonderful slice of Swedish Vampire Låt den rätte komma in (<-- that's me being all pretentious and referring to it by it's original name because I'M A TOTAL FILM SNOB, Y'ALL) was spreading misinformation to my child -- which is a family tradition of sorts.

This weekend my daughter stuck an unarmed ratchet driver in her belly button and when I lunged at her screaming "NO!" she assumed it was because it was dangerous.

But no... there was no imminent danger from this tool in her umbilicus, I just saw a golden opportunity to screw with her head because it's not often I can do it without repercussion.

So when I told her DO NOT DO THAT in mom-caw screech, she asked in a hush voice "why?"

And like my Father before me, I told her you never EVER unscrew your belly button lest your butt falls off.

Her eyes widened, my smile brightened, and all was well with the world of misinformation.

And so the torch is passed.

Today I'm over at Canada Moms Blog vexing over Junior Kindergarten and I'm also over at MamaPop hosting a Harry Potter Contest so get yee muggle butt still attached to your belly button over and enter now.


mkosboth said...

Had one of those summer colds a few weeks ago. Sucked. The only thing worse is the summer stomach bug, which we managed to miss, so far. I am sure I am cursing myself as I type this.

Emily said...

So much fun to torture the son believes that he must change his underwear every day or else he will get the Plague. Whatever works, right?

Avitable said...

If I ever have a child, I'm going to pronounce "cheeseburger" as "farglebird" every time I'm in front of him or her so that they don't even know what a cheeseburger is. That'll be even more fun.

for a different kind of girl said...

Hey! I have the book for that movie AND the movie on my kitchen counter right next to me right now! I'm going to watch the movie tonight. Unless it's scary, and then no. The answer to whether I'll be watching some arty vampire movie while home alone is no. Because it's nice out and my windows are open and I'm pretty sure vampires are tricksters who like to watch you for awhile from outside the window and my, wouldn't an open window just seem like a barrel of laughs for a vampire?

p.s. I've been watching entirely too many vampire things lately. Stop me before I start watching The Vampire Dairies in a few weeks.

Heather said...

I can see that I have been woefully remiss in not messing with my children enough. I love that...your butt will fall off. I wish that would happen to mine!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I hope you feel better. Why didn't my mom ever warn me not to unscrew my belly button? Sheesh!

Anonymous said...

I'm still waaaaay beyond bitter that NetFlix sent me a dubbed copy of that movie rather than one with subtitles. I'd never even considered that as a possibility. The movie was still great, but let's just say that I'm pretty sure the dialogue wasn't intended to be quite so goofy.

Denguy said...

Crap, that's funny. I'm probably going to use it.

Chibi said...

For many more years than I care to admit, I was convinced my grandfather was telling me the truth when he told me that your belly button is where the piggy bites you when you're born -- seriously, I had visions of a doctor holding a pig to the belly of a newborn until I was about 8. *hangs head in shame*

Hyla said...

LAMO! I hope you feel better, we do that with our kids too! They love it when they figure out we are joking!

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mamatulip said...

My mother used to tell me that if I kept pouting the way I was, a seagull was going to come and sit on my lip and poop on my chin.

No Mother Earth said...

That was a really good movie, and I would totally use the actual name, not the anglicized version. We can be snobs together, m'kay?

Miss you!