Tuesday, July 28

This isn't a BlogHer Recap (alternate title: Viva La Siesta!)

Random lines from posts I've started but failed to finish:

(1) Hi. My name is motherbumper and I'm a "booyah" abuser. As in, I use the word "booyah" to punctuate too many thoughts in a "yada yada yada" kind of way.

(2) My deep-dish and uncomfortable thoughts on free stuff. When it comes to free stuff, I don't go looking for it but don't get me wrong, booyah! I luuuurve free stuff. Hell, if swag lands in my lap and it's of use to me, into the bag it goes. In fact, I pack light going to BlogHer because so many generous sponsors and party hosts give tokens of appreciation for attending their party. Attending being a very key word in that sentence. It is never expected but damn it's nice and I know it's going to happen. But if it didn't happen, it wouldn't change my weekend.

Anyhow, the swag thing at BlogHer was weird this year. There was a very small number of the generally awesome population acting like freaks. Freaks as in committing blackmail over shoes or like in my personal experience while working the door at The People's Party where I witnessed something small but strange. This incident kind of set the tone for me on the subject of free stuff over the weekend.

Let me explain it the best way I can: As a hostess of The People's Party, I was handing out drink tickets and big welcoming smiles and/or hellos to everyone I could reach as they surged (literally SURGED) through the doors. When the surging had died down to a well-heeled stampede, I witnessed a woman come in, make a beeline to the swag bags, grab four (!) (as in two on each arm), and then promptly turn around and march out. The only reason I remember her so specifically is she totally didn't make eye-contact with me when I tried to hand her a drink ticket -- she put her hand up in a blocking / dismissive way and marched on by. So I watched what she did because I was taken aback (what can I say, I'm sensitive). When she breezed on past me after her bag scoop, I stepped outside the door to watch her leave and she proceeded to walk away from the party crowd towards what I'm not sure... the elevators? Her friends? They weren't anywhere near the party, that's for sure.

I told myself, she's probably just grabbing it for other people and bringing it back to the room. I seriously tried to convince myself that she did because I didn't want to get pissy at my own party like my name was JLo or something. But then I thought about all the people who were here, not getting or caring about bags, and staying because they were there to meet people. Because you know, that's the purpose of The People's Party.

But my observations are full of total conjecture and it was just odd to watch. I could be totally wrong. Maybe she had already had her free drink and her friends had sent her in to grab the swag they didn't get the first time around and ten minutes was enough time at the party for all of them.

Yet I couldn't help myself and felt compelled to record this encounter because regardless of her reason / plan of use with the bag, it was somehow appeared more important to her to grab the free stuff than to just come to the party and meet with other bloggers. Instead she appeared to be doing a free stuff recon pre-party attendance. Because the free stuff is just a nice perk, not the purpose. It left me with an icky feeling.

(3) BlogHer is a mindfuck.

(4) Can't wait to do it all again in New York.

(5) Damn everyone looked good at BlogHer this year. Especially you.

(6) All Hail the Unicorn Cake from the planet MamaPop!

(7) This week during my BlogHer detox, I had grandiose plans to clean and reorganize this entire home while SB and G were out of town but after making a mental list of everything I needed to do I took a nap.

Then I woke up, decided to add doing an internal cleanse while eating nothing but fruit and veg because I don't have to prep any meals for others all week, and felt proud that the nap gave me such clarity. Viva la Siesta! Then I promptly sat on the couch, ordered a pizza (online! no human interaction! if I could have shoved an envelope under the door with the money, I would have!), and after eating more than half of the damn thing, I fell asleep.

So to recap: this week I've accomplished nothing but a post about Joe Jonas having his heart smashed in seventeen places by Camilla Belle (which I first read as Camille Paglia and let me tell you, I was very confused) and also I managed to go pee. Oh and I also managed to make myself into a Mad Men avatar (what do you think - did I get it right?)

(8) BOO-YAH!


Her Bad Mother said...

You're prettier than that avatar, baby ;)

Anonymous said...

"If I could have shoved an envelope under the door with the money, I would have!"<--sounds like me! I wish I could do everything without making human contact.

Mr Lady said...


IzzyMom said...

Someone helped themselves to FOUR of the bags we and our tireless and totally awesome volunteers slaved over for 2+ hours? Are you fucking joking me?

It's called The People's Party, as in bags for EVERYONE, not just the greedy few.

I hope that swagwhore reads this and is totally embarrassed, as she should be.

Heather said...

It was great seeing you again! I know as we were still packing swag bags for the people's party that I was for sure the wall was going to come down that separated us from them. Thankfully it held strong.

And if anyone saw me heading to the elevators with 4 swag bags I was totally lugging my roomies bags to my room with me as I was dying from the heat in my jeans.

motherbumper said...

Heather - it wasn't you - I repeat: not you. I would have tackled you and made you go to the bar with me.

Mandy said...

Love you. Loved your party.

Had a great time.

I hate scrambles for free stuff.

I like the boo-yah. Might steal that one day. Beats "yo".

Michelle said...

Wish I could have been there!
Oh well. Hopefully next year.
And yeah, I tried that Mad Men Avatar thing and it looked NOTHING like me. Maybe I'll give it another go...

April said...

fast food ordering online is genius. pure genius.

Gwen said...

It has been really interesting reading the posts from this year. Don't get me wrong I would totally have loved to be there, but it made me think about my priorities. I hope when I go next year (come hell or high water) I will not put my foot in my mouth or act stupidly, well too stupidly. I guess I will just hang out with the right girls.

kgirl said...

Joe Jonas and Camille Paglia - BWAHAHAHAHA! I would have loved to hear what feminist scholars had to say about that ;)

And, I love the avatar. AND - I am going to book my pass for NYC SOON. Can I come to your party?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry I kept saying how awesome you looked, implying that you don't normally look awesome which I didn't mean to do - but seriously you were smokin' hot all weekend.

And thank you again a million times for being my friend particularly when you saw me standing by myself! You're a good bloggy friend.

Mrs. Chicky said...

I'm still pouting. I just wanted you to know that.


Binkytowne said...

You know that avatar looks a lot like you ( I mean that in a very good way) but does she have shoes that smell as good as yours?

Shash said...

It's always a great event when I can spend time in your presence. SO I had a freakin' BLAST!

Love you madly, miss you terribly, and coveting that SKIRT you rocked the last night. Felt way under dressed next to that lovely item.

BlogHer 2010? I'm there! Can't wait!

mothergoosemouse said...

#4. Because I can't think too much more about how I missed BlogHer and missed you. So I'll think about next year instead.

Mayberry said...

OMG. Please write some kind of alternate universe post in which Joe Jonas and Camille Paglia really are an Item. That is awesome.

PS glad I got to see you for 5ish minutes!

mamatulip said...


2. I love your avatar.

3. Nice subtle JLo dig.


petite gourmand said...

That's beyond rude.
I bet she has a plastic lined purse that she brings to buffets too.
oh no wait- that's me ;

Sorry I missed it this year- maybe next??
and I would most definitely stay for the party.

Assertagirl said...

You know, even if I was going to grab four bags for myself and my roommates, I'd have the sense and common courtesy to say to you at the door, "Hi Katie, I'm Amy, do you mind if I pick up a bag for my roommates? They can't make it this evening."

People are so stupid.

(Also, I've been listening to First Wave on Sirius since I came home, feeling all nostalgic for our road trip which was really, really FUN.)

for a different kind of girl said...

A few things since I wasn't at BlogHer (and I'm going to confess I feel equal parts intrigued and terrified at the thought of attending):

- I am a "Let's do this!" abuser. Comment on your blog? Let's do this! Tell you I completely dig you? Let's do this!

- Parts of my body got weirdly (and perhaps inappropriately) tingly when I read about Joe and Camille breaking up. Because of that, I didn't not say "Let's do this (or him)!"

- If I ever get to a Blogher, I do hope I get to meet you.

Whit said...

I abuse whiskey. Freely.

Stimey said...

Woman, you fully rock! I adore you. Also, power to the people's party.

♥georgie♥ said...

this is just crazy....I would have loved to been at BlogHer this yr...I hoping for 2010 in NYC...Ireally enjoyed your post

Mimi said...

I liked the AOL laptop bags from Chicago in 07 -- remember? Ah, I'm still using that data key, too.

You know--you KNOW, right?-- that if I had had the funds to get there this year, I would have put my tongue down your throat to get an extra drink ticket, right?

Because, ultimately, it's not about the swag--it's about getting drunk enough to be brave enough to talk to your favorite bloggers.

Heather said...

I'm quite certain that if I were to go to BlogHer I'd have to drink an obscene amount of wine so that I would open my mouth to talk to other people. That probably wouldn't be so good. I do think I would be able to manage a "hello" though before I swiped your swag bags for myself and one for each of my kids. (Kidding!)

Chag said...

You should've thrown one of your shoes at the swag stealer. Or a boomerang. Or a throwing star.

Or hell, another bag of swag.

Avitable said...

I tracked that woman down and pooped in each of her four swag bags.

Nice meeting you - maybe next year we'll get to actually say more than three words to each other!

No Mother Earth said...

Ha! I wish I could order pizza that way.

How did you create that avatar? I love the style of it (although, yes, you ARE prettier than that..)

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Way prettier.

anitat said...

Wish we had had a chance to meet in person at blogher :)
I heard a lot about the free stuff but I have to admit my five kids really loved to walk around the first floor and have people hand them tiny toys and pens and whatever else they got.
Hope to meet you next year ::

Shamelessly Sassy said...

Rather than abuse booyah!, I abuse HOLLA!! As in, "oh, there's Katie. HOLLA!!"

Kyla said...

I'm so sad I missed you this year! I did see photos, though and you looked smoking!

I hope I'm there next year!

Anonymous said...

I too spent my time this week designing my Mad Men avatar because I love that show and the 60s so DAMN much.