Monday, July 20

well heeled women make strange post fodder

For the past three hours, I've been wearing my high heels that I recently purchased. The reason I have been wearing them to do the dishes, play tea party, and do the laundry is due to a life-lesson learned back in days of yore.

Once many moons ago I procured the most excellent of fancy shoes - stacked suede clogs embroidered with dragons and flowers -- and loved them like no other (well, at least since the most awesome of cowboy-boot shoes that I ever owned -- deep red with black flames -- remember those cowboy boot shoes? Oh the ninties were strange indeedy). Well those dragon clogs had only been worn in the store and privacy of my own apartment for all of two minutes, before I jumped in a cab to a fancy-schmancy party on-board one of the Tall Ships.

Upon arriving at the dock, I made it up the gang-plank only to discover something horrible - FOOT SWEAT. My feet were sweating like little raging bulls and I COULD NOT WALK in these shoes. If I tried to move, the sweat from my feet felt like I was trying to navigate on ball-bearings and I'd fall backwards. These shoes didn't allow my feet to breath (serial killer clogs methinks) and the sweat was beyond belief. So I only wore them when standing still slipping them off and leaving them on the floor next to my friends while tip-toeing over to the bar/buffet, while praying no one noticed my huge social faux-pas of being bare-foot while on-board a dignified ship full of dignified people. What did I think this was? A hedonism cruise?

Of course we were taken on a tour of the ship and some smarmy sailor had already taken a liking to me (I think it was because I was least mobile - due to feet - and it was like the weakest of the herd kind of love) and trying to maintain protocol while not being rude, I hobbled around best on my geisha-killer shoes with that seaman dude trying out his weak English on me. For the record, I hate the ladder steps in all ships - so undignified. Gotta say tho', the disco on-board this ship was impressive. Also made me suspicious since there was no women stationed on board. Must get lonely at sea, eh Billy?

Anyhow, ever since that miserable experience all new shoes are road tested before the actual racing event. So today, I do laundry, dishes, and dusting while wearing these:



So far so good but if you see me hobbling around at BlogHer, take pity and DON'T HIT ON ME. Bring me slippers and alcohol and I will love you forever (right down to taking a ladder and sneaking into your home in the middle of the night to sing while skulking around your bedside - NOW THAT'S LOVE).

16 comments:

wherewiller said...

Those are really cute!

And I totally do the same with new shoes. And wearing heels kind of makes me panicky. So I'll be wearing heels at the parties, but I'll have some flip flops or something in my bag :-)

for a different kind of girl said...

My flip-flop adorned feet are breathing a wee sigh of relief that they'll be stuck here in Iowa this weekend!

Mary Beth said...

I've already discarded three pairs of shoes because I can't stand in them for more than 15 minutes at a time. I may be barefoot by the end:)

Stimey said...

Adorable shoes! And what a brilliant idea, to wear them around the house first.

kgirl said...

Cute kicks!

Years ago (like, y'know, 1997), I got a pair of huge platform slides made of FOAM. Seriously. Soon after I got them, I put them on sans anything else, to do what I thought would be a sexy little dance for my boyfriend. I began prancing around the room...

...and fell ass over tea kettle onto the floor. I laughed all the sexy out of the evening, and have stayed pretty much in flats ever since.

Steven said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Deborah

http://maternitymotherhood.net

mamatulip said...

Holy shit, I love those shoes. LOVE. THEM. I wish I could wear shoes like that, but I can't, because not only are my feet as wide as fucking paddles, I have a bunion, too.

I suck.

Kyla said...

Cute, but I HATE heels. I'm worthless as a girly-girl.

Hip Mom's Guide said...

How has it never occurred to me to give new shoes the test-run like this? Stroke of genius! They're cute...hope they make the cut.

Lynette said...

yeah...I've made that mistake before. Only I felt like the shoes had little razor blades and were cutting off the circulation to my toes. I gave them away and swore never to not "break in" my shoes again

No Mother Earth said...

None (NONE!) of my heels fit after two pregnancies, so I've pretty much given up on them.

Unless you wanna give me some, though.

aymom said...

I have bunions as well as a previous poster, and they are terrible. Although my feet themselves are relatively narrow, I must buy wide shoes to deal with the bunion disgustingness. But I will rock a pretty cute heel on occasion...typically all padded up and bandaid-ed because they will hurt!
ps--wayyy cute shoes, they are perfect!! Have fun!!

NotSoSage said...

Oh now...I wore heels for the first time in...forever...a few weeks ago because my daughter does not believe that I am girly enough. If she heard that you wear heels around the house, I'd be in deep shit. Must delete browser history (I know she's only 4, but they know things).

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I'm bringing band-aids for just this reason. Also, my black shoes? I have stuffed the toes with tissue paper as they are a tad too big.... I am nothing if not classy.

♥georgie♥ said...

I know this may sound gross...but by some extra deoderant and use it on your feet-it works....I have the sweaty feet syndrome(but please dont tell anyone LOL)

♥georgie♥ said...

ack BUY not by...I am having typing issues today sorry