The Great Divide(r)

Or the alternate title: How We Almost Broke Off Our Engagement.

Well not really.

I'm sure we both contemplated staple gunning each other at different points of this story and I'm sure the phrase "is this how it's going to be?" popped into each of our heads for an hour or two a split second, but our marriage wasn't in real jeopardy.

And I'm getting ahead of myself so let's start again.

When we were engaged I suffered from a bout of not-so-subliminal messaging via the Home Depot and came up with an ill-fated plan that was no more than just a quick idea jotted down on a napkin a la Spinal Tap. I seriously thought that we could build some kind of cool room divider so we could Feng Shui the place up (btw, I'd love to hear how you say that term - please go all phonetic in my comments).

The purpose of this divider was to serve as a diversion for chi so maybe we could benefit from it's positive energy. I thought it could also serve as a great place to hang our house keys. I had done some research and not only were we losing time locating our keys each morning, we were letting all our chi fly out the balcony door since it faces the front door. Basically when chi came in to our home, it immediately says "see ya" and booked it out the other door.

So why not change it's course and send it down to see the ugliest bathroom at the end of the hall? Seriously, I've never seen a bathroom porcelain that colour -- it's the colour of silly putty -- and the tiles can't look clean because I've discovered they look dirty when they are freakin' clean. Motherfreakin' Sisyphean housework is driving me mental y'all.

So yes, we needed to build that diversion: enter the plan to build the divider. I drew it on a scrap of paper, hit the upholstery stores and then we purchased all the parts and stain. We even got a brand new staple gun, the kind that would kill a man (not really but keep thinking it and sleep with one eye open.) Then we started to create our great divider.

It's fuzzy after that. There was a lot of swearing. Threats. Gnashed teeth. Misspent staples. Thoughts involving the drill and/or hammer. Pantomined knees to the groin. Double barrelled finger giving. You know, mature attitudes.

And now we've come full circle to "How We Almost Broke Our Engagement. Well not really."

We survived this like some kind of Amazing Race challenge and felt better for it. I'm just glad we did it before we got married; who needs freaking marriage classes when you've got home improvement projects?

Anyhow, it turns out the great divide not only served as a chi detour, it also stood for the most expensive and largest cat scratching post I've ever owned.

I'm pretty sure he started it:

With his usual accomplice:

These two slowly destroyed my precious divider, one thread at a time. No amount of water sprayers or guilt trips worked and a few weeks ago I decided I could take it no more.

Deep down I knew any chi that came in our front door was more than likely confused by that monstrosity and probably stopped only long enough to wonder why we would keep a teetering wobbly wooden frame, covered in tattered material, and a coating of animal hair right next to the front door. Just what kind of monsters and demons did we need to keep at bay?

So the divider that almost divided us no longer served it's purpose and as much as it reminded me daily of something that didn't kill us, it had to go. We tossed it rather unceremoniously into the place where furniture goes to die in this building and to counteract it's departure, I'm hoping that the bookcase against that same wall will create enough of an off ramp for chi.

And as much as I know I didn't really need that piece of dilapidated furniture to have positive energy, I still kinda wish I had taken a picture of it for the album. You know, for the grandkids.

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Attention Toronto / Southern Ontario parents:

The super awesome party people, The Bunch Family, are hosting the annual momma appreciation event this Saturday afternoon in Toronto and this year it's all about Glam Rock. I'll be there kicking it with other Canada Moms Blog writers - and if you haven't been over to Canada Moms Blog, you are seriously missing out on some of the best Canadian writers out there. And I am totally serious. And how often does that happen?