Insects. Arthropods. Ephemeral little fuckers. I have this completely over the top reaction to motherf**kin' bugs. It's not that when I think about them I get particularly squeamish or anything, I'm actually really brave in my head (exception: these guys and these guys, just googling these images made my hands fly off the keyboard when landing on that page.) But when I actually see a bug that is larger than say, a fleck of dust, I wig out. My Horton would not have helped that Who. When I set my eyes on something bug-like, I suffer a full body paralysis and I'm rendered helpless. How to rob me? Just throw a beetle in my direction and then grab my wallet - odds are, I will tell the police it was the beetle and cry to the point where everyone will be very uncomfortable in the room. I'm really good at doing that.
In fact, it's a rare occasion when I've been able to overcome this bug paralysis to snuff out the intruder - so rare that I can't actually think of a time it's happened - but I'm sure it has (well, I hope it has.) When I'm not rendered completely dysfunctional due to bug exposure, my only other reaction is to do what I term the "Scoobie-Doo run", where I actually run on the spot in mid air before disappearing over the horizon in an inexplicable cloud of dust.
While visiting friends in Korea they told me about this daily visitor they encountered and christened the "shit bug." He often entered through the screenless washroom window to land near whoever was occupying the throne and made a loud alien chittering noise. I lived in fear of meeting this bug and each time I went into their washroom, I made sure to be a quick as humanly possible. Let's just say I didn't skip my fibre while staying with them, for fear of extended visits to the throne room. Oh great, now I have Sade stuck in my head. Not that that song is about pooping (is it? She does say minimal waste, maximum joy). OK, I'm totally getting off track.
Exactly. I swear.
And my friend said that I actually jumped up, and while suspended in air, ran like my name was Shaggy, and I had just seen The Stone Creature and The Ghost of Katazoma in episode two of season one of The Scooby-Doo Show called "The Fiesta Host Is an Aztec Ghost". What? You don't remember that episode. Well apparently I ran without the benefit of traction and that was the last time I sat in their living room without wearing a bug suit and carrying one of these:
What? You don't want to read about my bug phobia? You just want to know where I get off not posting for eons. Hell, I bet you don't even remember who I am it's been so long since I've posted. You are probably saying "who is this and how did she get in my reader?". Or not.
Yah, well... I will explain why.
Anyhow, nice to see you all, I'm just working in the motherbumper blogging muscles after an extended leave and I have a fear of over-extending myself. So I'll stop right about...here.