talking points on pulp products

It seems that this keyboard is trying to shut me up. Each time I reach for it to pound out a personal post, it fails me. Yah, I'm blaming the keyboard and my misplaced thesaurus.

But that said, it doesn't mean I haven't got anything to say. It's just the words aren't falling into place. I blame global warming.

Anyhow, this morning my daughter decided she was going to use some of the tissue boxes in the recycling bin to make cozy little beds for some of her toys. Which is all fine and dandy except she decided that the two reclaimed tissue containers weren't enough so she proceeded to open up and remove all the tissues in ALL the new boxes of snot rags from the jumbo palette of boxes I purchased at some mega-store earlier this cold season. Holy run on sentence and...

*head hits keyboard*

Of course if I hadn't been so selfish as to leave her playing quietly in the room while I went on bathroom break, this wouldn't have happened. My bodily functions are so freakin' selfish. I'm thinking of having myself corked.

Anyhow, speaking of purchasing mass quantities of paper products (my broken post, my broken segue) yesterday I was talking with mamatulip about finding used bandages in unexpected places and she asked me to share a story. While we were talking used bandages, I was reminded of a story involving mass quantities of pulp (you may, hopefully will, understand why I thought of this story later on). Years ago when I still lived in Halifax, the local drug store had a huge sale on toilet paper and nothing appeals more to my inner cheap bastard than toilet paper on sale. How I wish that last sentence fragment wasn't actually true.

So yes, there was massive sale on shit-tickets and I went to the store to load up. Because two things are for certain in my life: I need TP and I'm gonna die. Screw taxes. Though if I get corked, I guess I won't need to get so freakin' excited about TP on sale...

YES BUT NOT POINT OF STORY (I warned you this was messy - but not as messy as say, when one forgets to purchase TP):

So I tumbled out of the store trying to negotiate staying upright with bags and bags of discount TP and ran smack into Kelsey Grammer. Literally. I knocked the man to the ground with my huge bags of shit tickets. He must have some Canadian blood in him because he apologized to me and continued down the street. Or he assumed I was indeed a mad woman and figured that was the safest exit strategy. Which it was.

*fin*

EPILOGUE: the next evening I was in a diner eating some moussaka with this really strange but stunningly good looking woman who I always kept at arms length because she was really REALLY intense, when in mid bite I felt like someone was watching me. And there was.  It was Kelsey Grammer standing in the window staring at my meal. He was admiring my plate and probably didn't recognize me because I wasn't carrying 96 rolls of toilet paper at one time. Because for the record, that's how many I did buy. Also for the record, the moussaka was really kick-ass tasty.

But that's NOT the story mamatulip wanted me to share, she wanted the one about the used bandage found in pizza as I stated in my comment on her post but you see, because my brain is filled with tickle associations, I categorized that story under brushes with celebs and somehow that Kelsey Grammer story ranks number one and outranks my soiled bandage served by a famous person story. Not sure why, but it does.

So yes, my dirty used bandage story is quick: Aged fifteen motherbumper goes to her favourite cafe to buy a pot of tea - because a pot of tea lasts the longest and she could sit there and chain smoke with her friends without worrying about being asked to leave by the management. On this particular day, she noticed the cafe had their yummy homemade pizza and she obviously had an extra few dollars in the pocket because she decided to buy a slice. And who served it up? Sarah McLaughlan. Motherbumper ate the pizza and when she got to the last few bites noticed that the last slice of pepperoni wasn't pepperoni but a sauce and cheese covered bandage. End of story.

For the record: pizza was still yummy and it wasn't Sarah's bandage. It was also years before either of us were famous.

See? that could have been an exciting story (not really) but this keyboard is failing me.

ANYHOW I was also going to talk about some new projects that have me hyper excited but I'm just worried they will sound less exciting because I obviously made the wrong sacrfices to the blogging goddesses this month and have lost what little ability I had to communicate online:

FIRST ~ Sweet Blog: with the magic of the lady behind Sweetney / MamaPop fame and with the design prowess of Mommy Melee we will take your blog to an entire new level of coolness. Seriously, we will rock you.

SECOND ~ Canada Moms Blogs: still in beta but rocking likes it's alpha. Still adding new writers all the time and will be official and stuff anyday now but go over and peak because HELLO _ AWESOME CONTENT! Once again, we will, we will rock you.

Okay, I'd better sign off now before they come to cut out my tongue.

~ image: flickr KateMonkey ~