Tuesday, August 5

I always figured my retirement plan would involve something like this

Gigi at this very moment just had one of the biggest revelations of her life and I hope she isn't scarred by her discovery.

She was watching her dose of Dora and she suddenly blurted out "HEY, monkeys don't talk".

Wow. I didn't see that one coming. What's next I wonder and does anyone want to hazard a guess?

Anyhow on with the show.

Last Friday at a playground playdate, I was enjoying my day and just minding my own business - the business of keeping Gigi from maiming or mutilating anything in her path of destruction. It was one of those days and I have the bruises to prove it.

Gigi was having a blast and the other mom I'm hanging with all of the sudden blurted out "HEY LOOK WHAT I FOUND!" and reached into the sand to scoop out a subway token.

To say the least, I was a wee bit jealous. That wench, I mean beautiful lady just found two seventy-five in the sand. I'm like totally TTC depended and that was one nice free trip home. But I hid my petty envy and congratulated her on her find (I kid, I said nothing and pretended I did not hear about her lucky find because I'm petty like that). The other mom who had joined us, sans kids BECAUSE SHE'S SMART, congratulated her on her newly acquired token, so my bitchiness was not noticed. I think.

Anyhow, twenty minutes later I was walking down the street with the other moms & kid team, when I saw a small piece of paper seemingly stuck to the sidewalk ahead. I reached down and scooped up what I quickly realized was a cheque.

The "finder of subway token" mom asked me "how much is it for?" as she saddled up next to me, so I start reading off the amount... um... let's see... I slowly read the number off: 251, 371 dollars and 95 cents.

Um, a quarter of a million dollars?


Dudes, I totally trumped her pansy-ass subway token by a long shot.

So tell me folks - what would you do with it? I actually called the signer of the cheque and told his assistant (yah, when you write cheques like that, you have an assistant and probably somebody who will chew your food on your behalf) who laughed when I said what I found. Then she repeated outloud "you found a cheque on the street?" and I heard someone in the background yell out "YIPEE!". And then after putting me on hold for a couple of minutes, she asked me to drop it in the mail thankyouverymuchandgoodbye - end of conversation.

I knew I should have tried forging it first. Screw this honesty crap. Bah.

28 comments:

Amelia Sprout said...

Uh, rude much? (not you, of course). You just saved some poor assistant's ass cause she dropped the check and they didn't even so much as offer to buy you a cup of coffee? Wow...

SciFi Dad said...

I'd love to say I would have cashed it and walked away, but I probably would have done the same thing you did.

mothergoosemouse said...

Jeeeee-SUS.

Yeah, drop it in the mail...with a note attached: "Thanks so much for offering a $25K reward. My Paypal addy is..."

Assertagirl said...

Just a yipee? Sheesh. So much for citizen chivalry, eh?

Mayberry said...

make sure you put your return address on there when you send it! Maybe the cheque-LOSER will send you a few subway tokens as a reward.

GEEZ.

Don Mills Diva said...

I think you might have had some trouble cashing that puppy anyway. Maybe you'll some kind of reward - besides, you know, knowing you did the right things, blah, blah, blah...

for a different kind of girl said...

WTH?! Not even a "Here's some coupons for four free dinners at Applebee's"? A bouquet of flowers? Lame!

Once, when I was just out of college, a friend found $50 bucks on the ground in a grocery store. He did a little dance, pocketed the bill, and never looked back.
I am STILL jealous about that, so the subway token thing would probably put me over the edge!

Denguy said...

You need to mail it to them with a return address.
Hint, hint.

ktjrdn said...

NO reward? AND you have to pay for postage? Congratulations! you just found a (tiny little) expense that you didn't have before. yippee!

Heather said...

Sheesh. If they can write checks for that amount, maybe they can buy some manners too.

I found $20 when I was a pre-teen. I thought I was quite rich.

My hubs found a $10 near our doctor's office. We both always still look in the same place when we walk by. 'Cuz you know chances are we'll find more money there. Or not.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I'd go to where they're located and demand a reward! LOL

Mandy said...

If that were our company, we'd be giving you a pretty nice reward. Definitely at least a dollar more than the subway token. (Seriously though, I can't believe they weren't more grateful.)

kittenpie said...

We hav found cheques tucked in library books before, too, and called the person whose informatino was on the cheque. They tend to be way grateful, though, so I'd hve thought they'd at least offer you something... I hope you put a note with return address in just in case they grow a nice factor and consider that.

Anissa Mayhew said...

Isn't that a cashier's check? Hold that bitch hostage and get a reward out of it. Because i'm all about making the world a better place.

Kyla said...

You TOTALLY deserve a reward.

Maybe send them a ransom note instead. Heh.

crazymumma said...

I'll send you my address, I'll cash it, get caught, after having buried the dough.

You can visit my ass in jail and when I get out we can go all Thelma and Louise.

Chag said...

You should've cashed it. It would've paid for the therapy your daughter will need now that she realizes that everything she once held dear is a lie.

I saw $5 fly out of a guy's window the other week. I turned around, stopped in the middle of the road, and picked it up. Highlight of my month.

(^oo^) bad girl (^oo^) said...

Very fine......

Anonymous said...

Send it COD :P

mamatulip said...

I would have dug my heels in to the ground and NOT MOVED THEM until I was offered a substantial finders fee.

I'd like to think that, anyway, but...I would have just put it in the mail and blogged about it. Much like you.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

What, no reward?? What is this world coming to? How thoughtless. I bet they kick kittens just for fun too.

Ali said...

gabe found a cheque for almost that much on the gold course recently. he also just dropped it in the mail...you guys are NO fun! ;)

Tracey said...

Holy moly, I can't believe they didn't offer you some huge reward or at least offer to come and PICK IT UP themselves!! You have to put your own freakin stamp on it?!?

nomotherearth said...

Yeah, that was not good personal relations on their part.

I'm impressed you returned the cheque. I'd be halfway to Vegas by now.

sandra said...

I've been telling this story to everyone who will listen. Only in my version we take the lucky subway token-paid-for-ride to the bank and cash it, head for Costa Rica and live happily ever after ...

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I think you should mail them a snarky Thank You card.

Lisa b said...

AND you put it up on the internet with no identifying features?
come on you did not put that in the mail? I'm sorry but they can't expect you to call AND to cough up 52 cents to get it back to them. ooops maybe it got lost.

greg said...

who writes checks, er, cheques for that much anyway?