Thursday, August 7

City Mouse

One thing that I still find mind-blowing on a daily basis, is Gigi's ability to tell me about her view of the world and how she thinks this crazy world works. Seriously, that kid makes my head explode by making mah poor poor brains working overtime each and every day. Throw in some over-the-top tantrums that come outta the blue and you've got one momma with a huge head'plosion.

Recently she went to the park with her dad where they discovered an injured mouse. They stood over the struggling creature, who couldn't walk very well according to SB, and talked all things mouse. SB was trying to figure out a way to put the mouse out of it's misery without permanently scarring our daughter anymore than we already have with our particular style of parenting called CHAOS RULES. But he couldn't.

That's one of the many things I love about SB: he thinks of ways to make the mouse comfortable, yet when he mentioned an injured mouse to me, I think about the likelihood of that damn mouse giving my kid lice or ticks. He is a ying to my yankeedoodledandy OCD.

Anyhow, there was more to the story that didn't involve the mouse and I promptly forgot about the rodent-portion of the park recap.

That night, I pulled the short stick and took first shift for the over-the-top, elaborate, completely out of control bed-time routine Gigi has trained us to follow. We need a Nanny 911 intervention of the cosmic kind STAT. Thinking about bedtime makes me curl up in the corner and rock uncontrollably. Worthy of a post but I'm too tired to write it.

So yah, it was my turn to go more insane. We read a pile of books, discussed this week in politics, dissected the most recent episode of Make Me A Supermodel (I want my girl to be well rounded or at least neurotic and superficial), before moving on to "This Day In Review" portion of the sleep(less) routine.

As I lay next to her she brought up the injured mouse again. Suddenly she leaned in towards me and asked how the mouse became injured. I hesitated - I didn't know the story and what if she was recording this conversation and I somehow implicated myself in the assault of this rodent? I watch 48 hours and Dateline when I'm too lazy to locate the remote and I've seen what can happen to a few misplaced words.

I took the safe route and said I had no idea because I never saw no stinkin' mouse (double negative? So I saw the stinkin' mouse? I'll never tell - or never not tell - confused? so am I, welcome to my world). But this answer did not satisfy her. Again she asked, how the mouse came to be injured.

Against the advice of my lawyer (the one who sits on my shoulder and sings dirty limericks to the tune of CCR songs into my ear - between dispensing of legal advice), I hazarded a guess about the mouse's physical ailments: maybe he fell off a rock or maybe he was caught by a cat (always blame the cat).

She shook her head while saying "no" in a hushed tone. She looked me straight in the eye and said "Clowns Mommy, it was clowns".

Once again, definitive proof that SHE IS MY CHILD. Clown hating is apparently genetic.

24 comments:

kittenpie said...

CLOWNS? This is what comes of watching horror movies. Apparently, you've fed it to her in your milk.

Chag said...

So clowns are part-time exterminators, then? But apparently not very good ones.

Mimi said...

CLOWNS!!! omg, no. And so she is truly your daughter.

Now tell us about the sleep ...

Lynette said...

Pennywise is everywhere, my friend. Clowns are evil. I totally believe her.

Backpacking Dad said...

goddamned painted freaks.

Mouse said...

So glad I got out of Toronto if there are roving bands of clowns.

Lisa b said...

WHAT??? Are you kidding me?
I don't know how this kind of information is transmitted through DNA, but here is clear proof.

nomotherearth said...

Clowns are the bane of mice everywhere.

What??

SciFi Dad said...

I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS THE CLOWNS ALL ALONG!

bastards.

for a different kind of girl said...

Clowns are straight up bad ass! I swear to you, when I was 4, a gaggle of them piled out of the tiny car at the first circus my dad took me to, and one of those freaks pointed at me, and that smile of his? Masked the evil smirk. I screamed bloody clown murder, my dad drug me out of the circus, and I've never been back.

So damn right I believe the clowns had a hand in that mouse's slow, painful, and inevitable death.

mamatulip said...

Yup, sounds about right: when in doubt, blame the clowns.

petite gourmand said...

I'm guessing that The Devils Rejects wasn't a favourite movie for you.
now THAT was one scary clown!

yes...do share about the horrors of the bedtime ritual (just so i know I'm not alone)
misery loves company ;

Ali said...

of course it was the clowns.
the damn clowns.
smart girl.

Anissa Mayhew said...

That totally made me think of Tim Curry in IT...munching on mice. Thanks, I need a prozac now.

Kyla said...

That is hilarious...and scary.

(Backpacking Dad's comment made me snort with sudden laughter)

mothergoosemouse said...

IT is alive and well in Toronto, I see.

Laura said...

wish I had known this last year when we had RATS in our cupboards! Had I known that all I needed was a red nose and rainbow afro, I would've saved myself a lot of time and stress! Send in the clowns!

And hey, you know, I actually know people that went to clown school. They were all depressed, angry, and suicidal...this was BEFORE the clowning school....
have yet to meet a happy clown.

jennie said...

Clowns. Now that's funny.

We went through a stage here where monsters were a big fear. So i told the kids I had an invisible monster fence installed that ran the perimeter of our yard. It worked so well, that if I had to hire someone to come out and do fake maintenance, I would.

Clown fence around your building? i think it could work.

Velma said...

AWESOME.

(And, as a veteran of the Ridiculously Convoluted Bedtime Routine Experience, I feel your pain.)

Sus said...

Every. Single. Part. of this post is funny.

Oh, but don't mention the political part of your bedtime routine to my kid, please. It's the only thing we haven't incorporated yet. We sing prayers and do total body massages for God's sake.

Mom101 said...

Aw, Nate does the same thing. Baby birds, baby rats...he has a heart for all of the little creatures of the world. Good man. Good girl.

But I keep thinking "WORMS Roxanne! I was afraid of worms!"

Redneck Mommy said...

Damn Bumper. I didn't think I could love you more, but Gigi and her adorableness definitely makes it possible.

heh.

Gah. I miss you. Hearbreakingly so.

IRISHKAT said...

Yeah I totally get her. I hate clowns, the creep the shit out of me. I won't even take my boys to the circus because - gasp! - They will be there. I now have another reason why I hate them so.

Mrs Imelda said...

Damn those clowns!! Good to catch up with you!