Thursday, May 15

scenes from the subway

Act One:
While standing (crouching actually) on the platform, I could not resist nibbling and making munching noises all over Bumper's head. It's something I've done since day one. She is so delectably delicious, how can I resist?

Anyhow, as I made those (apparently) annoying num-num noises right next to her ear, loud enough for her to hear but not those around us, Bumper announced loudly "STOP".

I stopped and asked why.

"Stop nibbling on me mommy, I'm not that yummy".

She is so wrong.
couldn't resist then, can't resist now
Act Two:
This time I'm by myself and catching to the train to go pick up Bumper. As I sit down on the outward facing seat, I notice the man directly across from me is staring hard. Like creepy hard. Years of subway riding experience has trained me to not sit across from folks like that but I figured I only had one stop - what could happen in one stop?

HA!

So the creep leans over and said "a pretty girl like you deserves a better wedding ring than that".

WTF?

BTW - I picked out my engagement ring with my husband and wear it with a classic band. SB knew better than picking out the symbol of our impending nuptials on his own. But why the hell do I feel like defending it - the guy was an obvious ass.

He also had a shade of crazy in his eyes so I decided to just give him the glare that kills small woodland creatures on contact (not that I go around glaring at small woodland creatures). Why give that wanker the benefit of raising my blood pressure?

What would have you done? Seriously, he made me feel stabby. Dang, I wish I could have thought of a good comeback.

18 comments:

daysgoby said...

The smooshy little bird feet!

Eh? Crazy? What man?

Sorry, I got diatracted by the SMOOSHY WIDDLE BIRD FEET!

nomotherearth said...

If I could have thought of it in time (which I most decidedly wouldn't have..), I would have told him that they don't make rings as beautiful as I am. Take that, Crazy!

crazymumma said...

mmm. nibbling one's kids. Always and forever.

and yes. some ttc moments must be avoided at all cost.

Heather said...

Nope, no good comebacks from me either. Gross.

I loves me some baby feet too.

heather in the `shwa said...

I can't lie and say i think i'd come up with it on the spot but i'd be inclined to say "hah i can only imagine what your wedding ring would look like then" in a tone that made it clear he was the height of fugly. But, ignoring is usually the best defence to creep-os.

for a different kind of girl said...

Could have told him it was a pity he didn't care for them, for they were stolen from the lady you killed a few blocks over (or, in keeping with a theme, from the fingers you'd gnawed off the lady) and the train ride was your escape method.

All while giving him the wonk eye.

(sorry to resort to violence. the day's been a bit of a bear!)

IRISHKAT said...

I would taken the family heirloom route with the ring. Something like "Well I am sure my dead great grandmother may feel differently about the ring she passed down." Though different kind of girl's comment made me smile :) Mooo ah ha ha

Backpacking Dad said...

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I had 'If you're crazy and obnoxious please address me' written on my forehead. Now go away before I mock you again. In the eye."

Mac and Cheese said...

The stink-eye is all that comes to mind over here. Anything else would probably have been enjoyed by that freak.

mamatulip said...

I have no idea what I would have said. I probably would have started giggling uncontrollably. Or just stammered. I'm always good for some stammering.

And the nibbling. Dude. It's boss.

Chag said...

Has anything good ever come from a sentence that starts with "a pretty girl like you?" Isn't that used in all stalker movies?

mothergoosemouse said...

I've been informed on multiple occasions: "Stop that. I'm not FOOD."

I would have told the asshole it was my dead grandmother's ring.

Ali said...

wanker is right? who says things like that? seriously?

Mandy said...

I have no idea what you could've said.

Vancouver has somewhat of a market on crazy... we've inherited all of the rest of the country's crazies. So you never know when you're going to get a weird-looking guy saying something harmless, or a weird-looking guy saying something, well, weird. I've perfected the smile, small chuckle and nod and then quick exit stage left.

And those toes... so adorable!

kittenpie said...

Ha! I think Pumpkinpie and I may have had that same No, mommy! moment. And Bumber IS adorable, so I totally get how you can't resist. I'm the same with Pumpkinpie.

And um, I'd probably go with a raised eyebrow, my standard, unless I declared I was more interested in the man than the ring. (I picked mine, too, btw.) Or you could go nasty:
A lovely guy like you deserves his own padded room.

Lisa b said...

I just like to stare at the crazy people like they are crazy.
I do hesitate though if they seem REALLY crazy like this guy for fear of provoking attack.

jennie said...

I'm sure I would have said something like "Yeah, heh heh" then spent the rest of the day thinking about the comeback I wish I would have said.

and your daughter IS that yummy. she's adorable.

gunfighter1 said...

you should have said: "Hey, I'm pals with a very large, very angry American with guns. Don't fuck with me!"