Thursday, May 22

1 + 1 = meltdown

Okay - get this:

On a whim, today I decided to take my daughter to a city park called Riverdale Farm (it has animals, it's in the city, and it's free) and I took her without any of the following items:
  • drinks
  • snacks
  • stroller
  • cash
  • and obviously, sanity
Did I mention we also did this via public transportation?

Clearly a person is insane when they attempt this kind of adventure with a high spirited, snack-happy kid who demands to be carried every half block. When I do give in and carry her, she refuses to wrap legs around me or position on hip, and instead chooses to dangle until the I just cannot repeat "please help mummy and please just hug with your legs" without the fear of adding expletives between each word. Then I place her down and force her to walk until the demands starts again at approximately fifty paces out.

Today our original plan was to get my driver's license replaced (long story - maybe later) and based on previous experience, I expected that it would take at least an hour or two. Because of the frequent long waits, I wanted to get us to the office early (we did all our passports last year and we were there for six weeks - we lived on Baby MumMums and condensation collected of the AC units).

Well today, we walked into the office, they asked me what I needed, they give me a number, and then proceeded to immediately called my number. WTF? I walked up in front of about 150 people and was out the door in under five minutes. I could actually feel some of the long range daggers in my back as I left the office.

Anyhow, the quick trip kinda left our day wide open, so after joining SB for an early morning coffee break I had the brilliant idea of going to the farm. Before it was out my mouth, Bumper was chanting "FARM" like a lunatic sports fan who worshipped team faaaaaaaarm. Well how could I deny that?

So off we went.

First mistake: I forgot which subway stop we needed to go to which resulted in walking three city blocks because I was sure the next station was on the next block (and so on, and so on). Then I got us on the wrong bus and ended thinking it was waaaaaay closer than it was and made the kid walk something like ten zillion blocks unassisted. This long range walking was a first for B and the fact that she survived that ordeal has proven that she can do it, so sorry kid, the free rides are over.

Anyhow, I was kinda hoping all this exercise would work in my favour and take the edge of her her usual endless energy. Mostly I was praying for this because I was beginning to realize all the items I did NOT have on me (see above). Sure I had the pull-ups/diapers and wipes (thank da *%$@ because I almost used them all today). But because I rushed us out the door in the morning, I forgot the basics.

Despite my short comings in the parental packing skill area, the farm was loads of fun. For two hours we ran around, saw the cutest damn baby animals, and walked what I'm sure was every path, all while drinking the water and juice I had bought with purse change. I figured we'd be home in time for lunch, and because she ate a big breakfast, we would be fine.

omg I'm so obviously delusional.

My child likes her snacks and no snacks means tantrums. Sometimes she doesn't eat snacks but I almost always have them on me - just in case. I figured I'd be able to find something healthy on the way, something that doesn't cost more than my purse change or a store that takes debit. While I'm sure that I passed a few of those places on our way in, I surprised by the lack of healthy or affordable snacks at the farm. So here we were, blocks away from lunch and my child had decided she wanted to STAY AT THE FARM - FOREVER.

Or at least that is what she told pretty much all of eastern Toronto when I tried to suggest leaving. Then I tried applying leaving and the full-throttle-on-the-ground episodes began.

Now I subscribe to letting tantrums run their course and as long as she isn't hurting herself or anyone else (or the place is completely inappropriate). I believe it's better than trying to suppress her emotions. Also I find when I do it this way the tantrums run shorter and in no time she is up and totally acting as if nothing happened. Which always makes me do a double take.

Well today, we can say I did many many double takes. I had to facilitate so many meltdowns, I felt like I was on an episode of Nanny 911 - except on Nanny 911 it's usually a montage of a meltdowns while ours seemed like they were one right after the other. I really felt for her, the poor kid - she was pushed to the limits.

There are about fifty other stories to tell about this adventure.

Like how she argued with me over the penis on the hen (there was no penis on the hen - trust me). She wouldn't let it go.

Or how she told everyone we encountered she was going to see where tweety bird worked.

Or how for every single baby animal she saw today produced the following statement from her "awwwwwwww look at the cute baby" in a total high pitched sing song voice.

Or how she has adopted a new laugh and it sounds EXACTLY like Pee Wee Herman's famous "hee hee".

But only one story is needed to wrap up this post. Tonight, at bedtime she leaned over and said to me "I liked the farm today mommy. Can we go again?". There is no way to say no to that. But next time, I'm packing supplies. Momma ain't no fool. Twice.

BTW - thank you so much for all the meme tags, supportive words, and nice stuff (even you Sage). I now have enough memes to stimulate the old brain hole and try to stop the stuttering. Thanks guys, it really is appreciated.


SciFi Dad said...

Wow. You lived to tell that story?

I am fortunate enough to have married someone who overpacks for everything. We always have spare this or extra that, no matter if we're going for a weekend, or to the grocery store.

It's kinda scary to think about my life with a preschooler if I were the one in charge, actually.

Kyla said...

Have I mentioned that KayTar screams, "Help me! Don't take me! It's an emergency!" any time I suggest things that she isn't agreeable to? Like getting the car? I'm sure the cops will be called on me very soon.

She does it at home, too. Especially when we suggest she might like to eat something. SIGH.

I feel your temperamental toddler pains.

toyfoto said...

I can't pack for #@I$!

I feel your pain.

Mayberry said...

Hate packing. Haaaaate. And somehow my kids have gotten the idea that snacks are ESSENTIAL for the 5-minute trip between school and home.

daysgoby said...

Oh shee-it. The adopted laugh. I spent (what felt like years but was in reality only) months hissing at Cass 'That's NOT YOUR LAUGH. I like YOUR laugh. Where is my little boy? Because he doesn't laugh like THAT.'

Yes, total and complete Mommy love - except when he sounds like a cross between a whooping crane and a motorboat.....

And I am FOREVER forgetting that a fun day out means tired kids that need naps, and an ASTOUNDED when suddenly one will FREAK THE HELL OUT and I realize - whoops, the nice-baby meter? It just RAN OUT.

nomotherearth said...

You are brave, oh snack-less one.

Mandy said...

I think I once tried something like that... excursion, no supplies. Yeah. You live, you learn, you never ever do it again because it scars you for life.

Glad you lived to tell the tale... especially of the hen with a penis. Now THAT makes the petting zoo kinda fun.

Ali said...

i am a chronic under-packer. i never have the right stuff with me. GRR> it's probably why i never want to take my monsters out anywhere. haha.

Mac and Cheese said...

Gee, what a fun day that was. Glad you survivied it.

for a different kind of girl said...

I am the mom who never has anything. Never has tissue. Never has snacks. Never has something to drink. Cripes, I once drove 15 miles out of my way to find a Target so I could run in and buy a freakin' pacifer because I left the 2,054 I already owned at home. I feel your pain!

Luckily, you didn't resort to the option of slautering a farm animal and prepping it for a snack. There would have been no troubles leaving then, for they'd have gotten you out quick.

(Sorry...I just realized I hit the morbid head a few times when I come here, don't I. I'll try and do better. I'll also try and prep for kid adventures better, too!)

kgirl said...

You is all kinds of crazy.
Dude - when you are stuck at the farm with no snacks and no stroller - YOU CALL ME! I can be there in a jiff.
Better yet, let's go together next time. I wanna see that hen penis.

Janet said...

I am currently toddlerizing my third child and I *still* forget drinks and snacks 3/4 of the time. It's not my fault; I received no formal training in this area.

kittenpie said...

I'm the insane overpacker, which can be just as bad, since you end of lugging a million things around that don't even get used. It's a no-win. And it occurred to me as I read this - can you piggy-back her? I'm finding that much easier that the carry now that Pumpkinpie is getting bigger, but I know you have some back issues, so it may not be better for you. Worth a shot, anyhow, once they get heavy.

IRISHKAT said...

Do you know how lucky you are that you survived?? Good gawd woman - Never, NEVER leave without snacks!! ha ha

mamatulip said...


Seriously. I probably would have laid down to cry behind a tree (or a cow) at the farm.

NotSoSage said...

This sent shivers down my spine. Oh, I sympathise. I have made that mistake before and, believe me, you never make it again.

At least not when you make it in NYC.

But, getting back to this hen penis...

mothergoosemouse said...

Totally sputtering at Kyla's comment (and feeling grateful that neither of my girls have tried that strategy...yet).

Those kiddos have endless energy when we're not trying to direct it toward a specific purpose. As soon as we assert an agenda (like walking a full block), they become limp little noodles, don't they?

Chag said...

Man! I need to teach my kids how to laugh like Pee Wee.

I have been in that situation too many times to ever let it happen again. It takes me an hour to pack everything we need every time we leave the house. And I tend to get weird stares when people see me towing a U-Haul everywhere I go.

Lisa b said...

how is it that they can run for two hours at the park yet not walk a single city block.
I feel your pain.
the temper tantrums here have reached all time intolerable levels.
It has nothing to do with whether you have snacks. If you did they would freak out bc how dare you offer them a cracker.

Simple Answer said...

I still have tantrums when there are no snacks.

Cassie said...

Wow! I'm impressed that you even made it to the farm, because I'm pretty sure I would have given up after the walking three blocks and winding up on the wrong bus ordeal. Yep, I'm that lazy!

scarbie doll said...

Miss I Never Comment is piping in (so for next time you know) here to say (as someone who forgets EVERYTHING) that the lovely folks at the farm sell snacks in the main house where the bathrooms are. Cookies are 3 for a buck or something and have oatmeal in them, so you don't feel so bad calling them lunch. They also make a mean tuna sandwich and sometimes even pizza in that woodfired oven thing they have out back.

Nate also refuses to leave the farm EVER, so we tell him he can sleep in the stinky barn with the animals and we'll just visit him from time to time. One whiff of that barn.... works every time.

(Can you tell I'm a pro at the farm? Marla was my sherpa -- you just needed a Riverdale Farm sherpa. Can you also tell I was hesitant to give out assvice, but really needed you to know?)