Tuesday, May 27

some nerve


My mole hill turned into a mountain last week.

"Don't sweat the small stuff darling" I heard too many times.

"Let it all go" I heard at least a dozen times.

"Relax" was a common response to my whimpers.

I tried and I failed.

The juggling clown dropped the balls.

The stress I carried became a bullet and it shot right out the side of my head. Literally.

Late last week I felt a pain by my ear. My neck started to swell. I dismissed it as a bug bite gone bad. It happens.

Hours later I was writhing in pain. My neck felt like it was full of gravel. Correction: tiny hand grenades that were blowing up in every direction. I dragged myself to the doctor and (drum roll) guess what? Stress can cause you pain. It can compromise your immune system, it can blow up all the nerve endings in your head and start a revolution led by tiny little Che and Fidel axons. It can manifest itself into tiny bombs and it can hurt your body just as much as your mind can.

So I've been ordered to rest.

Do you know how hard it is to "rest"? One as lazy as me should find it easy but in reality I guess I'm not really that lazy. Sure, I turned the ten second rule into the ten minute rule but when it comes to doing "stuff", I actually do a lot of "stuff".

Crap. I'm rambling and I don't like where this post is going.

In my head this post was going to be cathartic. I was going to scream about the folks who have been pissing me off. The folks who have been dragging me down. The people in my life who are such f**king passive-aggressive shits and think I take their antics in stride. Folks who think their actions go unnoticed because I'm too dumb, or too nice, or too stunned. People that ask for help and never say thank you. Oh I notice and no I don't take it stride. I take note and lie in wait. You hand me shit, I smile and write you name down. Really folks, I just play stupid in bloggeritaville but in real life, folks know not to screw with me because if you piss me off - mark my word: your time will come.

But of course, screaming about this solves none of my problems. It probably causes more because some vain creature out there is going to say "omg, she's talking about me, she must be talking about me" which then should make them think "how did I know she was talking about me". Probably because you did something you freakin' wanker. But no one who reads this blog is a wanker right? So I guess I'm not talking about you, am I?

I also wanted to talk about those loads I carry but cannot unload. I really want to share my stress because if it just lightens the load for a few moments and maybe helps someone else feel normal because they look and say "hey, I know that load, I carry that load, I'm not alone" - it would be worth it.

But I can't.

Instead I rest.

Who knew I would suck at "rest"?

Grrrrrrrrrreat... one more thing I suck at doing.

28 comments:

Laurie of the Seven Stories said...

Don't worry motherbumper, I feel ya. Although,my story is the reverse of yours. Passive agressive f*cks, and people who think I am too stupid, too nice or whatev plague me in real life and not on the blog. Do you speak or do you put up and shut up? Just wrote a post on this on my blog earlier today.
Sometimes I wish that I could be one of those people who seems to have their personality sucked out with a straw. The type who speak calmly and softly and think everything is awesome, and that no one ever does anything wrong on purpose, and that if you put out joy, you will get joy back. Unfortunately, I have learned that Sh*t is for suckers. But there is good in the world, you just have to strap on your rose colored glasses, and have a couple of drinks.

SciFi Dad said...

I let off a string of profanity as I read this post. I was worried it would come to this.

Take solace in James Joyce (or U2 if you prefer): "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

Fuckers.

nomotherearth said...

Ok, I sent you an email before I read this, so just ignore it.

How can I help? Babysit? Clean? Cook (although you should be afraid, very afraid)? Bake (I'm actually really good at that). Whatever, I'm here. Stress sucks. You rest. (Easier said than done, huh?)

Sandra said...

You know I love ya and am here for you whenever and however you need it. Listen to your body. I know (first hand) that is easier said than done.

Looking forward to seeing you in the flesh soon to give ya a big squeeze of support.

S
xxoxo

Mayberry said...

Being told to just drop everything, all that stuff you've been juggling (mentally, physically) and rest ... dude, that's haaaaaaaaard. Hard!

Chag said...

How are you supposed to rest when you have Bumper? Do you know some secret that no one's ever bothered to tell me?

And if you ever need to unload, find me.

Kyla said...

My inbox is always open. Don't forget.

metro mama said...

Please let me know how I can help!

Listen to your body.

Ms Picket To You said...

"You hand me shit, I smile, and take your name down."

Brazilliant, and also my until-now wordless motto.

I really do hope you take names -- and then kick ass. Carry around a little note pad, tell everyone it's your "grocery list."

Only half-kidding. Hang tough.

daysgoby said...

Seriously, your head blew off?

I've heard of that but never seen it happen....

I'm sorry, MB. Sorry that it's come to this, sorry that the baggage is getting so heavy.

Can I help? With anything?

Mac and Cheese said...

I know that everyone is offering to help, but add me to that list. If you need anything...

Heather said...

Resting is much harder than most people think.

In fact, my butt hurts from resting, which is not at all restful.

I recommend chocolate cake. It helps a little bit.

Stress is yucky. Hope you're better faster than fast.

Don Mills Diva said...

I'm so sorry.

Is there stuff at BTAP I can help with?

mamatulip said...

omygod you're talking about ME aren't you???

dude. i so wish i lived closer. i'd come and take the bump and let her and oliver wreak havoc together so you could really and truly rest.

xoxo

kgirl said...

you need your head. how can i help? chocolate? taking bump to the park? finding my own damn pictures for playdate posts? anything.

Flutterby said...

Oh geeze.. being told to *relax or calm down* is SO not the way to get me to chill! It usually just pisses me off even more. Everyone else has already said it.. we're here for you.

chris said...

Based on what people are saying here, you're very fortunate to have poeople who care about you, albeit they are in cyberspace...

I'm kinda like you. I smile and I take notes.

Do you play any sports like tennis or golf? If you do then go out there and whack the s**t out of the ball. If you don't play, then go out there anyway and whack the s**t out of the ball. It might help.

Redneck Mommy said...

My head popped off yesterday.

I'm headless and distressed and still can't find the damn thing.

All that good stuff that I was telling mailing you about flushed into the crapper yesterday.

So I'm resting.

And waiting for my head to roll back towards me.

Too bad we couldn't rest together, friend.

Ali said...

"I take note and lie in wait. You hand me shit, I smile and write you name down"

reason #847 that we would be friends in real life

:)

kittenpie said...

Honey, I want you to feel free to call me up this weekend and demand that we get together in the park with our kids and some ice cream if you want, okay? Or call me to bitch. Or hand me some of your work. Or ask me to come and hang with you and force some rest by tying you up with socializing instead. Because yeah, it's tough to rest on your own when there's always something to be done and you get all twitchy. But maybe wine and company would help?

growingapair said...

I'm playing around with a place to dump yer baggage. Obviously, I haven't spruced up the join yet, but...

It's here:
http://toodefensive.wordpress.com/

the mama bird diaries said...

I really hope you feel better.

I suck at resting too.

for a different kind of girl said...

I'm seriously considering taking the phrase "You hand me shit..." and get it put on a Tshirt. But I'd be afraid to wear it out of the house, because, dammit, this annoying people pleaser syndrome I've been diagnosed with. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

I know I'm kinda new to you, but sincerely, I hope you get through what you're going through (rest? ha!), and I'll try to think of someway to punch in the morbid and get back here, K?

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Dammit, woman. you made me come out of hiding.

Can I hug you? Get you a glass of wine? Rub your head? Take out an asshat or two? Say the word and I'll do it.

Lotta said...

Oh yes. Totally feel you. Had to take that Lyrica stuff after my daughter was born I had so much stress pain. It'll fuck you up.

Feel better. Take an Advil PM if you have to.

Janet said...

Resting is hard. I wonder why? I hope you can whittle the mountain down.

Stimey said...

Life can be overwhelming sometimes, for lots of reasons. I hope you do get some rest and that things ease up for you.`

Black Hockey Jesus said...

You should bust out NWA Straight Outta Compton for this mood. I'm serious.