There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Well that solves that debate, doesn't it? I've also renamed this weekly segment "Monday Morning Chuck" because inspiration isn't my strong point and I have an endless supply of Chuck Norris images.
So the other day I was rooting around in my drawers (ahem... that sounds naughty... I'll leave it in because that's about as R rated as you are going to get in these parts... ahem) and I came across a few pairs of smalls that never had been worn before.
They were purchased long before baby. Heck, they were pre-wedding - back from the day when I could fit into those jeans. The ones that make me cry each time I run across in them in the back of the closet. Perhaps you know the ones I speak of? Many folks seem to have a pair that have inspired a post or twenty.
Anyhow, I pull out these unworn smalls and after realizing man, I really need to Spring clean - like OMG have I even done any Spring cleaning since giving birth? - I decided to wear them.
You know those elastics that bind the brocolli together at the market, the wide ones that are too small for any real purpose other than binding brocolli together yet I could probably locate more than 200 in the various drawers of my kitchen? Yes those ones. Well wearing one of those elastics would have been more comfortable than wearing these smalls.
For trying to squeeze into those damn things, you can just call me the:
Once I regained feeling in my lower extremity (after surgical removal of delusionpants) I came to the conclusion that slim hips are highly overrated. So shut-up main stream media and Hollywood, this lady is no longer under your spell. Blood circulation is a good thing.
Did I mention I'm sick AGAIN? This is going down as the coldest, snowy, sicky Winter in recent memory. Spring had better get her a*s here soon because I'm gonna go mad. MAD YOU HEAR? (like I haven't already).
Happy Monday y'all.