Thursday, January 31

fudge


While I was trying to multitask this morning - drink coffee, answer buziness-type emails, prepare snacks for post-gymnastics feast - yes while I was trying to be SUPERMOM (because I am, oh yes I am) - Bumper played quietly in her room.

The quiet part should have been a dead give away that trouble was afoot. Oh and afoot it was - bfeet truth be told.

Bumper smeared a tin of cradle cap salve all over her head. It's made of palm oil, olive oil, cocoa butter, and all sorts of essential oils including lavender and patchouli. It's thick. And goopey. And water resistant - very very water resistant.

OMG - THREE SHAMPOOS LATER and she's still as greasy as we began - except now there is bubbles stuck in with the grease.

Have I ever mentioned how much Bumper hates (abhors, loathes, etc) having her hair washed?

We really only wash her hair when completely desperate and honestly it's a two adult job.

It's akin to wrestling an angry badger - an angry badger on PCP who just got served a restraining order by his former girlfriend and he now lives in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER.

So here I was - alone with Bumper - washing her hair and praying that the neighbours will not phone Child Services because the screams - OMG the screams - and somehow in all of this, I was delusional enough to think we could make gymnastics on time.

Eventually I came to my senses, realized that this stuff was going nowhere and gymnastics would be too dangerous with my greased up monkey.

So I've spent the day with a greasy, hippy-smelling toddler which really isn't as fun as it sounds.

I can't quite put my finger on who she reminds me of... omg... yes I do:



Any suggestions? Besides not comparing my child to Nick Nolte?

26 comments:

Redneck Mommy said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Oh lawd. Too funny. Darn girl, you make me laugh.

(And you have my sympathies about shampooing an angry badger...Bug was the EXACT same way.)

Lisa b said...

oh my.
the bathtime wrestle is no fun.
that sounds brutal.

Crazy Computer Dad said...

ROFL.

It could be worse. My son painted himself in nail polish once. That's a lot of fun to SCRUB off.

More recently he seems to absentmindedly draw on himself with Sharpie's.

Have you thought about a dandruff shampoo for the cradle cap? My son is ten and it comes back sometimes. Someone suggested Selsum Blue and it seemed to do the trick. You could try dishwashing liquid to cut the grease....If you were brave. Otherwise time heals all things right? :-) Time to change the nickname to nicker, or nolter...

Mrs. Chicky said...

Oh no! The Nolte strikes again.

Have you tried a dry shampoo? Or cornstarch? I've heard that works wonders. Oh, and Prell shampoo. Do they even still make that?

metro mama said...

Hilarious!

kgirl said...

I am so sorry - sorry that I peed because I was laughing so hard.

Bump makes a very compelling mug shot. And I am soooo glad (again, sorry) that I am not the only one who leaves the hairwashing until absolutely necessary and only when both parents are fortified with lots of coffee.

Ali said...

ahahahaha.
the story is good. the picture is GREAT.

nomotherearth said...

The question is...why do you have cradle cap salve, hmmm? I know why I have it in the house. Is there something you're not telling us...???

SciFi Dad said...

That's awesome. I mean, not for you, but for me as a bystander? Priceless.

(Oh, and you didn't ask, but how we got around the hairwashing hatred? I started massaging her scalp to help her sleep at night... then I used the same technique when washing her hair. Now? She loves having her hair washed.)

Naomi (Urban Mummy) said...

That's funny. Very funny. For us, of course!

The Happy Boy doesn't like having his hair washed either. Hates getting water in his eyes.

something blue said...

Quiet children are always up to no good.

But does SB know about you and Nick because I think you may have some 'splainin to do?

motherbumper said...

I have never had relations with that man - that's my story and I'm stickin' to it ;)

Now if it was Viggo... well that would be a different story.

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

That is too funny!

Is it possible to try washing the hair with Dawn? It's suppose to cut grease out of the way, you know.

mamafabulosity said...

Try peanut butter. Oh wait that's for gum. Well try it any way. Even if it doesn't work it'll be really funny. :)

VICTORIA said...

That was hilarious! Got the 'down by the river' one, SNL..hahaha!
My dtr got ahold of my eucerine cream when she was 1, she had it all over her body, and her hair. Just about the same struggle you are having! Enjoy! (Not really)

slackermommy said...

I've dealt with a similar scenario. Dawn dishwashing soap did the trick.

Kyla said...

Oh no! But I always wondered how he got his hair to look like that....mystery solved, I guess!

Mandy said...

very very funny... the pictures make it.

reminds me of the time i came home from grocery shopping and asked the hubby sitting in front of his laptop where our son was.

"playing quietly in his room" turned out to be "covered head to toe in permanent blue marker".

the mama bird diaries said...

That is hilarious. I laughed through that entire post.

Funny now. Not so funny then.

So sorry.

And the quiet is the worst. There's always something going terribly wrong.

kittenpie said...

You could slick it back into one of thos sleek 'dos worn by, say, Juliette Binoche or Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies, and WORK IT, BABY! Or, you know, ponytail...

But have you tried actual detergent? Like dish soap? It might be the thing, because it is designed for lipid removal. One of those ones that is tough on grease, I would think.

Christina said...

Oh my. I've used too much on Cordy when she was a baby, but never that much cradle cap goo.

Dawn dishwashing liquid is gently and works well. Just be careful to not get it in her eyes. You might want to enlist the help of another adult.

mamatulip said...

Oh my GAWD. The side by side mug shots are KILLING ME.

KrisUnderwood said...

Too funny.....I am soooo with you on the angry badger bathtime wrestling thing.

Although, my girl resembles more of a screeching owl or crazed cat in the bathtub, scrambling to get out, claws out for attack...

Chag said...

Comparing your daughter to Nick Nolte is beyond funny!

Mac and Cheese said...

I'm glad I came by this morning. I can't stop laughing, especially at that last pic.

Marla said...

Oh...I may be too late to chime in here, but two things:

1) Let the shampoos sit on the head for three to five minutes - give the soap time to encapsulate the oils and carry it away.

2) Vinegar rinse.


(I only play a stylist on blogs - but I do actually work in a salon a few weekends a month for fun money, so I know.)