Wednesday, August 1

back to life

back to reality...

and sometimes it sucks

Wanna know how to piss motherbumper off?

No? well too bad, stop reading now and move along.

So things to piss motherbumper off:

If you are my right breast, you'd piss me off by leaking like a sieve - forcing me to wear a bulky ol' nursing bra, complete with thick boob pads to stymie the mess (*edit to add: oh yes, in case you are wondering, I've weaned Bumper, not just spraying 'cos I can).

TMI? grossed out? yeah? well so am I.

If you are the weather, you'd piss me off by being so freakin' hot and ungodly humid that the caramel filled drumsticks I decided to buy at the grocery store - you know, because I'M WORTH IT (thanks for letting me know that, L'Oreal) - well those drumsticks melted on the way home and now I'm forced to eat them quickly. I can't really enjoy them because they are so damn soft, but they still include all the pertinent components.

OK - that one didn't piss me off that much but still - I like my drumsticks firm, just like a like my men.

Back to piss off list:

If you are my brain, you'd piss me off by getting the song "unskinny bop" stuck in my head.

And because I don't know the words, I'm forced to just sing the chorus over and over and over and over again.

I've never prayed so hard for a carload of obnoxious teenagers with over-cranked tunes (perhaps that silly Umbrella song) to cruise by the playground therefore sending Poison back to where it belongs - the 6th circle of purgatory and not my head.

Why the 6th circle? I will assume the reason I'm being forced to listen to shitty music is due to the fact that I was a wee bit gluttonous this past weekend.

Which leads me to...

If you are my emotions, you'd piss me off by making me think about the fantastic weekend I had. I'm an emotional wreck thinking about the people I want as neighbours, and the frantic/fantastic good times had - all while trying to beat the clock and trying to cram enough freakin' socializing in to feel satisfied.

Am I satisfied? Nope, I need more people, I NEED MORE BLOGHER!

Reality bites people, reality bites big time. I know I'm not alone on this folks.

wow momma, one more 90's reference
and I was going to have you committed for real

14 comments:

Redneck Mommy said...

We didn't get to spend a lot of time together at the conference but I wanted to say I really enjoyed meeting you and I look forward to meeting you again, when I storm Toronton and start knocking on all y'alls door.

metro mama said...

We need to have BlogHer Winnepeg.

It went far too fast, didn't it.

kgirl said...

Is bumper wearing an ab/cd shirt? because that doesn't count as a 90s reference.

Kyla said...

I have an almost finished post about the suckitude, too. I'd try and say something cheerful, but, meh, its my birthday and we can sulk if we want to, right? Let's eat some chocolate.

And, for like the 300th time, I miss you (and the rest of the crew for that matter).

"I like my drumsticks firm, just like a like my men." BEST LINE EVER. :)

motherbumper said...

kgirl - oh yes, it's the AB/CD shirt - her right said fred shirt was in the wash.

NotSoSage said...

Oh, Jesus, now that song is in my head. Thanks for nothing, motherbumper.

But I can forgive you, and wish you firmness in both men and drumsticks for this weekend.

nomotherearth said...

Forget BlogHer Winnipeg, we could at least have a MiniBlogHer GTA, couldn't we?? That would alleviate some of the sadness.

I know exactly how you're feeling (despite not being at BlogHer), because that is the way that I feel every time a play that I'm in closes. It sucks, man.

And so does the heat.

Mimi said...

Since when does um-ber-el-la have four syllables? That's what I want to know. And dammit, that song is in my head now. I'd rather have Poison, all things considered.

mothergoosemouse said...

Bumper looks adorable. Her expression is so "Woman, will you please cease and desist? I'm trying to watch the news."

Am I a bad mother if I say that I wasn't ready to go home?

kittenpie said...

Oh god no. I've had that freaking bumbershoot song in my head WAAAAY too much lately. (I can't bring myself to say it, quite frankly, at risk of it starting up again.)

I am, too, having this feeling of it just all being not quite enough time, even though I was wiped out by the end. Can't we just regroup every week or two in an unending version? WE really ought to import ourselves a few of our favourite americans. That blogger commune is sounding better by the minute.

Jezer said...

...unskinny bop, nothing more to say...da-duhn, da-duhn, da-duhn, da-duhn...

Thanks, thanks a lot.

I think the pissies are going around...I've been pretty crabby myself, and I really have no good reason.

Jenifer said...

OMG I think I liked that song, in like the sixth grade...

something blue said...

Since I love ya and all, here are some of the very deep and intellectual lyrics of the Unskinny Bop:

What's got you so jumpy?
Why cant you sit still, yeah?
Like gasoline you wanna pump me
And leave me when you get your fill, yeah

Every time I touch you honey you get hot
I want to make love you never stop
Come up for air you push me to the floor
Whats been going on in that head of yours.

Thanks to the all powerful google because with much appreciation I have erased this song from my head. Well except for that damn chorus.

Reality bites.

dana said...

The weaning is so darn hard. I remember the emotions (hormones?) that fluctuated and I felt guilty for wanting to stop and selfish for not wanting to stop. It was a mess.

Good luck to you during this time! -hugs-