Like you didn't already know I'm weird...

So about 50,000 years ago E of E and Me, a fellow good-looking gaming nerd (can I call you that E? Because I just did), tagged me for a meme. This meme has made the rounds so many times in the 'sphere that I'm sure that everyone has done it at least twice. And because I've been in my usual winter funk (more on that in another post) I didn't do it. I meant to but nothing happened because .... well just because I'm seasonally challenged.

I swear that all the posts that I have done since the end of November were pure chance because I'm prone to hibernating this time of year. Seriously, if I could bundle up Bumper and crawl into a cave to sleep for a few months, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even bring the Wii, that's how serious I am about doing nothing.

But I came here to meme not write about my sunless disposition... so on with the meme.

You want to know some weird things about moi? No? Well why are you doing reading this? Did I mention I'm more cranky at this time of year also? No? Well you probably could have guessed it.

Anyhow, here are Six Weird Things About MotherBumper:

(1) Any time I pick up a cup, mug or glass I have to check it for spiders. It doesn't matter if it is a self-serve wine station at a fancy 'do, pour your own soda pop at fast-food places or schlepping coffee in my own kitchen, I must check for spiders because twice (not once) I have found big hairy spiders in my mug before pouring a drink. And I hate spiders. I really fucking hate spiders.

I can never shake the feeling I had when finding one of those fuckers in my mug. So every time I go to the cupboard, I pick up the cup and quickly glance inside, ready to throw it across the room in a microsecond. Because you never know when one of those lil' shits will be hiding in there.

(2) I'm a compulsive route and task planner. I cannot get in the car or go out walking without knowing exactly where I am headed and how I am going to execute the task(s). I have a horrid time wandering aimlessly and shopping without purpose. Even if I'm just going to the grocery store, I must envision what route I am taking to get there, what aisles I'm going to visit and what order the food will go in my cart.

I am not paralysed or confused if I cannot do things they way I planned BUT I generally cannot get out the door unless I have reviewed this plan in my head. When joining a new course for Bumper, I try to visit and plan the route/routine before the start so I can be relaxed on route. Because we all know how stressful doing anything with toddlers can be and you can only imagine what it's like with that ol' neurosis of mine.

(3) I love to read books but unless a book was life-changing (for me, not Oprah) I rarely remember the plots or details. It's embarrassing but I've learned to live with it without looking too stupid. If someone asks me if I've read a particular book, I usually just say no because it's easier than trying to have a conversation about a book where the only thing I remember is if I have read and liked it. Most of the time I retain the details and plot for a few weeks and then poof! all details have been filed away in one of my brain's cabinets, never to be retrieved again. This weird thing actually pisses me off.

(4) I don't appear to be looking people directly in the eye when engaged in conversation. Meaning, when I'm talking to a person, I appear to not be looking into their eyes but instead over their shoulder. But I am looking into the persons eyes directly, yet because of a strange wall-eye thing that is barely detectable, I appear to be looking behind them.

I can't tell you how many times people have suddenly turned around to check what I'm staring at, to find nothing. I'm so used to it now, that I explain it as soon as I see that "what is she looking at?" look in their eyes. Years ago, I had a manager get pissed with me because he thought I was being rude by looking over his shoulder all the time. I explained why and he was very embarrassed that he had focused on my (one and only - ha!) physical "flaw". I milked that guilt as long as I could.

(5) When I find a food item I like, I crave and eat it all the time until I'm basically sick of it. I'm not sure why I do this and it drives my husband mad. Oh well, he didn't marry me for my food skills. Recently I've been on a spinach salad and Italian meatball craze. Mmmmm... meatballs and spinach... drool...

(6) I was a standardized patient. Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer acts out illnesses for med students with his friend Mickey? For years I was a "standardized patient" for a med school and a national physician college. I got paid good money to play sick and it was so much fun. It was also really hard work because I need to understand all aspects of my "illness" and symptoms (as not to lead the student astray) and also how to react if they performed treatment.

For instance, I once played a bad-habit diabetic who came to the ER with a laundry list of complaints. Depending on what treatment the student administered, I either slipped into a coma or instantly became coherent. I slipped into a coma too many times to be acceptable in my mind. I also found it flattering that I could play a pregnant teenager into my late twenties. Actually, I could write a huge post about some of my experiences doing this so I'll stop here. Suffice to say it was fun and great money.

So there you have it, some weird things about a freak like me. I'm not tagging anyone because I'm pretty darn sure everyone except for the the Prime Minister has done this meme. And who knows, maybe he has done it, I just don't read his blog.