Tuesday, November 7

Day seven: this week had seven stories

Do you collect anything?

I don't collect anything (except clutter, oh yeah - I collect A LOT of clutter) but ever since I can remember, I have received some things from well meaning relatives that has resulted in a collection. A massive collection of teddy bears.

Now I like teddy bears as much as the next person BUT I don't need 50,000 of them. So when I moved here a few years back, I dumped gave the entire gang to my mom. I hoped that she would donate them to a church rummage sale since I have a strange irrational emotional issue when it comes to stuffed toys. I think that they know I'm abandoning them and I just can't hack the guilt. So by giving them to my Mom, odds are they will end up in the church which in turn ups the odds that nice people will adopt take them home. BTW - I never said I was completely sane but if you hadn't figure it out by now - all signs seem to point to the contrary.

Anyhow, I have managed to keep the teddy bears at bay since living in Toronto with a few exceptions. The keepers aren't just any bears, these all have a little story which has compelled me to hold onto them. I'm such a sucker but check these bears out:

This is one from a more religious relative. It's a Saint Therese bear, complete with a wee Holy Bible. I can't diss a bear that has a saint's face embroidered on it's back.

This is my Nunavut bear. Since Canada established the new territory of Nunavut in 1999, I've wanted to go there. So I can't toss a bear that reminds me some of the best places to visit are right here in Canada.

This next bear was made from my Grandmother's fur coat. The coat was one of those ladies 1920's flapper style and came complete with a puff for keeping hands warm. The puff had a tail and head with glass eyes and my cats used to freak out whenever I took it out to tease them (which was often because it was hilarious to watch). So I could never part with this bear that my parents had made as a surprise Christmas gift - one for me, one for my sister and one for my Dad.

It's funny how collections sometimes find you instead of you selecting them. It's also funny how I just wrote a post on teddy bears. But if there are still any readers, I've included another story about collections for your gross out pleasure.

One time a really close friend of mine went on a date with a guy she met at the bar where she worked. Apparently they had a really good night, wonderful meal, interesting movie, drinks late into the evening and she ended up going up for coffee (wink, wink) after that. In anticipation of needing to be fresh, she used the facilities before getting it on. In the washroom she noticed there was no toilet paper so she did what anyone else would do, she opened up the cabinet beneath the sink in search of a new roll. In the cabinet she noticed, next to the TP, a large jar, kind of like a huge restaurant size mayo jar filled with something flakey, like rice. She stared at it for a minute, realized what it was and she actually - no shitting you - hoisted herself out the window, onto the fire escape and hightailed it outta there.

not actual photo - but you can really find anything when you google it

It was a jar of toenail clippings. Like 10 years worth of clippings. I must finish this story by saying that this guy actually had the wacko-confidence to show up at her work and ask what happened, so she did the right thing and told him. He quickly exited and never returned again.

I wish she had found out why he had them because I kinda want to know why.


kittenpie said...

Have I ever mentioned I have foot issues? and you post a PHOTO? Come on, now! How you gonna play me like dat?

ali said...

is that a joke??

something blue said...

Teddy bears-cute and cuddly. Toe clippings-not so much. I would jump out the window too!

Is that photo a jar of rubber bands? Enquiring minds wanna know.

Mother Bumper said...

It's not a joke but of course I could have been taken for a ride by my friend. But she's kept it up over the years and she had to involve other bar workers to make it work so I'm pretty sure it's true. It does sound very urban legend though, doesn't it?

Mad Hatter said...

That's hilarious! Freaky, creepy hilarious, but hilarious nonetheless. As for collecting, I don't collect anything per se but I am a misery when it comes to throwing things out. Everything has a sentimental attachmennt from teddy bears to old bicycles. I draw the line at toenail clippings and whiskers or any other former body part. Ewww. But then, I do want the keep a lock of my daughter's hair when she first gets it cut. That's different, right?

sunshine scribe said...

Oh. My. God. I was eating when I scrolled down and saw that photo. Thanks. Ewwwwwww

penelopeto said...

i'm not into toenail clippings or bears with religious fervour. (i know, i'm a sourpuss)

my m-i-l got a prayer bear (or was it a freaky lamb?) for bee that said the 'now i lay me down to sleep' thing when you pressed it, in the creepiest little kid's voice you've ever heard. it was banished pdq.

Bri said...

omg. that's all. and ewwww. Can you imagine if she slept with the guy first and then found the jar. Just gross.

ewe are here said...

I can't even imagine what would possess someone to start collecting their dead toenail clippings, let alone keeping it up for years.

Lisa b said...

damn you blogger deleting my comment
or was that a hint?
I love the fur coat turned teddy bear. what a great momento but the st therese? Creepy!
not as creepy as the "now I lay me down to sleep bear" though. K got one of those is disturbing.

tallgirl said...

I have major foot issues too. The toenail thing is super gross. My husband clips them over the bathtub. I only find them after I have gotten in for a long soak.

I am the opposite of a collector. I am a tosser, which you would think would make me tidy, but it doesn't.