Wednesday, November 8

Day eight: at least 25% less gross compared to yesterday



First I have to say I'm sorry if anyone had a ruined meal or God forbid a bad day from reading my last post but stuff happens and people do gross things that just begged to be blogged about. I promise that this next post isn't anywhere nearly as gross as the last one. I pinky swear.

Though I must warn that this post may be a bit whine-tinged I swear there is nothing disgusting involved. So with the post.

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I remember early on in Bumper's life there were days that I couldn't wait for the time that she would start reaching for me in the morning instead of laying there, helpless and dependent on me for everything. Now that those dreamed about days are here, I have come to realize that being granted an absolute joy when she reaches for me in the morning means I also must deal with her ability to want, reach and demand things besides me, her loving mom.

Motherhood just gets more and more physically and emotionally complicated every single day.

I'm no longer the first things she wants now. She wants her yogurt, she wants her snacks, she wants her water, toy, cat, books - you get the idea. I have to compete so hard for her attention these days I feel pushed aside and ignored. Yet I must be there (and I want to be there) all the time to make sure she is safe and happy. And to do stuff for her. I'm her sherpa and bitch. Sorry for the coarse language but it sums it up so well.

Seriously, this is the hardest job that I've ever taken on and I've had some brutal projects in my career but this one works me over (and over) on a daily basis. I used to be a hard, over-achieving kind of employee but now I'm aiming for something between bare-minimum-survival and mediocraty.

I'm not sure why it's getting to me lately but this is the way I feel right now. Next week could and probably will be easier and I will feel better. I'm not always like this but I really needed to talk about it, more so to get off my chest than seek a solution.

I do know one thing that I've learned in these first thirteen months of my latest career: I have got to stop dreaming about how tomorrow is going to be and start finding the joy in today. Yes, I know that sounds completely sappy and I hope I didn't make anyone gag.

I've found lately that in my posts I haven't been talking about the things I set out to express and record when creating Motherbumper. So I'm trying to find the posts that bump around in my head and that I'm too scared (chicken shit perhaps) and not daring enough to publish. Anyhow...

Back to finding motherhood exhausting and exasperating: I have to finish by saying I know that the rewards are high but sometimes it's so freakin' frustrating.

Mind you, those rewards are so freakin' great.

11 comments:

metro mama said...

This is something I very consciously work at, in all aspects of my life--carpe diem.

Sometimes it's easier said than done, isn't it?

MrsFortune said...

Oh sista woman, I am so right there with you. It's just this huge jumble of thoughts and experiences and horriblewonderfulness and etc. The rewards though ... they're a while in coming, in my brief experience. Unless you count eye gouging and strong man type hair pulling as "rewards."

crazymumma said...

And they say that these years are the easy ones. Enjoy. It does get easier, but in a way more challenging. I know of what I speak.

Bri said...

We must be on the same wavelength, I posted the same thing yesterday althought not as well put, I was in a rotten mood yesterday. I loved what you said about stop dreaming about how tomorrow is going to be and start finding the joy in today. That is 100% true. I find myself doing that all the time. It is a hard thing to do.

ali said...

oh i know all about being my kids' bitch. it doesn't end. my five-year-old still knows how to push my buttons and order me around...

penelopeto said...

holy, bumper is cute.

you speak the truth. there are days that i wish bee was still a tiny babe who stayed where i put her and had very clear, predictable needs. but of course, back then i was dreaming about her arms around my neck and what her little voice would sound like too, so...

kittenpie said...

oh yeah! Look forward on the bad days, revel in the good days is pretty much how it's going around here right now. Just wait until that first carefully enunciated, "I don't love you, mommy, only daddy." They kill you in so many ways. And then come the fierce hugs and sweet kisses and the day they tell you, with serious face, that the bear in the book is sad but his mommy will make him feel better. And it's all gorgeous again. (like Bumper, might I add!)

Lisa b said...

This is the hardest job I have ever had. My first day back at work this year my co-worker said to me "its like a vaction to come to work"
yep. but damn you love them like you never even knew you could.

Supercute Bumper shot.

bunmaster said...

My comment just got eaten. Basically, I've been feeling the same way, but this week has been better because I let myself relax and enjoy the day for what it is. I get nothing done, but hey, whatever.

Just give that adorable face a big smooch & enjoy the freakin' greatness.

something blue said...

"start finding the joy in today"

I really get that. Sometimes I get caught up in it all. Working hard at surviving the taxing moments and the daily routine that I don't relish in the sweetest moments.

Then all of a sudden they are not a baby anymore and I long for that. Is it a trick in my mind that gets me to procreate the world? How many babies would it take to make me officially insane? LOL (Some would say two!)

Katie said...

I found you through Amalah's advice column. This week has been a big struggle for me with the whole parenting thing (I have an 11 month old). Suddenly--and I mean suddenly--things are hard and a little crappy. And I feel so bad for saying that because we aren't supposed to admit things like that. So, I'm glad you wrote this. You are NOT alone!