Friday, June 23

Only 10? I could go on for days...

Mrs. Misfortune, the b-side of Mrs. Fortune who is one of the coolest new moms on the block (did she make up the word breastaurant? because I love it!), tagged me for a non-meme. This involved posting about ten things I do not like, in random order of how they occur to me. Only ten? I'm gonna give it a try and if I stick to ten I'll pat myself on the back. So without further ado:

Ten things I hate (in random order):
  1. Corporations. Since they fought so hard to have the exact same rights as me, then they should be able to go to jail for the multitude of crimes they commit. In lieu of going to jail they should be physically destroyed by being recycled, melted down and the sale of said scrap donated to charity. I know, I know, shame on me because I actually work for one of the biggest and guiltiest corporations known to man but I'm trying to bring them down from the inside-out. Not really but at least I know where their Achilles heel exists.

  2. Strangers who touch my baby. We all know what that's like so I don't need to describe why.
  3. Baby advice assvice from strangers. Oh lordy I could go on about this one for days but I won't because once again: you all know what I'm talking about.
  4. Acceleration of time that has happened since I've had my baby. WTF? Where did the last nine months go? I swear that the hours of the day have been butchered. The afternoons while waiting for hubby to get home drag out and then between the time he gets home and bedtime have been compacted. It's like being stuck in Groundhog day on meth.

  5. Pet hair. Two cats + uptight mommy = crying over the huge dust bunnies that gather daily around all furniture. If I catch Bumper putting another one in her mouth... oh who am I fooling? She probably eats more than I know about and she's still alive.
  6. Fed Ex. See both bullet #1 and this past post here.
  7. Ann Coulter. Do I have to go into detail on this one? She just makes me sick.
  8. George W. isms. I mean, how complicated is the saying "The tide has turned"?

  9. Stephen Harper. If he was put in power by the Bilderberg group then why wouldn't they pick someone less lizard-like?
  10. Fake butter on popcorn at the theatre.
Wow. Who knew I was so political? I certainly hope the CIA doesn't do random word searches of mommy blogs because I might get a talking to... what's that sweetie? There someone at the door? Who's truck is that? ACME Flower Delivery? Hmmmmmmm... why would a delivery man wear such dark sunglasses and a suit?

BTW - Mrs. Fortune: Motherbumper is my real name. It's an old family name passed down to the daughter who tortured their momma most in utero. I was two weeks late during the hottest summer on record. My mom phones me on my actual due date every year to remind me of how bad the weather was the year I was born. Serious. Or am I? BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA

EDITED TO ADD:
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Holy crap I'm clueless... I wrote this in kind of a hurry and in my excitement I realized I didn't tag anyone and what fun is that? So I tag: Jezer, BubandPie, and lil'debbie over at i obsess to tell me 10 things that they don't like. Cheers ladies! And I'd better not be on that list in the form of "I hate to be tagged for memes (even non-memes!)".

8 comments:

bubandpie said...

Cat hair is good for babies. Seriously. Children growing up in a home with two (furry) pets have a reduced risk of allergies and asthma - and it's not because they are admiring the pets in a glass case! So tell Bumper to eat away to her heart's content.

(This blog seems to be my go-to place for all the obscure studies I read about and file away for future reference. Sorry.)

Mrs. Chicky said...

Ah the pet hair. In my house we eat it, breath it, and dream pet hair. My poor child has a permanent hacking cough. And I hear you on the touching thing. Stay away from the baby and nobody gets hurt.

lildb said...

oh, dear god - the pet hair. I have spent too much time lamenting the sad state of our floors, because of all the damn hair. also, I'm guilty of contributing to the hair chaos, b/c of the shedding I did postpartum. yow. I can't believe how much hair I lost. it brought on the gag reflex a coupla times, it was so bad. I kid you not.

um, hello tangent!

thanks for tagging me, dolly! I, er, um, already did it, 'cause MelanieinOrygun tagged me, too, but I wonder if, since you tagged me, I get to do it again? what are the rules on this? hmmm.

xo and big, fat hug for you as you squeak through the yecchy land of no sleep again. I'm there, too, dude. it's balls, ain't it?

Jezer said...

Gosh, my 10 are going seem to kind of juvenile, I'm afraid. But, hey, it's a license to complain, so I'm definitely going to enjoy every minute!

mamatulip said...

I am so with you on numbers two, three, four and five. So. With. You.

kittenpie said...

oh god, the acceleration of time is freaking me out. I literally don't know where the last two months went. It's like a lay down for a nap and woke up Rip Van Winkle.

Mother Bumper said...

lit'db - Re: teething and restlessness: tonight to throw us for a loop, Bumper went to sleep an hour early and is still there in her crib by herself... I'm sure I'm going to be up at some ungodly early hour reading brown bear, brown bear because of this.
I think because I tagged you also, you can rant about as many as you want ;)

Jezer - can't wait to read yours! Not sure why I went so political - must stop reading the news and just stick to US Weekly.

Pet hair and sleep deprevation: momma's arch enemies.

bubandpie said...

Oh, hey - I just noticed that you tagged me! My first real tag - I'll get on it right away.