So I'm sitting in bed the other night nursing Bumper. She's been on this total sleep regression since the latest bout of teething started (does it ever end?) so I've been spending more time night nursing than usual lately. This is prime time for me to meditate or reflect on things I've read or heard over the day. I was reading a lot about mean girls on that particular day and it must have been eating away at me more than I thought.
I remember back in junior high there was this girl, Mel, who went to another school but we crossed paths often via social circles. She was good looking, athletic, quick as a whip when it came to insults and well liked. Or so it seemed. One day I heard a story about her. This very popular girl in my class, Gert, told us the story during one of those post-gym class locker room girltalk sessions. She told us all in hushed voice that Mel was caught doing nasty, naughty things with herself and it involved syringes of water and hot dogs (god I hope I don't have to spell it out for anyone...). It was like she was the only person in the world that ever touched themselves and she was N-A-S-T-Y. I remember giggling, blushing and then I took the first opportunity to tell the other girls that weren't present for the original storytime. I remember seeing her and laughing behind my hands. It was so gross. What a perv!
Now of course, in my wealth of maturity and knowledge, I realize this story was B to the freakin' S. Even if it was true, who cares? I challenge anyone to tell me they haven't masturbated because I'd call you a fibber. Gert probably had a selfish reason to knock Mel off her block and how could anyone escape that kind of rumour/gossip when they are 14? Mel disappeared from our social scene. I don't actually know what happened to her, but I heard that story often at parties during those pre-university years. She was guilty until proven innocent.
Of course I was guilty of spreading and feeding this garbage so it's no surprize to me that I also was subjected to the gossip that wasn't true. For years, rumours about how much of a slut I was cycled around town. I apparently was the town bike, pump or whatever you call it in your neck of the woods. These stories almost destroyed me and the mean girls (actually they were women of 20-odd years old) who started the rumours about me just lit a fire that got out of control (if that was the intention - kudos ladies - you did well for a few years at least).
So here I am, 10 years later and still smarts. Sure, I held my head high and always tried to keep that stiff upper lip. But it hurt so much at that time. I had one good friend that stuck by me but it stung hard. Sure I got a few opportunities to confront guys who claimed to have slept with me and they always shrank like violets but it's a hollow victory.
But this is what bothers me the most about it. I still read crap like US Weekly (I say it's entertainment but sometimes I just gotta know what the latest crap is) and I love reading Hello! If I'm sick and in bed, it's what I want to be reading. People, US Weekly, the Star whatever.
So am I just filling some need to gossip and destroy people's lives? People I don't know? AGHHHH? Does anyone else have these conflicts? I'm serious. I love reading all the crap but every so often it gets to me.. it really bothers me. And I think, how would I feel if that crap was written about me? OK. So I'm no Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston but still: how is it different?
I shudder at what my Bumper might face one day. How do I teach her to deal with this?
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On the lighter side: I have Pat Benatar's song We Belong stuck in my head. I keep walking with B in the stroller and I kinda start strutting with the song blaring in my head. Choir and everything. Weird. I didn't even really like her growing up, but she does have great pipes. So help me folks, stick another song in my head before I go insane. Thank you. That is all.
Mom, this is so embarrassing. Please, stop dancing in the grocery store!
12 comments:
Ah. The many ways that grade-school/high-school/whatever can scar us. I survived, but I am terrified for my daughter. I desperately desperately desperately wish to save her from any of those experiences. But I can't. And that, my friend, keeps me awake at night, too.
And, ditto on that Pat Benatar song. Which is now running on repeat in MY head.
The popular, mean girls circle that I grew up IN were only mean to each other. I still have issues and may need a therapist but time has a way of putting immaturity into perspective. As it turns out, we are a strong circle of women who have always been a tad competitive. Despite this I've come to realize that our friendship is built to last a lifetime.
I still despise gossip but have no problem with celebrity "news" because it is to be taken with a grain of salt. Plus they make millions to subject themselves to the public. As long as their lives are not put in jeopardy by the paparazzi, I'm sure they can handle the territory.
When I was 12, the boy who lived next door circulated a rumour that my best friend and I were caught (and I quote) "putting toothpaste on our vagina." I have absolute NO IDEA how this rumour came to be applied to us, but I have to assume that its origin lies in a tube of K-Y Jelly somewhere in his parents' bedroom. So boys can be mean too, now that I think about it.
I agree with Something Blue that celebrity gossip is in a bit of a different category - it may not always be fair, but at least there are compensations, to the tune of millions and millions of dollars (for that kind of money, I'd be willing to give the old toothpaste story its 15 minutes of fame in People magazine!).
Just wait until Bumper is old enough to listen to more kids' tunes - you'll be wishing for Pat Benatar!
Lately I've been checking out Classmates.com and looking at all the names of girls and guys I went to school with. Some are courageous enough to post recent pics. And let me tell you they are quite the funny pics. Is it childish of me to get some pleasure out of seeing the popular girls looking not so hot anymore???
All I know if Samantha endures what I did in high school, I'll be there by her side.
And now I got the song in my head too!
I'm just stuck on how one could masturbate with a syringe full of water and a hotdog.
because it sounds kind of hot. Where was mel when I was 15?
HBM and bri - sorry to get that song stuck in your head - curse me at will
Dutch - I bet every boy that heard that rumour thought it was hot too.
When I think about it now I can't believe how benign that story was but at the time it was so SCAN-DEEEE-LOUS! I mean come on, at least she was resourceful for props. I always have to order them online. I guess I should look harder around the house for entertainment hee hee hee...
Gossip and mean girls can be so toxic. It would have been better to have them break your leg - at least the bone would heal - this kind of stuff stays for a long time. I can understand why it would still sting. I wish there was a magical way to prepare our kids for it. If you find one - I'll pay whatever price you are selling it for.
And on a totally unrelated topic - I love the TFF too. Love it.
Thank god high school is over!
I'm sorry you can't make the shindig on the 30th. Next time.
I've wondered how Julia will deal with situations like this when she gets older, and what I will be able to offer or teach her about it. I basically avoided people/social circles that made me uncomfortable; that being said, there are bitchy, catty, rude people everywhere, and when they're in action, I always wonder if they're acting that way because they're jealous. You know?
First time visitor...I found you through Mrs. Fortune. I love your blog!
My guilty secret is that I watch Entertainment Tonight...and I have struggled with the same "am I still just in high school...listening to and contributing to the spread of malicious rumors?" And then I justify my Rumor-Watching by telling myself...it is JUST entertainment! Hmmm.
I had dinner with family a few months ago and a discussion started among the women gathered around the table. Whose side are you on? Jennifer or Angelina? And most everyone was pro-Jennifer. And I'm thinking to myself...we are all educated, professional women...dishing on Jennifer and Angelina? Have we nothing more important to be concerned with? WTF?!
I sat and listened for as long as I could stand it. But then, after a particularly judgmental statement from my self-proclaimed "non-judgmental" sister-in-law, I could remain silent no longer! She said something like, "How can anyone be attracted to a home-wrecker? Angelina is just vile." To which I replied, "you know, we have no idea what happened. None. And truth be told...I might leave MY husband for Angelina! And if I did...who would be the home-wrecker? Me? Or her? Either way, how does it concern you?"
That shut 'em up!
We never really leave those old wounds behind, do we? But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I really believe that.
And I pity the girl who messes with my daughter when she's a teenager. If I find out about it, heads will roll.
I was the one who no one ever spoke too or bothered to notice, I just went through school very much alone and I talked to no one and no one talked to me and no one cared..I always felt alone, felt normal after awhile, I still am alone much of the time, but I have my family now who loves me and I them. Thank god for them or else I think I would of checked out so long ago.
Not feeling sorry for myself, I guess I could of had it worse too, and many do too here. I just never knew what it was like to have a friend in High School or to go to a prom or go anywhere with anyone, but it was better than my abusive homelife too.
I do think I am lucky to have found my hubbuy and to share a wondeful child, whom I pray will never have my fate, I don't think she will but you never know, I do think most my problemw were my abusive homelife that came out with no visible social skills.
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