Anyway. The doctor said my little-cervix-that-could was 1cm non-effaced and as he helped me roll my unwieldy body off the examination table he commented that the baby was going to bake for at least another two weeks.
'I beg to differ doc, this belly of mine is dragging on the ground and my newly minted spidey-sense is telling me it's all systems go.'
'That baby hasn't dropped so don't expect anything for a couple of weeks.'
'If this baby drops any lower, it will be tying my shoe laces WHICH for the record I cannot tie on my own. Did you know I had to have my husband trim my toe nails the other night? I cannot reach my lower half doc, and this shit is insane. I can feel the baby knocking at my girly parts, it hurts and I fully expect an arm to shot out of my woo-ha at any moment. Please explain to me how our species survived because I cannot believe this is how we propagate as humans. I can barely put my legs together and I'm like a slow moving target, HELL I AM a slow moving target. Sabre tooth tigers would have me at snack time. I can't even run for potato chips dammit. So yeah doc, this baby cannot drop any lower, TRUST ME.'
'Who has the medical degree in this room? I know babies.'
'I've never actually seen your medical degree doc, or should I say 'sir'?.'
*sigh* 'Get dressed and I'll see you in my office to go over your birth plan again.'
Like a really messy Charlie Horse at 5am, five years ago today -- October 6th, 2005 -- my body woke me up a split second before my water broke. A smile spread across my face as I muttered a 'told you so' to the doctor who wasn't there.
In just over 24 hours we were going to become parents.
|Ignorance Is Total Bliss. Check Out Those Cankles.|