First up: good brakes and baby wipes. I saw more vomit this weekend than anyone should have to in a seventy-two hour period. Unfortunately, most of it was from me.
Saturday we went to a big shingding and just as we sat for dinner, the sudden realization that I was going to lose it all over Great Aunt Siobian and the centre piece came to a head.
Thankfully it didn't really come to my head but oh my holy, as soon as I made my way to the ladies I was throwing up like a frat boy during his first kegger.
After cleaning myself up with some baby wipes, I proceeded to grab my well lubricated husband and make a beeline for the parking lot where I added to the composting of the beautiful gardens with my insides. FUN TIMES.
Hey, did you know when wearing a "foundation garment" that puking hurts? You do now. I was begging my husband to cut me out of my clothing while driving -- which in normal circumstances sounds sexy but when I'm hurling and hurtling down the highway, not so much.
Anyhow, I recovered just in time for turkey and then proceeded to put my feet up with my mom-in-law and sister in-law to watch some reality television: Battle of the Blades.
Oh you wonderful Americans, deprived of great Canadian reality television programming. Where else can you find former NHL players paired up with the ladies of figuring skating to have their butts kicked in uncomfortably tight pants? Only in Canada eh? Pity:
You know, I just realized that Canadian reality television seems to focus on putting men off kilter. Maybe we are on to something. First there was that "The Week The Women Went" when all the women of a small town take off and leave the men to struggle on their own, now they are f**king up the NHL players with toe picks. Hmmmm... I think this will require further examination.
Anyhow, yes that was my weekend. For the record, I wasn't the only one to puke. My daughter decided that getting car sick while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic would make her just like mom. That's my girl.
So my Thanksgiving was a battle of the barf, bulge, and blades. I really need to find better post topics. Or stop barfing. And bulging. Or both. Or all of the above.
Yup: all of the above.