Friday, January 23
Friday's Lesson: do what I say, not what I do
Have I ever mentioned that Willy Wonka is one of my favourite movies in the history of movies I adore? And that I didn't really mind the remake because I could watch Johnny Depp read me a third notice for an unpaid bill and I'd sit on the edge of my seat, drooling and praising how he delivered each line. Blinded by the Depp, revved up like a douche in the middle of a blight, Blinded by the Depp...
But yes, my offspring = oompaloompa and I love oompaloompas, I just don't want to raise one. Because that.... well that would be creepy.
So "How, did this happen?" you ask.
You see, I do my best to be a SAHM/WAHM (thank you ma'am). Each day I try to sneak learning into her day - usually through our afternoon craft sessions. Now I prefer a craft that takes multiple sessions to build, like December's paper mache volcano, or our current project - a drum set made from recyclables. Gigi loves glue, paint, hodge-podge, and all things crafty so I take advantage of these time-suckers and try to incorporate a little sneaky science into the mix because I'm her mom, yo.
Now before you think I'm all Martha Stewart on crack, I'm not. I'm just on crack, coffee being my crack. I bet if you tapped my veins, all that would come out is pure Colombian gold - not snow because I'm poor yo.
How many times can I work "yo" into this post? Not sure but I'll die trying...
ANYHOW... yes, I sneak science into my child's day (yo) and yesterday we were waiting for the drums to dry so I thought we'd do some colour mixing (yo) - since that's what they were doing at school. Reinforcement dudes, just isn't for the army anymore.
So I collected some pie plates, water, and (cue sinister dun dun dun DUH music) food colouring for our experiment.
Basically the story ends there because I don't need to tell you what happened. Oh but I will because I'm all about closure.
We sat at the table, mixing water with food colouring, then mixing the water together to make orange! green! yucky brown! It was fun and it covered a whole whack of reinforcement skills sh*t - if you are into that kind of thing (yo). She was pouring without spilling, she was identifiying her colours, and making new ones - hell, it was a nobel prize winning exercise in nursery school science. It was freakin' fun.
Then I had to pee. I know, I know, TMI but I need to explain why I had to leave the room so suddenly.
So yes, I got up, ran out of the room and was gone for probably, I dunno, ninty seconds. And in that time, Gigi removed all the tops off the food dye, mixed them in one pie plate, then proceeded to paint her entire torso, arms and hands a colour that bordered on black. The end.
I came out to find my daughter, who now looked like the cutest little aubergine ever, standing at the table.
Oompa Oompa Oompa da boo, I have some colours to share with you,
Oompa Oompa Oompa da bee, I'd like to smear some on my mommy
Consider this a warning: pack up all crafting supplies before leaving child unattended, but you all probably already knew that.
Several scrubbings and soapings later, and she is now a mighty fine shade of orangish-pink. Heaven help me folks, three is kicking my butt.