Thursday, October 16

why(ne)

Mah poor brains are leaking out of my ears.

The whine, THE WHINE, the g*# d@*m endless whining ........ why oh why does everything - every solitary thing in life - have be requested or announced with a whine? Even requests for snacks drip in whine, followed by surly manners, tacked on as if I'm an evil Emily Post with a cattle prod that zaps her each at every turn. Truth be known, I only zap her every second turn.

This girl is going to owe me big time, I'm going broke trying to keep myself in whiskey crazy trying to find coping mechanisms that are legal.

Seriously, do other cultures have this issue? Is there some tribe in the Australian Outback where some mom is currently ripping out her hair and screaming "I'm leaving you for the dingos RIGHT NOW". Why is something like whining innate? WHY WOULD NATURE PUNISH PARENTS LIKE THIS? How is whining required for survival?

I want to contact some Amungme parents or some of those Uncontacted Indians in Peru to ask "so does your kid whine so hard you want to suck on the blow darts instead of blowing?" I need to get a government grant to do some research.

Now usually I'd tell you some heart-warming, pee-your-pants-just-a-little-bit story about some recenting whining episode right about here in my post, but today I'm just going to scream "take your pick - any story from the past twenty-four hours will do - THE WHINE FLOWS FREELY IN CASA BUMP".

And just for effect, I'd burst into tears and while you were foraging for a tissue, I'd run away, leaving you to take care of my child.

See, if I was a sh*tty mom, I would have left without deeking you out.

hey mom, so is this one of those ironic posts?

30 comments:

Kyla said...

Josh sounded JUST like this when I got home from school the other night. And then, being the sympathetic and kind wife that I am, I said, "Oh, so their whininess is contagious then, eh?" and raised an eyebrow at him. HA! It was quite funny.

But for you, I'll stroke your head and say "There, there, MB." and then send you cash for booze. LOL.

Mac and Cheese said...

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED!

Backpacking Dad said...

I'm buying earmuffs.

In California.

Laura said...

Yesterday at the park, my daughter whined for water. I had none. There was no water fountain. And she kept whining. and whining. and whining. I finally yelled, "Mother fucker! I have no water!"

If you find a cure, please tell me.

Shannon said...

Dude. I'm soooo with you.

ALI said...

I have so been there, and often am there at least a few times a week, it has gotten better, except for when he is tired, wants me to get him something, doesn't want to share his toys with his brother, misses his nap the previous day, is hungry...wait maybe it isnt' better, maybe i'm just used to it?

no really it does get better.

hoppytoddle@gmail.com said...

DOOOD!!

My DD is 3.4 years. When she whines, I put a super perplexed look on my face & with super-serious voice say: "I can't understand what you're saying. Maybe if you used your nice voice I could?" Yes, sometimes she just keeps right on whining, & eventually whips herself into a tizzy. But that's a satisfying tizzy for me, 'cuz I'm all super-zen serenity mama saying, "Oh my goodness, I wish you could have found your nice voice so I understood what is wrong!"

It does take an iron will at first, but once you pull it off it is almost as good as Jim Beam & Diet Barq's.

toyfoto said...

Do other cultures have this issue?

My guess is if they have Calliou and Elmo they have this problem.

*sigh*

I feel your pain.

petite gourmand said...

oh yeah...what is it with the constant whining?
argh!
drives me in-sane.

Heather said...

I think I've knocked part of my brain loose from banging my head on the wall in an attempt to drown out the whining. FYI? Doesn't work.

ewe are here said...

It drives me insane.

I actually called my husband at work this morning and told him I was selling the kids because I could no longer take the whining.

He asked me how much I thought we could get for them... heh heh

Tracey said...

Um, HAI, I do believe you are writing my post for me. Thanks much.

I'm just glad my sinus headache has subsided so I can deal with just the whining headache...

Lisa b said...

ah yeah.
let me know what the research turns up.
I'll move ANYWHERE to get away from this.

Mary G said...

Yeah. Me too. In fact, I ended up writing a post about this, so I will leave you the link and not co-opt your comments.
http://themsmysentiments.blogspot.com/2008/10/few-bricks-short-of-load.html
But be assured you do not have to go and read it.

for a different kind of girl said...

Here's me and my six-year-old:

Him: Whine, whine, saying something I can't understand because it's baby talk. Whine.

Me: I can't understand you when you talk like a baby. Please speak normally.

Him: Thrashing to the ground, whining, "I AM NOT A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", more whining.

Me: Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

It's my wish that this scenario gives you hope.

:)

Vodka Mom said...

Hey. I live in Whine Country. And I've lived there for the past 19 year!!!!!!! Yeah. THAT'S why I drink vodka. (I love that damn picture. She's so cu te. )

Shannon said...

Its comforting to hear that it doesnt last forever and that I am not alone. Sometimes I feel like I have done something very wrong somewhere in the parenting to have it be this way. Lately, when I get upset because of the whining, my darling 3.10 year old (almost 4 that is) looks at me and asks me if I am mad at her. If I say yes she starts to cry. @#%$#Z$$==@@@!!!!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

well you know how i feel about three year olds.

and personally, i prefer gin to whiskey. but whatever works right?

Ernesta said...

With my daughter my response to whining is "Aicheemamma! Is that whinning I hear? Because we all know what happens when someone around here whines! Right? Right!". (toys taken away, child put time out, no internet for a week, etc etc etc). Sometimes it works!!

kittenpie said...

I'm with hoppytoddle up there. We pretty much beat it by claiming not to be able to hear whiney voices. It netted her nothing, so she cut it out after a while. Not an imediate fix, but it worked around here, anyhow. Not that the Whine never reappears, but it doesn't last long, at least.

No Mother Earth said...

I'm sorry -- are you perchance looking after MY kid these days??

Actually, he's recently moved on from the whining to a (of course much more pleasant) screaming of "NO! I WON'T do xxxxx" and then making a face at me and running away.

Oh yeah, and it's my response to this behaviour that makes me a Really Good Parent.

Whit said...

It. Never. Stops.

Mimi said...

number one thing said at my house lately? "mommy does not understand your whiny voice. please use your polite voice."

number two thing said at my house? "that's it: we're leaving you on the portch for the wild dogs."

gah.

Porsche said...

I really thought I was the only one who wondered if parents in other cultures had this problem. Like I need to start from scratch and do whatever they do.

the mama bird diaries said...

You said it. The whine makes me nuts.

SciFi Dad said...

Sadly, all I can contribute is that the whining seems to increase exponentially in proximity to a new baby's presence. That, and inversely proportional to the silence level of the newborn.

Anissa Mayhew said...

Can I just give you hope because I would guess (based on my own kids) that the whining tapers off around six but the intensity raises with the addition of children...so by the third kid the sound of their voice makes you want to gnaw off your own ears.

But it does get better. Then they start asking questions about their vag*nas so it only gets better and better.

sam {temptingmama} said...

Oh yes my friend. I know what you're talking about. I HATE it with the passion of 1000 suns. HATE.

I want to shove screwdrivers in my ears and pop my eardrums the pain would be just about the same...

Mandy said...

I hear you on the whining. Where do they pick it up from? And do you have any poison darts I can inhale?

You'd almost think David and I whined at each other all day given Nate's predeliction (sp?) for "Moooooooom. I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaanna (insert any word). I waaaaaaaaaaaaanna (insert any other word)."

Ryan Ulysses Marshall said...

Ahhhh! A good solid honest get it off your chest post. How nice to read. The 4yr old does not speak yet so we have not endured the pains you all are suffering. We have for the most part a quiet house. He however, will do other things to show he really really wants something, so his own version of whining. The only way he can really beg for things he wants is to either aggressively hang on us, or to use sign language in hysterical ways, or he does this little blow out thing with his bottom lip where he sounds like a cross between a buzzing bee and a motor boat.

But for us any communication is a good thing, so he gets a free pass.

Love your blog!!! Been laughing all morning.