So last night I made a lame attempt at picking up in the living room before going to bed. Picking up is a battle that never ends when mayhem rules. It's like a toy bomb exploded in the living room with a follow-up assault of paper shredding scuds. Add in some cat hair land mines and basically I give up on trying to combat Operation Schlep and Fall (commanded by Warlord Gigi).
Anyhow, my lame attempt at cleaning up, included the rounding up of remotes. If the remotes aren't corraled and accounted for, they disappeared into the landscape never to be seen again.
Seriously, if the remotes go missing in this household, life becomes unbearable difficult. Oh yes, we are that lazy.
IN FACT, one of remotes we have is so small and important, that if it was lost, I'd probably move out and leave the family to fend for itself.
The small super important remote belongs to the HD switcher box, which can only be operated by remote and since this remote is so very important the manufacturers decided it should be teeny tiny and easy to loose. Manufacturers obviously (a) are really, really smart and (b) don't have kids.
Now I don't know about your kids, but when our kid see something small and tiny, especially something that mommy or daddy carries around and treats like an important member of the family (like say, a grandmother or a remote control), well she assumes that the smallest version of something must belong to her. So this teeny tiny HD switcher remote - in her head - belongs to her.
OMG - is motherbumper bitching about the remote to her HD switcher box? Doesn't she know that there are kids out there who don't have HD and suffer with the normal digital cable, or - gulp - regular cable, never to see the depths of Andy Rooney's ear hair and luscious eyebrows, or every detail of Survivor contestants pubic regions (thankfully blurred out the majority of the time - hey CBS, thanks for offering Survivor in HD this year! All you need is smell-o-vision and it's just like being there).
For the record, I'm fully aware that HD hasn't be legislated as mandatory (yet) and we don't watch 60 minutes in this house but I always imaged that watching Andy Rooney in HD would involve a lot of staring at his eyebrows as they try to reach around and jump in his ears. Not that I spend a lot of time imaging Andy Rooney and his eyebrow / ear hair combination.
Damn straight Andy - where the hell was I?
Right - my kid thinks she owns the teeny tiny remote and F**K. I can't remember where this story was going. Damn you Andy Rooney ear hair and eyebrows - damn you all to hell.
Somehow this story was going to be about how I haven't been able to write a coherent much less, non-depressing post in weeks. So yesterday I was bitching about this to my friend Kyla who slapped me a la Cher and said "snap out of it - publish something already" or maybe it was something constructive like "hey, I bet publishing some of those depressing drafts will be cathartic" - whatever it was, she definetely slapped me really hard and said something along the lines of "JUST PUBLISH SOMETHING WOULD YA".
I combed through my drafted posts and none of them - seriously NONE OF THEM - were even in English. I'm more talented than I thought. And more well rounded too.
So I've decided to run with this bit of nonsense and take an unscientific poll: Is anyone else finding the mood of the blogosphere slightly off, slightly down, and perhaps a bit bloated? Is it the looming elections? The sad state and horrid rejuvination of Knight Rider and how Val Kilmer will obviously do anything to keep himself in cheetos? WHAT is up? Or is it just me?
You're probably right sweet voices in my head - it's just me. Back to under the rock to clutch my remotes.