Thursday, October 2

remotely makes sense

So last night I made a lame attempt at picking up in the living room before going to bed. Picking up is a battle that never ends when mayhem rules. It's like a toy bomb exploded in the living room with a follow-up assault of paper shredding scuds. Add in some cat hair land mines and basically I give up on trying to combat Operation Schlep and Fall (commanded by Warlord Gigi).

Anyhow, my lame attempt at cleaning up, included the rounding up of remotes. If the remotes aren't corraled and accounted for, they disappeared into the landscape never to be seen again.

Seriously, if the remotes go missing in this household, life becomes unbearable difficult. Oh yes, we are that lazy.

IN FACT, one of remotes we have is so small and important, that if it was lost, I'd probably move out and leave the family to fend for itself.

The small super important remote belongs to the HD switcher box, which can only be operated by remote and since this remote is so very important the manufacturers decided it should be teeny tiny and easy to loose. Manufacturers obviously (a) are really, really smart and (b) don't have kids.

Now I don't know about your kids, but when our kid see something small and tiny, especially something that mommy or daddy carries around and treats like an important member of the family (like say, a grandmother or a remote control), well she assumes that the smallest version of something must belong to her. So this teeny tiny HD switcher remote - in her head - belongs to her.

OMG - is motherbumper bitching about the remote to her HD switcher box? Doesn't she know that there are kids out there who don't have HD and suffer with the normal digital cable, or - gulp - regular cable, never to see the depths of Andy Rooney's ear hair and luscious eyebrows, or every detail of Survivor contestants pubic regions (thankfully blurred out the majority of the time - hey CBS, thanks for offering Survivor in HD this year! All you need is smell-o-vision and it's just like being there).

For the record, I'm fully aware that HD hasn't be legislated as mandatory (yet) and we don't watch 60 minutes in this house but I always imaged that watching Andy Rooney in HD would involve a lot of staring at his eyebrows as they try to reach around and jump in his ears. Not that I spend a lot of time imaging Andy Rooney and his eyebrow / ear hair combination.

what the hell is this woman talking about?

Damn straight Andy - where the hell was I?

Right - my kid thinks she owns the teeny tiny remote and F**K. I can't remember where this story was going. Damn you Andy Rooney ear hair and eyebrows - damn you all to hell.

Somehow this story was going to be about how I haven't been able to write a coherent much less, non-depressing post in weeks. So yesterday I was bitching about this to my friend Kyla who slapped me a la Cher and said "snap out of it - publish something already" or maybe it was something constructive like "hey, I bet publishing some of those depressing drafts will be cathartic" - whatever it was, she definetely slapped me really hard and said something along the lines of "JUST PUBLISH SOMETHING WOULD YA".
I combed through my drafted posts and none of them - seriously NONE OF THEM - were even in English. I'm more talented than I thought. And more well rounded too.

So I've decided to run with this bit of nonsense and take an unscientific poll: Is anyone else finding the mood of the blogosphere slightly off, slightly down, and perhaps a bit bloated? Is it the looming elections? The sad state and horrid rejuvination of Knight Rider and how Val Kilmer will obviously do anything to keep himself in cheetos? WHAT is up? Or is it just me?

You're probably right sweet voices in my head - it's just me. Back to under the rock to clutch my remotes.


Amelia Sprout said...

Oh no, it isn't you. It is the election, the looming holidays that we will all be doing with less money, the cost of gas, the change of the seasons, the unemployed husbands of bloggers, the teething toddlers....

It's been rough lately, no getting around it. However, I think talking about it may help? Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

Kat said...

I have felt a funk in the blogosphere for a while now. I think most of us American bloggers are just mad as hell at the state of things and we are letting it be known. Then the rest of the bloggers are reading out discontent and feeding off of it making for a funk-ti-fied blogosphere. Or something like that...

Heather said...

First of all (and, let's face it, most importantly) we do not have cable or HD at our house. We have !gasp! an antenna. That's really roughing it through life isn't it?

I'll admit I don't read most of the political posts. I'm depressed enough about things.

Kyla said...

I just keep thinking, "Damn. I used to think Val Kilmer was HOT!" Now he's the voice of a car? This is not right.

The blogosphere IS feeling a bit funky. Seems like a lot of people are up against some tough shit lately.

And I'll bitch slap you ANYTIME, because that's the kind of friend I am. ;)

daysgoby said...

Dude! Last Christmas I took the kids to go through a Christmas House (man who loves Christmas with decorations galore and opens his house for tours) and he had THE BEST THING EVER - a strip of velcro mounted on the wall behind his couch, and his remotes stuck on them.

Smart, those Christmas freaks.

Her Bad Mother said...

As I said to you yesterday - it's the season for malaise. Skies are gray, economy's tanked, everybody is LOW.

And now you can't find your remote? Time to start drinking.

Ms Blue said...

I am bloated and I have this one eyebrow hair that resembles Andy Rooney's. I can only image that time will not be my friend to my eyebrows.

April said...

so with you on the state of the blogosphere :-/

i think it's a bit of everything... elections, impending holiday bills, school's back in session, etc. etc.

Mac and Cheese said...

Heather and her antenna are bringing me down.

Yeah, I've noticed that things are at a low. I'm fully expecting everyone to quit soon and leave me here talking to myself.

Ali said...

two words:

Harmony. remote.

will SAVE your life, i swear.

Laurels word said...

I agree, there seems to be a trepidation looming in the air. I for one am going to sit back and watch the debates tonight. I think it should be rather entertaing. I'll take a drink for everytime Sarah says "I'll get back atcha on that one, ok?". Ugh

Laura said...

It's the new season, Back to school. Trips to the dentist. Too many bills. Prime time TV back (thank God for THAT) Lost remotes. Lost minds. We are all losing it. Even Heather Locklear.

I think it's all Heather's fault. Everything. Let's blame her.

iMommy said...

Ali has a point - one of those super-remotes that controls all the other remote stuff are awesome. We have one. It's nice to only look for one remote. True, it was $80, but turns out it's worth it.

Anyway, the mood IS off. Or at least, my mood is off. I'm having trouble writing anything that isn't bitchy and generally depressing.

I vote we all get it out of our systems, no guilt, and then go back to puppies and rainbows.. k?

Stimey said...

Yeah, shit's depressing 'round these internet parts lately. I've been doing my fair share of the Stimey equivalent of blogging about remotes and Andy Rooney. Blerg.

No Mother Earth said...

I'm with Ali, but my two words are "UNIVERSAL REMOTE". Seriously. I laughed at Mr Earth and his Crazy TV Gadgets, and it's the best thing ever. (I could title a post about it "How $100 Changed My Life". Yes, I'm still a nerd.)

The feeling I get around the blogosphere is that people aren't really into blogging right now.

Lisa b said...

I don't know what the hell you are talking about but JEEBUS if I lost the remote for my PVR I would lose my mind and am all stressed out now just thinking about your teeny tiny remote.

Chag said...

We lost the remote for the TiVo for twenty-six hours and five minutes once. It felt like weeks.

mamatulip said...

Yeah. I'm feeling particularly funky myself.

And all hell breaks loose when we lose a remote around here. I have a special flask earmarked just for the days when the remote goes missing.

Mayberry said...

For me it's election + overwhelmed with work.

I do not have a single post in draft. I am totally a paycheck to paycheck blogger. (If I got paid which I don't so that metaphor is ... inapt.)

kittenpie said...

We have electronics that don't do certain things without the remote eiher. That is just stupid design.

And yes, I think so, too. It's the end of summer, days are shorter, weather has been rainy, hurricanes everywhere, politics weird in both countries, people getting the season's first viruses, babies making their mamas crazy, it's all just too damn much. `

sam {temptingmama} said...

I'm in a funk too.

And I wish my remotes would get lost sometimes... then I wouldn't have to endure the Knight Rider remake which Mike is IN LOVE with!


Assertagirl said...

It's totally not just you...I peek in on Twitter every once in awhile and then run screaming because OMG it's TOO MUCH.

We noticed Survivor looks better this year, and we don't even have HD. The quality is a lot higher.

Also, have you seen Dana Carvey's latest stand-up routine? It features a whole monologue about Andy Rooney's eyebrows. Hilarious.

jen said...

OMG. you totally should have come to cali.

the mama bird diaries said...

I'm still thinking about Andy Rooney's eyebrows. In HD.


Anonymous said...


You need some laughter my dear... and I know a good place to have a little "make your blues go away"