Tuesday, July 8

Henry: Portrait of an Emu

When I was a kid, a sure sign of summer was the appearance of sunscreen in the bathroom cupboard. Of course back in those days it was SPF 2 or 4 (no joke) and it was greasy like coconut oil but it was better than nothing. And my mom was hardcore, so she would find some 6 or unheard of 8 to slather on her tan-challenged offspring and we only burned 50% of the time. Ah the curse of British blood. Don't even get me started on my addiction to fried food or need to break for tea mid-afternoon.

Anyhow, my mom would be a fixture on the deck, laying stomach down on her chaise lounge and demanding that any poor soul member of the family who walked by, to apply sunscreen on her back. You know, so she wouldn't get that that tan she was trying to achieve (this is something I never understood nor do I think I ever will).

Now I'm not sure exactly which one of us did this but I'm sure there was some high-fives all around after the perfectly executed prank, but one day someone got fed up with playing cabana boy.

Someone drew a happy face on mom's back in sunscreen. A nice big happy face that her favourite yellow sundress framed just every so perfectly. I do believe after said incident, the job of sunscreen application may have been a bit more closely supervised.

Fun times.
It's early in the AM and it's already a zillion degrees outside. This is the weather I dread. The hot sticky stuck inside kind of weather - with a child who is turning more and more into a wild badger by the minute. Must find cool wide open spaces STAT. Antarctica is looking very delicious right now.

Why do I always wish it was summertime and then once it arrives all I do is complain about the sun and the UNBELIEVABLE heat? Also this shaving everyday thing is really rubbing me the wrong way. So much responsibility. Dang I wish I was a penguin.

But not an emu. We had a staring contest with one of those birds this weekend and if you ever want to know what it's like to look straight into the face of crazy, this bird will provide the moment. Holy heck these birds look INSANE. And did you know there is a row of tiny razor teeth-like things on it's beak. Yah, birds with teeth - now that's not normal. And the hook on the end of the beak - now if that doesn't scream serial killer bird, nothing does.

Now I must go fold my child and myself up into the freezer so we can live to see dinner time. Ciao!


for a different kind of girl said...

I am a freak about the SPF. Mine's like SPF You're Not Even Going To See The Sun Today, So Chill Out Why Don't Ya. I'm ethereal, I'm so pale.

And hot. Cripes, I'm hot! 9 a.m. - 90 degrees. I don't have enough creative ideas in my head to endure the whole 'entertain the kids for hours' business that comes with oppressive heat and motherhood!

Kyla said...

I hate summer. A LOT.

Emus ARE crazy. Totally.

kittenpie said...

I was actually thiking just the other day about how sunscreen used to be spf 4 Bain de Soleil, maybe 8 if you looked hard, and then by the time I hit ten or twelve, you could go up as high as 15! Yeah. No wonder I'm all wrinkly and spotted. Given that now I wear an everyday 30 on my face, and Pumpkinpie gets 45 on her face plus a hat and 55 on her arms and legs.

Bloody hell, it's hot today, but I am holding out hope that they are right about the weather and tomorrwo should be lovely after the storm sweeps out the heat. Please? At least I'm at work with the AC today. Phew.

And you are quite right about that emu. Ca-raaaay-zee!

Mandy said...

As a blonde (used to be), blue-eyed child, I was a burner. I remember at pool parties getting a nice lobster by the end of the day. Ouch.

Now, I favour the SPF 30 to 45 range. Okay, so my legs glow in the dark. That's a good thing I guess!

Assertagirl said...

You should come on back here and we'll go to the zoo to see some more crazed birds. I'll make sure you go home with more petting zoo feed in your pockets and purse.

Jezer said...

Oh my goodness yes! When SPF 8 was the super-high-powered stuff! And then, they got all crazy and invented something like 15.

Who would have thought that I'd be so addicted to my Helioplex 85 (EIGHTY-FIVE, my Lord).

Also, now I have the Wiggles' Emu song stuck in my head.

Rock and Roll Mama said...

I always foolishly think my 1/118978 drop of Cherokee blood will protect me from Sunburn, but it never ever does. I got fried on a recent trip to Hershey Park- just that one circle on your back that can never be reached, you know the one. I felt it sizzling, but by then it was far too late.

That emu? Psychotic. I think I'll have nightmares about emu serial killers now.

Mayberry said...

85? Jezer! I need to go shopping.

kgirl said...

hey, make room in the freezer for me. i was just saying to chris that outdoor summer prep isn't really the break from outdoor winter prep i was hoping for. sure, there are no boots or mitts to wrestle with, but the sunscreen, hat, more sunscreen and freaking out when not in shadow is just as tiring.

nomotherearth said...

I just bought SPF 45 - does that make me hardcore??

I CAMPED a few feet away from an EMU farm while I was doing a Restoration theatre workshop in BC. I know crazy. (Of course, I knew crazy LONG before that..)

mothergoosemouse said...

Yep, I remember the days of Coppertone SPF 2 and 4. Like don't even bother lying in the sun if you're going to wear anything higher than that.

Emus are crazy, but cassowaries are f#$%ing mean.

Always Home and Uncool said...

"Also this shaving everyday thing is really rubbing me the wrong way."

That means such a different thing to you than me. I'm sorry. Classic.

And on the SPF front, now that we all use 110+, most of us now have a vitamin D deficiency. This is why we are all depressed, developing Alzheimers and fascinated by the Spears family. You can look it up.

Heather said...

I remember it used to be called tanning oil and tanning lotion. I just used it because it smelled good.

Tracey said...

Hee! A smiley face. Classic.

Major Bedhead said...

My mother used to use tanning butter. Me? I was a Hawaiian Tropic #2 girl, back when I used to not burn. And used to love summer. Now, not so much.

Chag said...

I don't burn. I'm probably going to pay for that when I'm older or maybe I already am and don't realize it.

Emus are much scarier when they're sticking their heads inside your car window.

I am eagerly awaiting Fall, too. Is there some God we can pray to to speed up the process?

Lady M said...

Have you ever been to the San Diego Wild Animal Park? They used to have this bird show where their feathered stars would perform all sorts of cool tricks. Then there was Max the Emu. He could walk from one trainer to the other, eat a treat, and walk back to the first trainer, eat a treat, and walk to the second trainer, and so on. They explained that they'd had Max for five years and this was all they could train him to do.

As he got older, he would occasionally get lost in the ten feet between trainers.

Whit said...

Emu: Looks like crazy, tastes like chicken.

iMommy said...

Sweet emu!

Just thought I'd take the time to say that I've been reading your blog for a bit now, and that I really enjoy it :-)

Though now that I think on it, it's entirely possible that I've commented before, making this comment somewhat redundant.

Story of my life!