Monday Morning Inspirational #95184

Take a picture shiny boy, it lasts longer...
or are you looking for some fine prison luvin'?
oh and one comment about me wearing mom pants
and I'll crush your windpipe before you can say "nice mo...".

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Just like me.

NOT.

Anyhow, it was a rather non-eventful weekend at Casa Bump. That is a good thing.

Mind you, Bumper is in a totally out-of-control defiant mood which is difficult to deal with but I can't really complain. If she was acting all angelic, I'd be counting the silver wear and double checking the knife drawer. But seriously, she is a bit out of control in a hyper way.

Usually this signifies a learning obstacle is nearing the "overcome" status and that new skill is about to be mastered.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what is left since she has walking, running, skipping, beating me, manners, walking/smoking/chewing gum simultaneously, talking in full, completely mind-boggling, scary sentences all while mixing a mighty fine martini down pat.

Hot wiring cars perhaps? Who knows. Better be lucrative.

Anyhow, whenever this happens she sleeps well for a week or so, lulls us into a false sense of security, and then she is back to downloading the latest program in the Bumpatrix.

Man, preschoolers are mind-boggling.

Hey look over here. See this thing - yes, this would be a tangent in the post.

Last Saturday night (like over a week ago for you Luddite calendar following folks), I was able to get out for some socializing with a large group of Canadian kick-ass bloggers. Mmmm it was nice.. really nice.

Anyhow, during the course of the evening I was asked a question that stayed with me - it was along the lines of "how do you find time to do the all sorts of the different things you mention on your blog and not have your toddler set the curtains on fire because you are so distracted by said things?".

I believe the said things refer to the teching/writing/spewing of gossip things I do over at Playdate, Binkywood, the on hiatus but still providing work Tool of the Matriarchy, Sk*rt, and of course, this ol' thang motherbumper [editor: this paragraph is a grand example of shameless self-promotion].

Or maybe they were referring to my night job over at the local wrestling pit where for just the low entry fee of 25 bucks, you can try to kick my as* in a vat of pad thai (warning: contains peanuts and shellfish). Note I said try - no one beats the motherbumper at pad thai wrestling... no one... except my child.

Regardless of what they were talking about, my answer was to smile and say "sleep is soooo overrated" punctuated with hyena-like laughter and a swift change in topic.

In reality how I do said multiple things is: - *deep breath* - I do absolutely next to no housekeeping. Like the absolute minimum as in "department of health doesn't break down door and burn sheets kinda bare" minimum.

But of course, when I know that guests might show up on my doorstep, I clean up the puddles, sticky spots, throw the dishes into the cupboards and dust bust the areas guests may tread. Oh and I'll wipe down the toilet seat because I'm civilized like that.

So in case you are wondering my secrets for juggling the fun shit I do - no, I do not neglect the child* - I neglect the floors, dishes, laundry, and general neatness of our environs.

Because I can say with most certainty, based on the fact that I love my family so much, and being a member of the blogosphere makes me so f'ing happy, that I will never EVER say on my death bed "DAMMIT, I should have cleaned more".

Amen.

* btw no one insinuated or even hinted that I must neglect my child but when I over analysed things I did at one point think "omg what if they think I ignore my kid all day?" but then of course I realized the wonderful folks I mix with don't think that way - otherwise they wouldn't be talking to me, they would be reporting me to the authorities. Anyhow, almost all of them hold down full-time jobs, have a happy family life, have wonderful kids, and write kick ass blogs AND probably have clean homes. So really, the question really should be "How da' f**k are you all doing it?" AND "can I move in with you?".

Being the week of Earth Day, over at Playdate there is a whole eco-theme going on - so if you are into saving the planet and other super cool adventures, check out what's going on. Happy Monday ya'll.