Friday, March 14

kickin' butt in the kindergarten ring

Note to Self: pull shower curtain next time I'm feeling a brave wave of truthiness.

Thank you for not mentioning how dirty my bathroom walls look. Cleaning grout? Not my cup of tea. I do it but not as often as required. Cleaning 300 year old grout that was never cleaned by previous tenant, not a satisfying job. I have my limits and they are way lower than that.

Thankfully no one mentioned it and thank you for all the nice comments (motherbumper shifts uncomfortably in her seat - not good with positive feedback - too positive and it upsets the shaky balance that I call my insane life). But thank you.

And am I the only one who says "truthiness" like "toothiness"?

Anyhow, today I'm busy building my new blogroll so this is one of those non-post posts. Thank you for all your linky permission and flippancy. So far no one has been booted from the list but I'm itching to meet my first belligerent patron. Come on now, tempt me to go all bouncer on your a*s. Actually, don't if you are over five years of age.

Since I'm cutting and pasting myself into further insanity, I'll leave you with a motherbumper public service announcement. See this innocent looking snack that caught my eye at the store?


It said "oh motherbumper, you know you want it. Oh yah baby, you want it bad".

Why are snacks always so sl*tty?

Anyhow, this snack is the work of the devil.

The ingredients haven't been read yet, but I'm hoping that it includes creamed snouts, puréed testicles, and lots and lots of formaldehyde. That way I may actually be able to stop eating they gooey goodness. Must never buy again. I feel like I'm going to go into a sugar coma.

They are the devils work I say, the DEVIL.

btw - nothing like oreos in taste and it really just looks like the oreos pudgy cousin - what's up with that? and don't even get me started on the excessive packaging (actually that's enough for me to never buy them again but OMG why did I have to try them?)

Oh and Greeblemonkey totally forced me to take this damn quiz so that I could establish how much of a horrible adult I am and of course - I scored high. Actually, it's designed to help you assess how many grubby and gang member 5 year olds can you take on if you were swarmed by them... because that would NEVER EVER happen. This is the stuff you don't hear about on the news because they don't want to cause wide-spread panic.

23

Anyhow, I can apparently take on 23 of those lil' stinkers before becoming overwhelmed. Pretty sure it's because I said there might be little to no issue in using one of knocked-out/injured 5 year olds as a shield and/or projectile. Because seriously, if they are just going to lay on the ground, they might as well be used for protection.

What? Oh please... I'd like to see you take on a damn swarm of 23 five-year olds.

OK, for a non-post post, this is pretty freakin' long. So I'll cut it off here.

Wait - did I already mention that I'm also over at The League of Maternal Justice today? I'm participating in the PBN Blog Blast (with prizes) for Zwaggle, a really cool environmentally and parent friendly online swap site. Go check it out if you have any baby gear eating up precious shoe space in your closet.

Now it's back to cutting and pasting for motherbumper. Cut. Paste. Cut. Paste. Go. Insane. But make lots of linky love. Mmmm linky love.

23 comments:

SciFi Dad said...

It's a combination of things... I could take 23 and I refused to use one as a weapon.

However, I suspect that my size and fight experience probably added to my number.

a. beaverhausen said...

It says I could only take 20. Man! I feel so lame! Maybe I should have answered "yes" when asked if I would throw one kid at another.

Lisa b said...

I resisted those cakesters at the grocerystore yesterday.
Ali said they were good. It was hard to resist. Then I got home and regretted it. Which was better than having bought them and eaten the whole thing.

Going to see how many toddlers I can take.

Heather said...

I can only take 17 I guess. Oh well. As long as I can take the one that I have, that's okay.

And have you ever tried those Milano cookies? My mom bought me some that were on clearance at SuperTarget a few weeks ago (still $2.48!) and those things are yummy. But talk about extra packaging! And EXPENSIVE. You get like 6 cookies. Yikes.

Mouse said...

Apparently I can take 18, even with some moral concern about the fight and my unwillingness to use them as weapons. I'll chalk it up to height and a high kick.

P.S. I don't remember if I asked for some linky love, but would like an inclusion on your blogroll. (I think the strep has gone to my head.)

nomotherearth said...

Go slap some Cakester ass..

Mmmm. Now is that sl*tty or what?

mamatulip said...

Dude. It says I could take on 20.

I'm kind of impressed.

mamafabulosity said...

It says I could only take 15. WTH? I guess I'm gonna get my ass kicked when Princess and Little Bear turn 5.

the mama bird diaries said...

oreo cakesters?! what the hell is that? sounds evil, yet yummy.

Ali said...

lisa b is right. i DID say they were good.. are they are. they really are. my poor, poor expanding ass...

Mac and Cheese said...

Oooooooh! More edible oil products in my life!!!

kittenpie said...

Hmmm. I'm taking you with me next time I hit the playground, because apparently I can only take 16, which isn't even a whole kindergarten, even with the cap in place. Sheesh. I suspect my short, stumpy arms are one thing holding me back.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I could only take on 20. I need to work on that apparently.

Kyla said...

Dude. I only got 17...so that's the limit I'm setting for BubTar's birthday party. The theme is "Cage Match". LMAO.

Mom101 said...

If you've ever been to Italy then you know that kicking swarms of 5 year old gypsy children in the head is not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Also really annoyed that all of you look so fine in the morning. There's a good reason I bagged out of this meme.

AK said...

I totally agree about the cakesters - they are the work of the devil:)Fortunately, the all consuming sweet tooth I had 10 years ago does not have the stamina it once did. Unfortunately, my brain never got the memo. Good for me that they are so overwhelmingly gooey and sugary that I can only take two bites and I'm done!

I can only take 15 anklebiters:(

for a different kind of girl said...

I had a brief and passionate affair with the Cakesters last fall. I lingered over their excessive packaging. I purposely ignored the nutritional information panel because I knew, I just knew how bad they were for me, but still I ate them. Each bite was followed by the exclamation "Sweet, sweet Jesus..."

I had to break up with them before I began a hateful, abusive relationship with new jeans.

Janet said...

Sl**ty cookies are even worse than tr*ampy potato chips. Just sayin'

And I say 'truthiness' like 'toothiness' too. You know, in case you're going to publish the results. Or something. ;)

Mrs Imelda said...

Wow, I didn't know you had it in you. I only scored 19. I think that next week I will have to have 22 or Boy Imelda's little five year old friends over when you come to pick Bumper up to see if this is true!

Mrs Imelda said...

I think that those Cakesters probably have about a gazillion Weight Watchers points in them so I dare not go there. (want to be a knock out for my 20 year HS reunion this summer!!)

creative-type dad said...

That quiz is awesome.

I could take 27

Daisy said...

I'm a teacher. I wonder how many it would say I can handle? I used to sub in kindergarten, too.

VICTORIA said...

Seeing a lot of bloggers talking oreo cakester love, but I just think they taste awful! To each his own!
BTW, I'm planning on going all truthiness soon, just keep forgetting...