Monday, February 11

I'm glad to be bad

That's what my daughter said to me last night while trying to get her to sleep.

Actually it went like this:

[cue Bumper jumping on bed, ignoring the silly demand from me to stop jumping on the bed and put on a diaper sometime this year]
While I appreciate the poetic rhythm, the word stupid makes me cringe.

Sure, stupid has it's place but to hear it come out of Bumper's mouth made me sit-up, drop the doritos, protest, and correct (after - unfortunately - laughing and repeating it out loud. Because oh my holy heck, what she said is totally funny).

But I protested not because Bumper was using the word correctly but because stupid is one of those stabby words and stabby words really hurt on all kinds of playgrounds. She needs to know that and I've decided it's banned in this household with the exception of political discussions.

Anyhow, before you go screaming "omg motherbumper, I can't believe you use that type of language around your child"... well you don't read this blog often, do you? because stupid should be the least of your concerns you can't blame me.

Yes you can. Hell, stupid is nothing. You should have heard what I said when I stubbed my toe on the doorframe yesterday. Now Bumper can easily make truck drivers and sailors blush or maybe even cry.
Okay, so you can blame me but I didn't actually say it, so does that make it better?

She heard a young girl saying "stupid dog" in Toy Story and that irritating phrase remained in Bumper's guide book for weeks. I thought I had it out of circulation but noooooooooo, it's been republished and reformatted. Tonight she was cranky and "stupid" came back out to play. One step forward, three steps back.

Her crankiness comes after a streak of excellent sleep (unblogged for fear of cursing). The streak is over and all things related to rest, relaxation, routine and energetic feelings (I was just getting that feeling back) (sob) - well all of those wonderful things have been stolen by the little goblin named Grumper*.
*not to be confused with the toddler formerly known as V but completely related to - or possibly may be - Bumper. Security video tapes are being analysed by experts as this goes out.

Her sleep routine is so dependent on the cycles of the moon, position of Saturn, price of crude oil, flight patterns of butterflies, and all this must be factored with the percentage of mainstream medias "news" story involving either Britney, Lindsay, or Paris. When all of these factors come together with the right coordinates, we have good sleep patterns. This alignment is also known to allow Kristen the ability to change her template that I helped make bullet and blogger proof.

Do those requirements sound a wee bit complicated? Try living it.

The exhaustion is killin' us all. Combined with the cold (currently -18 with a windchill of -30 - where do we live, with Pingu?) I'm trying to convince the family to hibernate (yes, yes, I'm still on this pro-hibernation kick).

Yesterday and today our wake-up call has been 4:30am. The previous few days 5:30am. No naps on any of these days and bedtime takes forever. How can someone not love sleep? It boggles my mind.

I'm so glad that she so damn smart, mind-blowing, entertaining and charming
For those reasons, I can almost overlook the sleep deprivation and name calling


SciFi Dad said...

Great photo.

We aren't in any kind of "phase"... we call it "life". She gets up between 5:30am and 6am most days, regardless of the time I get up (we used to believe it was due to me leaving early for work and making too much noise).

Admittedly, it's not 4:30am though. If that were the case, I think I'd need a central line with a starbucks feed.

Christina said...

I force my husband to get up with Cordy when she's up for the day at 4:30 or 5:00am. It's his fault, anyway - he's the early riser. I even had my mom tell him that I've never been an early riser, so it's his genetics that caused it.

I have to censor myself more around Cordy. Just yesterday I read something upsetting and said, "God damn it!" and had a little parrot immediately repeat back what I said, with the same inflection and everything. Oops.

I hope Bumper goes back to a decent sleep pattern soon.

Kyla said...

KayTar picked up "Stupid Beagle" from Charlie Brown and with her echolalia it makes for some fun times. Like sitting in the pediatrician's waiting room while your toddler (who appears normal) repeats "Stupid Beagle" 500 times and all the parents look at you wonder why you aren't stopping it. Fun.

KayTar sleeps in...but many night she is up until midnight. These kids! Good thing they are so cute.

Velma said...

I've had the lovely experience of two low-sleep kids. It's hell, honestly. My daughter stopped napping completely at 18 months, and I remember calling my mom and taking no comfort in being told I was exactly the same way as a child. Yargh!

Bumper is lovely, by the way.

Mayberry said...

My kids call "stupid" the "S-word" which I find hilarious every time. Then yesterday my 2-year-old told his sister to "BACK OFF!"

Hope you get some sleep ASAP!

something blue said...

Stupid is a naughty word in our house too. It makes Strawberry's eyes bulge at the end of Robot Chicken with the closing logo "stoopid monkey." Yes, I know, age appropriate cartoons would likely be more suitable.

Last night I laughed myself silly when I caught Buttercup in the kitchen singing "Rehab, No no no!" She was hanging out by the fridge hoping for her twentieth cup of orange juice. She's addicted to vitamin C.

Anonymous said...

OMG 4:30! My daughter would be told to go back to bed and then locked in her room if she even attempted to wake me before 8:00. I don't know how you wake up that early and then write such a coherent and amusing post.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Woman, how are you living with that little sleep?? I'll take a nap for you, 'kay?

And I am totally amazed at the use of "stupid" in Disney and other cartoons. I had to learn to substitute silly for stupid in my vocabulary, which makes me sound like I've been lobotomized, but I can live with that.

kittenpie said...

I'm playing the same game as chicky - selective editing. But it's too late, it's been heard already in certain books...

Mandy said...

i have early risers over here too... but we finally convinced nate to crawl in bed with us so we could sleep until 6:45am.

nomotherearth said...

Sleep issues suck the big one. The Boy has been getting up way ass early since the Little Guy. NO FUN. Hope that resolves soon.

Your post is a good reminder for me to curb my tongue around the boys. I'm a cusser.