Wednesday, January 2

from resolve to dissolve

Lately as I cruise around the 'sphere, I've read at least a dozen bloggers and their new resolutions (why does this seem to happen at the same time each year? Got me... *shrug* - it's like that pumpkin thing every October).

All the declarations seem realistic and attainable yet most are prefaced or punctuated with disclaimers. Disclaimers of probable failure, improbability of success, and predictions of a futile attempt at whatever each has set out to accomplish.

Before slobbering baby 2008 toddled in and kicked out old man 2007, I debated making my declarations. My declarations of probable failure. But then I got scared. Scared to come back and read what I set out to do*, knowing that I once again procrastinated and f**ked up.
* yup, I read my archives once in a while... mostly this is a form of self-torture... admit it, you do it too

How negative, you say (yes I'm reading your thoughts... if you're not frightened, you should be).

Well you're right, I am being super negative. And the lack of confidence that seeps and oozes out of this post stinks. Stinks like you and your significant other went to an all-you-can-eat bean-dip and beer party, spent the night in an airless room, and awoke to find the door is locked from the outside. And you don't have the key. It stinks real bad.

So I'm going to open the window a crack and let in some much needed air.

Hey, that could be my resolution.

No, no, not to solve that flatulence problem that plagues my family - the thing about being less negative. Perhaps I could endeavour to be less negative.

Nah. That would require too much effort. Being negative is so much easier and we are still not getting much sleep around bumperland. Let's forget that shit.

Moving right along - this is the current state of things in the land that bumper built:

What is it with year two and the accompanying emotional spectrum that spins like a roulette wheel in Casino RoyHell?

One minute she's all sunshine & lollipops (emphasis on lollipops because she loves bribes lollipops), next minute she's that feral child from the videos shown in abnormal psychology 101.

Seriously folks, for those feral fun-times, I either need to find one of these suits:


or hire a body guard. But she'd probably make a body guard cry too.

Oh well. At least I'm not talking about how Nap Strike: 2007 has entered year two.

So let's have three cheers for taking the low road. Here's to negativity in 2008!


BlondeMomBlog (Jamie) said...

I can't recall the last time my 2-year-old (she'll be 3 in March) willingly took a nap at home. Oh sure she takes a nap at daycare...sigh.

Also, the mood swings of a 5-year-old girl are quite possibly even more volatile.

Get ready! ;)

And Happy New Year! :)

p.s. I purposely avoid even mentioning resolutions on my blog. I'll just slack from the get go!

Serendipity, baby! said...

Amen. No resolutions here, but I could work on continuing to be very negative. :)

something blue said...

That's why I didn't resolve to stop eating chocolate and pay off all my debt.

A little air freshener would make a world of difference. Serenity now!

mothergoosemouse said...

My resolution is actually quite negative. It's a bit of a metaphorical middle finger, come to think of it.

nomotherearth said...

I didn't even bother with resolutions this year - too depressing. Bring on the chocolate!

ewe are here said...

I hear you on the negatives re resolutions... I'm right in there with them.

And my 2 1/2 year old fights me tooth and nail on naps. Sigh.
Would it really kill him to go down for half an hour? Huh? Huh?

Happy New Year.

SciFi Dad said...

I think you'll get this joke... my MIL refers to the munchkin as a two-nager (vis a vis the mood swings, general insolence, etc).

(Hey, look at me... I just used "vis a vis" properly (I think) (or maybe not) (I don't know) (nevermind me over here))

We're currently in what I would call an "experimentation" stage with sleep... she's not interested in the old routine, but she still clearly needs a nap (crashing on us a few hours after her old nap time). All I can offer is to keep messing around with times and approaches until something sticks.

Amy U. said...

I read my archives occasionally, too. I love that funny graphic!

A little negativity and a dose of sarcasm never hurt anyone.


Sandra said...

Negativity is sexy.

Miss you

Baby in the City said...

Yeah, the resolutions are risky business...evidence to be used against yourself some day when you feel like an underachiever - unless you actually accomplish your resolutions, but yeah, like that ever happens! Can you guess I'm my own worst enemy?

The roulette wheel is just now being introduced over here. You're making me very afraid.

Happy New Year MB!

Oh, The Joys said...

I think the suit would be awesome. We'll all you mothermegaorgange.

Mac and Cheese said...

I keep the bar low on resolutions, so I can't let myself down unless I slip into a coma or something.

I'd pay to see you wearing that suit while Bumper has a go at you. Web cam?

Mrs. Chicky said...

Now this is more like it. I'm all about negativity. Down with resolutions and up with half empty glasses!

Mimi said...

Oh, I LOOOOOVE that emotion-wheel graphic. That's the most awesome thing I've seen yet in 2008. So true. So terrifying!

Good luck with that negativity thing. If you figure out how to kick it, can you let me know how????

petite gourmand said...

I love your negativity!
please please please, don't ever change.

as always, a very funny post.
and so creative- love the special effects.

happy New year!
hope 2008 brings you some extra zzz's.

mamatulip said...

HELL YEAH, here's to negativity! WOOT!

jennie said...

does that suit come with ear plugs? because I think that would be a requirement.

also, if it were slippery that might be nice. that way, no one could climb up your leg or hang on when you were doing something, like walking.

NotSoSage said...

Where can I find me that suit? That, or a muzzle (for me...calm down). Because, and I hate to admit this, I'm finding the nearly-threes waaaay worse than the terrible twos.

kittenpie said...

Hey, negativity has its positives... erm. But me, I'm not planning on major changes. Just hoping to get some stuff done. Like maybe our renovation, decluttering, and room shifting. That should take a good 6 months.

Redneck Mommy said...

I'm with you, baby.

Screw all those positive one keeps them anyways. LOL.

Have a happy new year, friend.

Kyla said...

Dude, I am so there with the negativity in 2008. In fact, I haven't been anywhere else since the year began. LOL.