Friday, April 27

the thin pink or blue line

(sung to the tune of Going to the Chapel. My apologies to The Dixie Cups)
Going to a shower
and I'm gonna get misty
I'm going to a shower
and I'm gonna get wistful

Seriously, am I the only one who gets all "ohhh I wanna another one... NOW" whenever I see a newborn?

No? I didn't think so.

I firmly believe that nature makes us forget the sleepless nights and sore butts&boobs so we will create siblings. I can barely remember the early days and it was only 18 months ago.

But this post isn't about me - it's about a virtual baby shower that going on right now (with games and prizes). You can join the party now through Sunday - go play the games, I'm in there. It's fun stuff folks.

The shower is for Liz, Christina, and Tammie who are all ready to go (if not already going) and the shower hostesses have requested posts about the best advice and assvice garnered from parental experience.

Since I have a tendency to go on and on and on ad nauseum, I will spare you my long-winded a'vice and keep this mercifully short.

Best Advice:
Newborns don't need toys. Nada. I ran out to the store two days pre-Bumper and madly bought rattles and books thinking "OMG - how am I going to entertain this child? I NEED PROPS!".

Yah, I required about as many props as I would need to entertain a sack of potatoes (no offense kid). My face and her Dad's mug was all the kid needed for entertainment during the first twelve-weeks.

Best Assvice:
Oh about everything that was said to me for the first twelve weeks of her life.

Oh, I kid (kinda).

No seriously, I couldn't decide which was the assy-ist.

I think I disliked the assvice:
"don't give the kid a soother or they will (a) never learn to latch on properly (b) have buck teeth (c) become a smoker/drug-user/drug-dealer/republican or (d) never get into university"
I became so scared of soothers that by the time that I realized how magical a cry-plug could be, it was too late. My little girl would never have an oral fixation/addiction and I was stuck with only my own boobies to stick in her mouth.

So that's my a'vice ladies. I send best wishes to the new moms and babies and I hope that all the kind words from all the wonderful parents out there comes in handy.

Sack of potatoes eh?
Why do I feel like I need a smoke right now?

17 comments:

Her Bad Mother said...

We were warned about soothers - then I read an article that said that they reduce the risk of SIDS and felt justified that I had stuck a soother in her mouth when she was 2 days old.

The cork is golden, golden.

Gabriella said...

Gee and here I got all excited when I saw that title!

As HBM said, the cork is golden indeed!
Remember that one for the next baby ;-)

Kyla said...

We had no plugs here either. Sadly, neither of my kids would take it.

Jezer said...

We effing LOVE our "Sweet Paci" (no kidding, we never say "pacifier" or "nuk" or "soothie" or whatever. It's always Sweet Paci. And with the utmost reverence).

And also, I thing Someone must know that I would never be able to handle anothah one, because I have no idea about this ooh-I-want-another-one feeling of which you speak. Thank goodness.

crazymumma said...

Neither of my kids would even look at a soother. Dear gawd, My life would have been easier, instead they hung off their human pacifier for like ever.

I love little babies. Are you telling us something?

Mom101 said...

Thanks MB! It's so true about the props, that totally made me laugh. How many freaking Lamaze animals with rattles in the feet do we need for a newborn? (Answer is zero but that doesn't stop the grandparents from bringing a new one home every week.)

mamatulip said...

I got the same advice about soothers.

I LOVE SOOTHERS.

Soothers make the world go 'round.

Let's hold hands and sing Cumbya with soothers in our mouths.

something blue said...

I was frightened of soothers as I was warned that they are the root of all evil. I should have known that meant they would be great.

Yes the toy thing is right on the money. And what's up with cute, cuddly stuffed animals that are labeled for ages three and up?

whymommy said...

Right on, MotherBumper!

Except -- I must have the one kid in the world who forgets how to nurse after he tries a paci o rbottle ... Every. Single. Time.

And he's 14 weeks old.

Siiiiiiiiiigh.

Chag said...

Pacifiers Rock!!!

ali said...

i want to punch all the paci-haters in the face. it saved my life.

nomotherearth said...

Yeah, I bought toys for no reason, too. Poor potato-babies.

kittenpie said...

I gladly gave in to the soother once I gave in to the bottle, once I gave up on the latch after about 6 weeks of crying (both of us). Hey, if I needed her to lie/sit by herself for 20 minutes at a time while I did the pumping, I was going to need some help - it was a lifesaver!

And? The way you started this, I thought you were about to make an announcement! Ack!

Mof2 said...

I get what I call "baby fever" whenever I see a newborn, or even a mom in her last trimester. I just think wouldn't it be nice to hold a new little baby and buy all those cute little clothes and bibs and blankies.

MrsFortune said...

Hahaha at the soother thing... I was the same way... wait... was? I mean, am. (And I'm with Gabriella, I was really excited!)

Day Dreamer said...

All three of mine had binky's. All three were breastfed until I had to have my poor withered boobs back and none of them forgot to eat! People are wierd, if their kid didn't do it, they don't want yours to do it. None of my kids have buck teeth. My 1 yr old is still binking (and dealing pot)! Loved this blog..props and potatoes!

Alley Cat said...

My daughter woudn't take a pacifier, but my in-laws never wasted a single opportunity to suggest that I should have made her take one. Then came the report about how pacifier use reduces SIDS, and I never heard the end of it. Use one or don't. Just don't let everyone else drive you crazy about it.