Tuesday, November 14

Day fourteen: What do I want to be when I grow up?

Sometime before or around the year 2000, my Mom asked me "as a child, what profession did you want to be when you grew up?".

I told her a mercenary.

She paused and said "missionary?".

"No, I wanted to be a hired gun".

I think she might have sighed at that response. If she did, I don't blame her at all.

Since I've matured and developed a hatred of guns, I've decided I want to be a grifter. But I think I might be too honest to take advantage of a good situation.

For instance, today in the grocery store the automated check-out (or as I like to call it the "since you whiny cashiers decided to form a union, we are going to replace you with self-check-out machines and make you obsolete" kiosks*) gave me back too little change. This forced me to interact with another human, so I tried to act as much like one as I could. The lovely human cashier responded by not speaking when I made my request and slamming down my change on the counter. I love humans. Anyhow, I noted quickly that she gave me too much change and returned the fifteen cent overage. If you could have seen the "are you crazy lady" look she gave me.

Darn. I could have used that to help fund my first con.

* trademark name by Bumpertown incorporated

FtF diary update:
Current Project Fight the Frump (FtF) Standings:

Day 6: Much better. Get this: I was dressed, brushed and clean by 9 am. No make-up but I was taking Bumper swimming and I can't hack waterproof mascara (does anyone know how to get that stuff off? I swear I'm still wearing waterproof stuff from New Years). Percentage of day spent frumpy: 20%

Day 5: I don't even know why I'm still doing this because there is no freakin' way I'm going to even make a conditional pass (50%) without showing up at playgroup in the absoultely perfect little black dress, an up-swept 'do and elbow length gloves.

Today I got dressed at 1:30pm and only because I had to go vote for our new mayor, councillor, and school trustee (I can't complain about this place if I don't fulfill my civic duty). And I couldn't do that until after naptime because there is hell to pay if I try to do anything planned and when I do, to do it without sleep, makes it impossible.

Bumper of course was a sweetie while voting so I decided to drop-in last minute at the local Early Years centre. Unfortunately I forgot to put on a shirt under my sweater and I was too freakin' warm in the room of 40 adults and 30 odd kids (the number was odd, not the kids. Well some were but I'm not going to post about that tonight). So here I am all hot and the only thing to drink is coffee and let me tell you, it's hard to chase Bumper when overheated and thirsty.

To top off my frump factor, one of the mommies who I have known for months told me I looked really tired. Yup, I forgot to put on make-up. At least I remembered the hair. Percentage of day spent frumpy: 65%

Day 4: Does getting up to get food because I was too lazy to cook so that was the only reason I put on clothing count as defrumping? Ah, who am I fooling - no one. Percentage of day spent frumpy: 99.97%

Day 3: I never got dressed. My MiL was here, I was feeling crappy and I remained in sweats all day long because I had no obligation to leave my home. I plead "sick". Percentage of day spent frumpy: 100%

Day 2: I was dressed at 9:30 am (whoa). Clothing clean(ish) and coordinated (black always looks great with denim). Teeth brushed, hair clean (but wet and pulled back in ponytail) and I actually applied mascara AND blush. Mom-friends at drop-in playgroup noticed. Percentage of day spent frumpy: 15%

Day 1: I got dressed at 2:17 pm. Not bad but I think I can do better. Percentage of day spent frumpy: 70%
OK, I may have recovered and today gives me hope of making it over the conditional pass hurtle of less than 50%. I'm at 62% folks. I might just make it after all!


jen said...

i love that you wanted to be a mercenary. i think you'd be good at it.

and kudos on the other..percentages climbing all the time.

something blue said...

You were a special child wanting to be a mercenary. Are you sure you didn't mean that you had hopes of being in a death metal band?

I love humans too! heeheehee...

Glad to hear that you are winning the frump battle. Personally I'm feeling more frumpilious everyday.

kittenpie said...

I'm the same with the honesty. It's a handicap, I tell you. But where the heck did youever even hear fo the occupation "mercenary" as a kid?

I'm pretty frumpaliciousmyself today, having dropped Pumkpinpie off at daycare, then returned home for a nap. I overslept until noon and had to hustle to get to work with unwashed ahir for 1:00! Yahoo, it's all glamour all the time at the library, doncha know.