Thursday, September 17

Don't go forth and multiply

He sat on the edge and for a few seconds I thought he was a goner. He seemed frozen but then suddenly, he turned around placing his back to the mix below. He wasn't going anywhere fast.

It was disappointing; his previous lack of movement made me think he was either intoxicated or hypnotized by the fumes and he was going to take the plunge. It was hard to tell which way he was going to go.

I blinked again and he descended backwards, down towards the inviting concoction.

"Go" I screamed in my head while trying not to move.

I was afraid any movement would break his reverie.

"Just do it" I hissed over and over again inside my noggin while doing my best not to flinch.

He was hesitant. Maybe he was wondering why all his comrades below weren't moving. Maybe he noticed that they hadn't moved since he arrived at the edge.

Maybe I'm giving a fruit fly too much credit and he's just acting like a regular damn fruit fly.

It's Day Five of Operation Obliterate Fruit Fly and it's hard to tell who is winning. She in charge of Dutch Blitzing sent me a link to her favourite method of destruction and bowls of her concoction sit around the kitchen and bathroom.

Why the heck do fruit flies like the bathroom? There is no fruit in my bathroom, no food whatsoever. Yet there they are, hovering around like tiny drunk planes to my irritated king kong on a porcelain throne.

The kitchen makes sense -- we have the fruit technology they want to steal, erhm... eat? I open the garbage and the latest platoon emerges, seemingly built over night to replace the fallen troops.

"Damn you" I hiss while shaking my first towards the cloud of kamikaze pilots. I hiss because to open my mouth wide enough to say these words might result in consumption of a troop. They really have no sense of direction.

"Mummy, mummy, come quick... I've done something bad!" She is yelling this while running into the bedroom. I admire her honesty but I'm also bracing myself for something really, really bad.

"It's in the kitchen mummy, I'm so sorry..." she trails off while leading me to the countertop by the fridge.

"There." She points to the counter. All I see is four black flecks. I lean in for closer inspection.

"They are fruit flies mummy... and I squished them." She said this to her chest, ashamed of her slaughter.

"You've done good grasshopper, done good." I tell her.

Now to figure out how to explain to her when it's okay to squish the life out of something and when it's not. *sigh* This parenting stuff is hard.

Pssssssssst I'm over at Aiming Low today because I fit in there, fit in far too well.


Anonymous said...

For no apparent reason, there are fruit flies all over my building. One of my colleagues actually bought this thing that looks like a badminton racket... except that when you push a button on the handle, the string weave electrifies and basically acts as a bug-zapper. It's the coolest fucking thing I've ever seen.

Angella said...

We have them in the bathroom too! And I hate when I open the cupboard where we keep the garbage - I get hit by a cloud of flies.

So. Sick.

Heather said...

When we get them they are sometimes in the laundry area in the basement. What in the heck are they doing down there? Not my laundry I can assure you.

for a different kind of girl said...

I don't have any in my bathroom. No. The reaon? I think it has a lot to do with the giant ass spiders that I've been finding in there lately! The other night, I flicked on the switch and startled one who was using my hot rollers to get ready for a night out fly murdering with it's boyfriend. They will kill me in my sleep. I have little doubt of that.

♥georgie♥ said...

we had a fruit fly infestation recently drove me freakin insane...we finally found the culprit...rotten yep i am a wonderful house keeper

Amanda said...

You've Done Good Grasshopper...

too funny.

God bless~

daysgoby said...

Those fake-tennis-racket things are AWESOME!

I'd love to have the zen to wait it out while my holistic sludge does it magic....alas, RAID works so much faster....

kgirl said...

Ok, that blown up picture of the little bugger is going to haunt me. Now I'm pretty sure that the billion of them in my kitchen are plotting some fiendish attack on me.

mapsgirl said...

I think you have saved my sanity. I've been trying to get rid of those nasty little buggers. Thank you to you and the wonderful people at dutch blitz.

Heather said...

I had them in my apartment in college because we left empty (unrinsed) beer bottles laying on our kitchen cabinets for about a week. What? We were in college!

Jenni said...

Um... I have some not so great news for you. The vinegar? Oh yeah... it will kill fruit flies. BUT (and that's a HUGE but) it will also bring MORE fruit flies. Stay. Away. From the Vinegar!

The Momma Hen

Amanda said...

This just got me pissed all over again about the little f*cker that made its way upstairs. There. Is. No. Fruit. Or. Shit. There.

mamatulip said...

I hate fruit flies. Hate them.