Well look at that: the cat isn't trying to kill me as originally thought when the act of cleaning my face almost sent me to the hospital. My bad on the accusation front because it turns out it's my daughter who is trying to do something to the cat and he was probably hiding from her when he made face washing deadly. And I'm not sure exactly what my daughter is up to but here's an example:
Today I caught her trying to duct tape the cat to the coffee table and because he's a cat, he slept through a majority of the crime. But basically she started to tape his napping a*s down like a druid sacrifice and he really didn't notice until I yelled "DON'T DUCT TAPE THE CAT TO THE COFFEE TABLE PLEASE!" [points for remembering to use my manners but immediately lose points for using my outside voice]
Let me tell you: the cat caught on quickly that something was amiss.
Of course why was my daughter playing with duct tape? I think it's part of her tiny bag of tricks.
Literally, she has has this tiny bag that I must check daily because OH MY WORD the things I find in there e.g. tape. Or pictures of my huge pregnant belly which are totally NSFNS (not safe for nursery school) yet somehow made it to the hands of her classmate recently.
Now those little kids sure do crack me up and sometimes they might act totally clueless or nonchalant but nothing slips by them.
And while it really makes my heart sing to hear a kid refer to me as "Gigi's Mom" as in: "Gigi-Mom, why so big in that picture? You're huuuuge", I also must state the obvious: kids are brutal, BRUTAL I say! I think I told them all to cut me some slack and oh look, is that an ant?
If that ant hadn't worked I'm sure I would have gone on the defensive and explained that sure it took me three years to lose the thirty plus kilos (*cough* 70 lbs) that I gained thanks to my pregnancy support team of Ben and Jerry but I'm close enough now so whatever. And because it worked so well many times before, Ben and Jerry have once again generously offered their support in cooperation with Team Lays who have pledged to build a bigger and better motherbumper. So far I'm resisting but dammit, I feel some weakness coming on (must remain strong because I love my new jeans dammit.)
Anyhow, from the better late than never files:
The following people won free rice in the Let Them Eat Rice draw and you can clearly see I used a totally on the up-and-up process called "too damn lazy to write numbers on paper" or maybe the "look at me being all green - if you ignore how much electricity it took to power the laptop in order to actually generate the numbers versus how much human energy it would have required to just use a scrap of biodegradable paper and some ink to randomly pick five numbers out of a hat" process.
Winners! You are all WINNERS! of rice!
7 - where there's a willer...
9 - cool zebras
10 - playa minded
4 - cheaper than therapy
11 - mama tulip
And the world said I never gave it anything but shit shine and shinola. Take that world.