Monday, April 6

Overheard on the subway

Recently, Gigi and I visited friend's outside the city. We returned on the train late in the day and when we pulled into Union Station it was around the time that Gigi usually hits the sack. She was a bit droopy but fortified with fun-filled day she had with her partner-in-crime.

I was selfishly glad she was tired. It meant for quiet travels and I'm kind of glad she wasn't aware of everything going on because we are full on knee-deep in the "why" phase of life, and you will see why I didn't want any "why" questions as you read on.

After getting off the train, Gigi and I headed into the subway station making our way to the platform. It was Saturday night and as I looked around at all the people obviously heading out for a night of debauchery, I felt a little bit wistful for my former days of dancing around Gomorrah.

But not as much as some people.

Two business types were standing next to us on the platform. They were chatting away though I was only half-listening due to proximity. Like the other conversations going on around me, it sounded like two adults in a Charlie Brown show (you know the nonsensical "mwa mwa mwa" way) until I heard the word "threesome".

Yah, I've never claimed to be mature so you say the words "beaver", "threesome", or "balls", I'm gonna focus on what I'm thinking is a naughty conversation [isn't that right Jessica, you said beaver in your latest post and got my attention]. Listen and learn folks: if you are trying to teach me something, listen and learn. If more profs in university randomly added the words "balls" and "booty" to their lectures, attendance and grades would probably reflect the perks of the new content.

ANYHOW...

These two rather square looking business types standing behind me were holding briefcases that I now think were filled with porn mags rather than spreadsheets because HELLO? Threesome? Hey, spreadsheets: that's a good nickname for porn, don'tcha think? Anyhow, these two guys were talking in totally normal volume voices and this is what I heard from the time the word "threesome" caught my ear.

Not so square dude #1: "So can you believe she did that? SHE TAPED OVER IT"
Not so square dude #2: "Over your threesome?"
NSSD#1: "Yah, she taped over the threesome we recorded and she taped over it with - get this - The Young and the Restless!"
NSSD#2: "NO WAY. Y&R?!? But that's on time shifting**"
NSSD#1: "I KNOW! And do you know how hard it was to convince her that Tammi* was going to go for it? All that planning and stuff and now the memories are gone."
NSSD#2: "You two had a threesome with Tammi? That's so cool. But isn't it weird to see her at work?"
NSSD#1: "Not really. She was the only one my wife would agree to let join in."
NSSD#2: "I'm impressed she let you tape it. Do you think Tammi would go for it again?"

* not her real name though if it was, I imagine she'd sign her name with a tiny heart dotting the "i"
** also, it's on demand so there really is no excuse to tape the Y&R which makes me think: wife did it on purpose.

I don't know what happened after that moment because I was too busy stuffing objects into my and my daughter's ear canals.

So ends another Saturday night in the big city with my kid.

27 comments:

Michelle said...

LOL!
For sure the wife did it on purpose.

Heather Durdil said...

She totally did it on purpose.

Emily said...

I hope the wife did it on purpose - but maybe she did it on purpose so she could do it again? Hmmmmm!

wherewiller said...

I love people. People are so damn entertaining.

Casey said...

Man, I love Y&R. :-D

Mary G said...

Perhaps it was a musical evening?
Snort.

for a different kind of girl said...

Damn. I'm impressed the wife apparently kept the tape around as long as she did. She totally did it on purpose, because seriously, you don't need to record Y&R to catch up with the non-threesome doin's in Genoa City on a day to day basis. I'm also shocked the husband didn't burn a copy to DVD as soon as he was up and at 'em again after the threesome so he'd have a fall-back copy.

Karen Sugarpants said...

that is so awesome. your word verification is joings. that wife totally has joings.

zandor said...

Ha. Wow. I love hearing random conversations like that. Always makes nights/days more interesting.

SciFi Dad said...

if ever there was a story to demonstrate the importance of backups, this is it

daysgoby said...

I totally agree. Spreadsheets is an awesome name for porn. And I'll bet you'll be buying those teeny sponge earplugs to keep in your pocket from now on, hmm?

Also, maybe he has dimply butt and the wife just didn't want to tell him. No?

Don Mills Diva said...

That is awesome.

Clearly that woman has her priorities straight.

kgirl said...

Debauchery by-proxy! Sometimes that's the best one can do.

sam {temptingmama} said...

I tape Y&R every damn day. Just so you know.

How come I never get to hear great conversations like that?!

twobusy said...

I am SO jealous that you overheard anything that dirty and fascinating — and grateful that you didn't have to come up with some kind of golf/tennis excuse on the fly for your daughter.

(dirty-sounding word verification: swalli)

Ali said...

who tapes anything anymore? hello, PVRS? hahah.

Alex Elliot said...

I think I might have burst out laughing!

Kyla said...

Dude. I need to start riding public transportation...you get the best stories there.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

The first thing I learned working in the multimedia industry - Backup, backup, backup.

That guy's first screw-up - having a 3-some. Second screw-up - not making copies. Third - talking about it where you could overhear and share it w/ the internet.

mothergoosemouse said...

A co-worker? She agreed to a threesome with one of his co-workers?

(head explodes)

Parent Club said...

I'll be the first to add the words "red rocket" "all aboard" and "mind the gap" to the comments.

Assertagirl said...

I imagined something completely different in that briefcase...

Miss Yvonne said...

The dude was obviously lying...he probably was all bragging to people about this awesome threeway he had and everyone is all "I want to see the video!" and he's all "ooooh, wish I could but the wife taped Y&R over it. Too bad, because it was totally hot and awesome and not at all imaginary."

Karen MEG said...

I just love the TTC, still the "better way"...

No Mother Earth said...

That totally sounds like an urban legend! What an awesome story. Who needs to read on the subway.

the letters i wish i'd written said...

He married a woman who watches the Y & R...saddest part of the story....

mamatulip said...

This is so totally awesome. SO TOTALLY AWESOME.

She knew damn well what she was doing. I love it.