Sunday, April 26

deep cleansing breaths... well that is if my lungs don't rise up, rebel, and demand a dental plan

Do you ever do those internal cleanse thingimaboppers, you know, one of those pill combos that does a "liver, colon, digestive, scrubadubdub, the organs are clubbed if you do this with a sensible diet and many, many litres of water to you know, jump start the system and cleanse out some crap" kind of cleanses?

And when I say sensible diet, I mean: instead of buying the jumbo size large bag of Salt & Pepper Lays, I just buy the regular size large and hide it from my family because the jumbo size large bag is hard to hide.

Which makes buying the regular size large bag sensible for my diet.

Follow my logic?

Same applies to chocolate, candy, licorice, and of course: cookies. It however does not apply to ice cream. Though if you know a way to have ice cream sensibly, please share and if you don't want to share it with me, think of the others, the others who may understand my certain brand of sensibility and will revel in your obvious genius. The world doesn't seem to talk much about the shortcomings of the modern day furniture (are freezer compartments that hard to install?) but it's obvious that bedside tables are woefully equipped and designed. I'm sure this is all a shameful secret of the furniture industry and they obviously need more people like me and George Costanza designing the more practical and multi-purpose pieces of furniture in this time of recession.

Anyhow, regardless if you've tried one or not, SB and I have found a cleanse is a good way to kick start the feeling of better plus yadda yadda yadda and it works for us blah blah blah and even if the feeling good kick-start is the results of some pricey placebo or the precursor to some monstrous shock to my organs where they band together and rise up in some kind of cyborgan rebellion, I don't care and don't want to know. I like and I'm gonna keep doing it.

So yes, to get slightly back on track: I'm not loyal to any particular brand of cleanse, I've tried a few different ones, and I usually buy two sets of the same kind so that my partner in crime can lend some of that good ol' support. Support meaning I have someone to blame when banned substances like Ben&Jerry's crosses the threshold. And while that type of transgression where SB is the transgressor has never actually happened, I patiently wait for the day when I can be the one to give the dirty eye followed by exaggerated roll combined with deep, disappointed sigh. It will happen one day, mark my word, he is human and it will happen.

But yes, the cleanse. Anyhow, we get two of the same brand and while I know deep down it shouldn't make any difference, I still like to keep mine seperate from his.

So my civilized version of peeing on the property is to mark my bottle "MINE" and his "YOURS" and somehow this confused him because he thought "YOURS" was "MINE" and "MINE" was "HIS" and none of these were marked "HIS" so then I got confused because seriously, I don't know why he was so confused by "MINE" and "YOURS" and why is it so hard to explain it to him that "MINE" is mine and "YOURS" is yours, and why does he have to confuse me with this "HIS" business?

Why people call me difficult is beyond me.

13 comments:

Stimey said...

This isn't going to sound nice, but I always assume that my husband will take the dumb or lazy way and I plan accordingly. For instance, I put his towel on the towel rack closer to the shower, because he will always take the closest towel anyway.

Also, I'm not sure I want to know what a bottle of "cleanse" does to you.

Chag said...

A cleanse?

You're old, dude.

Mac and Cheese said...

I do the same towel thing as Stimey!

As for SB, He should know that mine is mine. What's the matter with that guy?

for a different kind of girl said...

This reminds me of when I was a senior in college and lived in a house with six other people. We started out as friends, but by the middle of the year, we were close to loathing each other, and we spent an hour after each trip to the generic grocery store marking all our yellow boxes of macaroni and cheese with our names. One friend actually kept a measurement tally on her gallon of milk. I strongly suggest you count out your cleanse pills.

p.s. - somehow, we have had an unopened carton of ice cream in our house since Friday night. The kids don't know it's there. I think I have one more day to test the waters before I plow my face into it.

p.s.s. - this cleanse thing has me intrigued. I really, really want to try those pads you adhere to the bottoms of your feet to see what kinds of toxins seep out of me overnight. I think I'm probably made up of 98 percent evil and 2 percent water. ;)

mamatulip said...

Huh?

Kyla said...

I'm, errr, a little too concerned about intestinal ramifications to ever attempt anything meant to "cleanse" my innards.

twobusy said...

Next time: HIS and HERS. If he confuses that, you've got real issues.

No Mother Earth said...

What's mine is MINE and what's his is also MINE, but MINE is never HIS. Kwim?

musingwoman said...

Is the point of this to make me crave chocolate, candy, cookies and ice cream?

Assertagirl said...

There's some ice cream in my freezer you're welcome to have since I can't have it anymore. Sniff. Instead I'm having low-fat mango sorbet.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Okay, back the truck up...

Salt and Pepper Lays???? What is this magical substance you speak of??

Mandy said...

All you've gone and done with this post is leave me with a potato chip craving.

Thanks.

I blurred past all that healthy talk about cleansing and fighting over bottles. ;)

kittenpie said...

I'm always a bit leary of what they put in those things. And what the results might be... I do know people who have done cleanses by limiting themselves to fruit, veg, herbal tea, and brown rice for ten days or something, which seems a bit healthier to me. Perhaps I might try that when I'm not feeding another human anymore (four months. four months. I can do this...).