Tuesday, January 20

leave it to beavers

The past few days have been filled with headaches, deep freezing, deep snow, and nudity.  Lots and lots of nudity.  The headaches, ass-freezing, and the white stuff, well I blame Canadian Winter for that but the nudity - well that's my offspring for you.

For some reason my child is deathly allergic to clothing and for a parent who would love to hibernate from January 1st until about March 30th each and every year, with my cub firmly strapped in next to me, well I find this rejection of warmth and comfort completely confusing.  Currently I'm wrapped in a duvet, underneath I am wearing butt-ugly long johns that do nothing but scream FAIL in the realm of flattery, I've got on socks WITH my slippers, and I'd direct life from my bed IF I COULD.  Meanwhile, any time of day my daughter is running around in - at most - her underwear, all the while mocking my inability to stay warm.  This of course, plays on my paranoia and makes me worried for her sanity.  What if I'm raising someone as wackydoodle as me? How can she not be cold? It's minus seventy-five outside and that's before the windchill and our apartment walls are made from tissue paper and spit.

ANYHOW, this past Saturday, Gigi and I went to visit her bad family and Catherine and I had this total "June Cleaver hanging with her homies" moment.  We were sitting in the kitchen, passing Jasper back and forth like a medicine ball - because trust me, they don't make hot potatoes in that size - while trying to create something that would satisfy the gastronomically fickle demands of our three year olds - which when you think about it, is pretty funny.  Because neither of us like to cook, nor are we very June Cleaveresque save for the fact that after giving birth we both discovered the magic of home delivered groceries and that there really is such thing as a perfect vaccuum and thy name is Dyson.  I felt like buying myself an apron the day I discovered that little homemaking tidbit.

Anyhow, here we were, entering a new stage in the evolution our parenting accomplishments - one that includes being domestic & not complaining about it - albeit we were doing this while both checking email on our PDAs and discussing how PR folks really don't get how viral marketing happens - because you know what PR people? It doesn't happen just because you ask me to link to your stuff - for free. Ah shit, I'm totally losing my train of thought (what a surprise)....

Bottom line: We were being all domesticated new millenia-style, all while trying not to drop the world's strongest seven month old.  Or burn the food.  The imagine I'm trying to conjure for you is: we were being momish.  Which is nothing like amish or moorish but perhaps a bit boarish.  Or a lot.

So Catherine had just finished marvelling out loud over the fact that our daughters were being such little ladies - playing upstairs without supervision - and there was nary the sound of bloodshed OR pillaging to be heard.  It was a beautiful moment which of course, promptly ended as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

That's when we heard the taps running and some giggling. Giggles and running water, is never a good combination I say. NEVER.  Just ask anyone on a waterboard.  HELL, countries have been brought down by lesser assaults than the terror that two three-year-old girls can inflict, let me tell you.  So I sprinted up the stairs and rounded the corner to find my daughter stripping down and pouring every last drop of bubbles into a bath - with the help of her usual partner in crime.  I'm 98.6% sure it was just an excuse to get naked.  So no death, torture, or destruction - this time - but lots of nudity.  Do you know we've never had a playdate that didn't end in nudity? It's true.  Nudity breaks out whenever our girls get together.

Oh hell, are these two going to be leading the chant of "HOT TUB!" at parties when they are eighteen?

*shudder*  someone hold me and tell me she's gonna want to be a nun.

21 comments:

Karen Sugarpants said...

Bwahahahaha! I can totally see that happening!

kgirl said...

I would highly encourage these kinds of shenanigans... at least you'd know your inlaws.

Her Bad Mother said...

When they're eighteen? Girlfriend, if they aren't trying to host hot tub parties by the time they're FIVE, I'll gobsmacked.

Mac and Cheese said...

I could relate to a hot tub party host more easily than I could a nun.

Redneck Mommy said...

Um, remind me again how they are so very different than us?

Don't most of our play dates end up in nudity and bubbles?

You are teaching those girls RIGHT.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Sounds about right to me.

Viva la NUDITY!

TwoBusy said...

Of course she's gonna want to be a nun. A naked nun, but a nun nonetheless.

Annette said...

God, I'm so glad I have a boy!

musing said...

I've got one who runs around in 10 degree weather with nothing but a t-shirt on. He's already eighteen, though, so there's not a darn thing I can do about it.

Stimey said...

Quinn would like to get in on your naked 3-year-old party please. Is it co-ed?

Michelle said...

LOL! Peanut would have fit right in. She loves the nekkers. True story: Yesterday I put her down for a nap at my friend's place and five minutes later she could be seen on the monitor, jumping up and down in the crib COMPLETELY NAKED. ::le sigh::

Haley-O said...

Haha! that's so cute! My little monkey's always taking her clothes off, too. Often during playdates!

Heather said...

I thought it was so great when my friends and I discovered we could let our kids play together sort of unsupervised. Then we discovered how quickly they could destroy a couple of rooms in the house.

Ahhh kids. That was right around the time that we realized playdates should always have wine too.

for a different kind of girl said...

If her DATE dates in a few years always end up in nudity, you're screwed. You know this, of course. I just wanted to say it.

kittenpie said...

I'm with you on the wanting to be all wrapped and cozy, that's for sure! they have their own little heat generators in them, those younguns.

(And our house rule is just that you have to have undies on. I'm not generally squeamish about germs, but the notion of someone's ass sitting all over my house without undies icks me out a bit, especially since the wiping skills of young children are not always tiptop, you know? Blech.)

K said...

I love the line about never having a playdate that doesn't end in nudity. That is awesome.

My son is actually the opposite - he likes to add unnecessary layers of clothes and hats. We went to a playdate last week and he spent the entire time wearing the other kids bike helmet indoors.

I love kids.

mamatulip said...

Yeah, she'll be a nun, all right.

On Hallowe'en.

Ali said...

Isabella would fit right in. everything she does ends in nakedness :)

nonlineargirl said...

I'd be more worried if you had a 3 year old who did not want to be naked.

I answered the door to a guy wanting me to give money for some good cause, only to find Ada at my side, totally naked with the cold winter air rushing in.

Kyla said...

You and Catherine as homemakers makes me giggle a little, just because I'm right there with ya. Except, without the Dyson. Drats.

Sarcastica said...

This story is HILARIOUS and I can totally see it happening lmao!

And, er, she's going to want to be a nun? For Halloween anyways ;)