Sunday, December 7

new frontier

We found ourselves this weekend in a position that I never pictured us in before.  Not once did I think this would ever happen to us, even when we added Gigi into the fold.  I'm still shaking my head, it just seems impossible to believe we'd ever have weekend like this.  Yet it happened and we never saw it coming.

Saturday night I found myself chopping up many heads of broccoli to make a nifty little buffet broccoli salad (without nuts) for a pot luck buffet and this unto itself was not unusual.

Pot lucks were not uncommon before I was made a full fledged head-of-household partner.  I worked for more than one client that insisted all the consultants attend AND contribute to any company potlucks and often found myself on a week night returning home from some post work beers only to turn right around and back to the scary 24 hour grocery store down the back alley, slightly buzzed, to purchase what one hoped was an acceptable, non-offending, and non-poisonous contribution to a client's baby shower for Marcy in the mail room.  This would always be followed by a panicky period where I would be racking my brains trying to remember what I signed up to bring, hoping that I hadn't agreed to bring dessert when I just purchased a really expensive spinach salad in a bread bowl combo.  Take my word, those head of the party planning committee folks can get really miffed when there are too many appetizers and not enough desserts.  There is no faster way to get a poor client appraisal when you show up with cheese when they were expecting chocolate.

Anyhow, those were the good ol' singleton days where I had disposable income out the ying-yang to throw around on prepared foods for forty people.  These days, I stand in my kitchen chopping broccoli for a nifty little buffet broccoli salad (without nuts).

So it wasn't the fact that we were attending a Christmas potluck, a Christmas potluck hosted by my child's school that had me shaking my head in disbelief but the fact of who we were attending as.

That's right.  We agreed to attend as someone else.

You are reading the diary of one Christmas elf who happens to be married to one Mr. Santa Claus.

I would have rolled my eyes and called you insane, if you had told me that one day I would be tramping through minus twenty-one degree weather to be the centrepiece to a a room full of people, all while dressed as an elf and standing next to my husband, who was dressed as Santa and watching him scare child after child because holy crow these three year olds have NO IDEA WHO THIS FREAK IS.  Yet these kids didn't run away because bad Santa was bearing gifts.  But they still had enough fear in them to act like they want to scream "OMG WHO IS THE FREAK IN RED MOMMY - AHHHHHH!" while maintaining some composure.

Seriously, I've never seen so many catatonic scared children.  Only a few cried, but most looked like they were afraid to avert their eyes for fear that would be when HE ATTACKS.

Actually, that part was kind of fun.

But yes, if you had told me that one day I'd be running out the door, with a tub of homemade broccoli buffet salad (without nuts) under one arm, while pulling a child so bundled up that she couldn't move her limbs, all while yelling "we gotta go now because if Santa and his elf are late, there is gonna be hell to pay", well I would have laughed you out of the bar, partner.

Oh yes, in true form: we forgot the camera.  Darn.

19 comments:

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

I would have paid money for photographic evidence of that. Good money that I usually squirrel away for important things, like lattes. And gin.

Mac and Cheese said...

So are you an elf, or are you Mrs. Roper??? You're screwing up my viual!

Heather said...

Oh the things we do for our kids!

Like you new look!

Ali said...

oooh...new layout. love it.

oooh..you are an elf. love it.

:)

Michelle said...

Seems rather unfair that you had to be Santa/Elf AND bring something. But it does sound like fun (I'm picturing the looks on the kids' faces).

for a different kind of girl said...

Seriously! I second that whole business of having to double duty it with the elf business AND the broccoli side. I have to go to a potluck Sunday, and I have to bring an entree AND a dessert, which would be just like eating dinner at home, which...sigh...I just wish I was.

Ernesta said...

Potluck dinner in costume?! And it's not Halloween? WOW - you must really love your kid!

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

So, did you really forget the camera....or did you just leave it at home ;O) Because dude, I would have paid to see that!

Jezer said...

Oh, my heck. How on earth does one score a gig like that?

Vodka Mom said...

I certainly hope you had a glass of wine before you went.....

Lisa b said...

awesome.

K said...

This year was my first trip to visit a mall santa (my son is 20 months). I was kinda hoping that was as wierd as it got. You definitely win good mom points for elfing it up.

No Mother Earth said...

How COULD you forget the camera!? A swearing elf is something I need to see a picture of.

fidget said...

I can see I'm going to have to fly up there and super glue your camera to your palm!

the weirdgirl said...

That would have been the BEST family photo/Xmas card EVER! Especially if you were showing off your elf-y broccoli casserole and happened to catch a couple of terrified children in the background as Santa tried to lure them in.

I don't even need a photo... I can visualize the whole thing.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

See? And now you have to do it again next year so we can all enjoy the pictures.

meli said...

It sounds like fun. :P

How did the frightened children enjoy the broccoli buffet salad (without nuts)?

Assertagirl said...

Aw, DAMN that would've been a good shot. How did the salad turn out?

Hip Mom's Guide said...

Oh I hate that! I always forget the camera at this very sort of function. Think it's subliminal?