Sunday, November 30

return of the extra long post: don't look back in anger (oh heck, why not)

We have been at my parent's house since last Wednesday.  Whenever I come back, I dig through the old albums.  I want to ship them all to Toronto but it would be one more huge pile of stuff that would become more of a burden than a joy since I have no where to keep them in our tiny apartment.  So here they stay in my parent's basement until I can give them a proper home.  Let's hope my mom doesn't realize they are still here and go all purgy on me.

Anyhow, I tripped across The Boomtown Rats' I Don't like Mondays.  Way back in 1979 this was the best intro I had ever heard for a song (soon to be dethroned by Train in Vain) and I was instantly hooked at the wee age of ten.

*sigh* I wish I had a turntable to spin all my 45s on, just so I could go back in time for two minute increments.  Two minutes is better than none.

But that's not what I set out to talk about tonight.  I came to talk about strong emotions.  In this case: anger.

Some things shouldn't be done when I'm angry.  For instance, I have a personal rule that as a couple, SB and I should not go to bed angry.  I read that pithy statement in some relationship counselling guide and it stuck.  Why would I be reading guides and tomes on relationship counselling? Is my marriage suffering?  No, not one lick or cuddle - my marriage is great but thank you for your concern.  But why would I be reading marriage counselling 101 books?  Well one does these things when toying with training to be a relationship counsellor.

Hilarious, I know: Imagine me being a counsellor.  But ten years ago, it was one of the avenues my education offered so I looked into it.  So yes, imagine me as a marriage counsellor.

Hell, I'd drive the divorce rate up, that much I know.  Relationships can be so unhealthy, so full of malignancy that I'm sure I'd advise more than average, to cut the cancer out and be done with it.  I'd be all pronounce-y and say something like "why not loose that [insert spousal weight here] pound tumour you have attached to you by a piece a paper, and start fresh?"

Actually, I wish people had to do more for a marriage license than declare they are single and not Charles Manson.  I think there should be a test.  Something akin to being dropped into Jurassic Park while chained together, slathered in steak sauce, and the only way you can survive is with a little thing called cooperation and brains.  If you die, well one less marriage or divorce for the courts to process.

You wouldn't want to live in my world, would you?

ANYHOW - I'm once again off topic - sorta.

Back up to not going to bed angry.  Another thing I know I should not do when angry, is blog.  So I've been quiet lately and that has been a good thing for everyone involved.  And don't worry, I'm not mad at you (like you were worried gentle reader), it's just I've been angry at myself for regressing in my personal pledges.

[cue violins]

You see, years ago I felt miserable most of the time because I surrounded myself with unhealthy relationships - I can't bare to call them friendships.  Then I had a V8 moment and realized that these people had no respect for me, so I obviously had no respect for myself and I cut the fat and quickly felt better about everything, including myself.  It's not really rocket science, yet it took way too long to figure out.  I swore it wouldn't happen again.  But obviously it did.

So this past weekend, after talking with friends who I love, respect, and adore, I found my focus again, and started to trim the fat and purge the unhealthy relationships of my life.  And the reason I felt the need to blog about this seemingly self-centred and boring topic, is this: I geniunely like 99.6% of my readers (all four of you that aren't family, though I must admit I kept the family members in that statistic to boost the percentages, something my stats profs would curse me out for doing because OMG I'm skewing the stats.  Did I ever tell you that stats make me kind of horny?  Seriously I love statistics and rocked them in university like an air guitar. I'm a sick, sick woman.  And truthfully, my prof from stats 2080 for medical professionals would probably high-five my skewing of the stats because that's how you get a job at the major corporations, don'tcha know).

Oh I'm so off topic now... backing up... horny, stats, reader love *screech* yes that's where I was:

I like you and may I be so bold to suggest you do the same kind of relationship purge if you are feeling bogged down.  Examine those you allow to orbit in your universe.  Are they using you? Do they respect you? Why are they part of your life?  And then pull yourself up and say I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and... oh screw that crap: respect me or get the hell out.

That felt good.

Back to regular programming soon.


Her Bad Mother said...

You are amazing and wonderful and deserve only, ONLY, the very best and most awesome things in your world. Including me ;)

But the bullcrap? It can go. Because you need NONE OF IT.

MWAH. And also: MWAH.

Heather said...

It's good to purge once in a while. It's slightly painful at first, but I usually realize how much better I feel later.

Mayberry said...

XOXOX and glad you are feeling that weight lifted. I'm with HBM -- you deserve only the best!

Chag said...

Good for you!

BTW, I have an unhealthy obsession with stats and numbers, too. But somehow, I never took a statistics class along the way (wasn't needed). I still think I should've been a CPA.

SciFi Dad said...

"statistics are like bikinis... what they show is exciting, what they hide is crucial"

I'm glad you did the purge, assuming I know what you're talking about. If I don't, I'm still glad you're in a better place.

Mr Lady said...

I do this same thing about once a month. Because I pick up toxic people like the common cold.

I'm proud of you, dude, and if you ever need a helping hand, it's right here.

Mary G said...

You have inspired me to screen my phonecalls!
And I love following you around the luxurious curves of your theme.

mothergoosemouse said...

Blogging while angry is even more dangerous than blogging while drunk. And I ought to know.

Good on you for taking care of yourself.

daysgoby said...


Casey said...

I know I need to do some 'purging' with a certain friend of mine. I just really have a hard time letting go.

Mamalooper said...

Ah yes, the purge. V v much needed at times, esp. when there is so little free time post kids. Too easy to end up spending time with people who are dragging you down (she says with unfortunate experience!).

kgirl said...

There are a few people hanging around my facebook friends list that I certainly wouldn't consider friends, and actually became highly disappointed in when we 'reconnected.'

You have inspired me to delete them and all their negatory energy.

And I'm just gonna assume that I'm in the 99.6 part, otherwise my love for you will simply go unrequited.

Ali said...

oh, i've been there with the toxic friends. i've totally reached that point in my life where i really only want to surround myself with people who make me happy. it's hard to get rid of bad baggage, but sometimes it feels so good to do.

(fingers crossed that i made the 99.6%)
(ps. stats make me horny too.)
(wanna make out?)

Velma said...

You are a smart chick. Life is too dammed short to waste any energy on people who don't contribute to your well-being, so I hope you feel lighter and happier now.

Angella said...

I have had to purge real-life friends before (as well as some online ones).

It's worth it; none of us need to be brought down by toxic people.

Mimi said...

Good for you. Makes a world of difference, don't it?

hoppytoddle said...

Are you receiving my psychic messages of frustration?

My mom & "BFF" since age 12 have been on a throw-me-under-the-bus spree since before (& because of) the election. I've been having a really hard time calling that 'friend' since an evil email match where she told me to just 'pick up the godamn phone'.

Thanks. This reminder & validation was needed much more than you know.

Kyla said...

I've kind of been going through that myself, and I've found that when you get rid of the useless ones, the good ones get a whole lot better!

for a different kind of girl said...

Dude, so, I read this and now I'm kinda paranoid I'm not in the 99.6 percentil because that's just how whacked my head is 99.9 percent of the time and that's probably 93 percent my Mom's fault, but blah, what do I know, tossing percentages around like I know what I'm talking about when I assure you, lady, I do not.

Anyway, I wish to say here that I dig you in a completely not creepy way, even though you opened your arms to me and allowed the creepy in when I felt I probably blew it on my first comment here (and seriously, why does 'blew' not look right?). I think it's awesome you have the insight to toss out the dark and let in the light. I was thinking about where my dark is as I was reading this, and I kind of think I'm doing OK in this area lately and I didn't even realize it. You made me realize it. I know you're not a licensed therapist, but if you have insurance numbers, I'd be happy to submit this as a claim and see if you could get paid.

In the meantime, when I was shopping last week, I did a big old screech...reverse! at Kohl's because they had a RECORD PLAYER!! And not only a record player, but one that would let you record your records to CD!! WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME! Except it looked like an old-time radio and that was not so awesome, but still, the technology is out there. We just have to embace it.

Good lord, once again, I come here and spill way too much, so, in conclusion, I say xoxo.

Lisa b said...

Woo you and ali and your horny stats!

Dammit noone should be disrespecting you motherbumper. I am glad you feel good about cutting them off.

I've purged a couple of 'friends' in the last year, others I just push back on track when they try to drag me down.

Michelle said...

I do that too. I think of it as "spring cleaning" for my phone book. Lately I've been avoiding my blog because of family drama... harder to get rid of those!

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

I totally understand what you are saying. Lately I have been trying to do the purging, I just don't know. I think if I purged the only friends I would have left would be online. It totally sucks and I have no idea what to do about it. I am sure that when I am not feeling all down and mopey I will have a better outlook on my "friends" but for now I feel like I should just climb into bed and not come out for a year or so.

Sorry to be a downer. This is why I haven't been blogging.

Zoeyjane said...

This was the first post I've read and it was completely fitting. And it's exactly what I've been doing slowly and painfully for a coupla months now. I'm totally ripping the bandaid off, now.

Christina said...

You're right, as you often are. I've had my fill of toxic relationships in the past. I've cut many of them loose, but I often wonder if some of them are still lurking in the shadows, waiting to pull me under again.

Good idea to routinely go through and do a purge of those things that aren't good for you.

April said...


Assertagirl said...

I love that image of other personalities orbiting around us...and also, GOOD FOR YOU. You are fantastic, thoughtful, caring, smart, funny and giving. Oh, and cute. Come visit soon.

Amanda said...

It's trite, but life is too damn short for bull shit. Seriously. Like Oprah said, "If it doesn't make you look and feel fabulous, throw it out." Your next free minute will you come and slap me for quoting Oprah?


petite gourmand said...

First of all..I love the boomtown rats.
I actually know how to play T.M.W.I D.L Monday's on the piano.
Well not exactly the whole song, just that first bit.
One of the four songs that I can actually play.
(I'm sure my parents are thrilled)
The other two are the chopsticks (duh) the theme song to the Young and the Restless and The Kinks-Lola.
Wanna start a band?

I know what you mean about not posting when angry.
It's so tempting, because you just want to get things off your chest, but in the end probably not such a great idea if the wrong people end up finding the blog. my case Big Daddy reads it all the time so it's a bit useless to post when I'm pissed off.
Then again, it might be a great way to tell him what I'm really feeling, and he can't tell me that I'm just P.M.S'ing and to "get over it".

Hey maybe we can turn that play-date into a therapy session? :)

Oh and editing is essential when it comes to toxic relationships.
Sorry for my own long rant..

common mom said...

I've always said life is too short to hang out with people you don't like. No need to be with people who make you unhappy or stressed.