Monday, February 25

I look good in gold

My back is in need of rest and repair. Gah - it hasn't felt this way in months. My spine is wound tighter than Laura Linney's Oscar dress. Speaking of Oscar:

Last night I did something I wanted to do for a long time, I blogged something live. Cynical Dad was crazy nice enough to share his space with me for the Oscars.

The red carpet portion was pretty much all mine and while it was disappointing to miss some of the big names because they all arrived fashionably late (Depp? I didn't see Depp until the show started, where was my Cate? Oh it was so frustrating), I did get to see Mylie Cyrus.

Wait a second: Please explain to me how SHE got invited and given the job of presenter. I was still reeling from the Rocks presentation (The Rock? Rock?) and I just about chocked on my chicken leg when Mylie got up to hand out an award.

Was this Oscar show thrown together last minute OR WHAT? Was everyone really that busy last night that those two insignificant bleeps on the entertainment radar got to hand out statues?

Needless to say I passed out just after the French fish woman took best supporting actress (am I alone in hating that dress?: too many "90210 Donna goes to frat Hallowe'en party as a mermaid and gets molested" flashbacks for me to even give it half a chance).

So far from reading the recaps this morning, I know that I must find out what the "bad" Harrison Ford joke was all about. And I must drool of Javiar some more.

Good golly, is it just me or was most of the script for the show god awful? Obviously the improv skill of most of today's Hollywood is very VERY rusty.

Why did I pass out so horrifically early and leave Cynical Dad to cover the rest? Because I spent a huge chunk of Sunday on a long drive home from a quick family visit home (to celebrate new baby in family! mmmmmmmmm new baby) and while the drive was manageable, the vomiting toddler in the back seat was not.

It scares me to listen to her hurling while I'm flying down, I mean, driving leisurely down the road, looking for a space to stop without being crushed by an 18-wheeler. Aren't you jealous of all the fun? And the fun doesn't stop there - try cleaning out the rental car in record time before the return deadline. Driving around town with windows cranked down in Arctic weather - FUN TIMES.

So why did I do Oscar coverage live after a day like that? Because I wanted to do it dammit! I love making fun of celebrities, it's in my blood. Sure I held back on being ruthless on someone else's blog but I'll have my talons out today as I read the recaps.

Despite passing out two nights in a row in a pretzel position which has my back screaming out in pain as I type this sentence (and explains the first complaint statement of this post), I will not regret my choice to blog live nor change that decision. The vomit? That would be the number one thing I would change from the weekend. Did you even need to ask?

So give me your Oscar two cents - I've got to catch up and find out who else won, who wore what, did Paris try to crash the party, and research remedies for motion sickness in toddlers. Woah, life doesn't get more exciting than this.

Oh and also I need to go read all the Toronto Blogger's blogs today. I missed a rocking party this weekend and need to know who went home with who, who left their baby in the coat check, and who drank who under the table. It always pans out that way. Please give me any good blackmail fodder if you were in attendance (did anyone even notice I wasn't there? *big sob*).


Jezer said...

oooh, I hope Bumper feels better soon! That's been going around here, too.

The Mr. and I were surprised at just how bad celebrities look in HD. Now we can see the bad skin and icky makeup and everything. AND, Crest Whitestrips was a sponsor, yet so many red carpet walkers' teeth looked downright yellow. Ick.

Sandra said...

I can barely manage to blog once a month and you live blogging with your back out and after a weekend like that?!?! I bow down to the MB.

And OF COURSE we missed you. Several of us were already talking about how we can hook up with you ASAP and I emailed Gabriella to find a way that the three of us can have lunch cause she missed too.

Much to much drinking and debauchery as usual. Metro has some pictures and I am betting Redneck will later today. Biggest news of the night ... TULIP was there! But she's gonna come back now that she knows we aren't all scary so you'll meet her soon.


mamatulip said...

Okay, WOAH. Back the train up, girlfriend. Donna wore a mermaid costume to the Hallowe'en frat party (I almost typed in fart party...I should just say fart party and leave it at that) and got molested? Seriously?

And...dude, the Oscars were on last night?

Bwahaha. Just kidding. I flipped back to it in between Wii games. I saw a lot of montages...a LOT of montages. I watched maybe...10 minutes of it, which is more than I think I've ever watched in my life.


crazymumma said...

I was totally there and totally wondered where the hell you were.

Car rides = gravol.

You can thank me later.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Hope the Bumper feels better. Sick toddlers are no fun.

And the Oscars? Meh. I watched it but was completely bored.

Whit said...

I thought the Oscars were decent enough. It was safe and mellow, which is what they want I guess.

Mayberry said...

I missed the last 15 min due to DVR error (totally user generated. Crap)

Bad dresses: Jennifer Hudson, Tilda Swinton (although FOR HER, she looked about 1000 times better than usual) and I could have done without those dumb feathers on Jessica Alba.

Redneck Mommy said...

I too, was dealing with a vomiting child this weekend, and he wasn't even mine.


I was fondled rather inappropriately too. Come see me and I'll show you proof.

kgirl said...

we totally missed you this weekend. next time dude; the fruli's on me. (mmm, fruli.)
oscars were totally boring. thought it was just me, as rockin' as i am. (bwahahahahha!)
and the most interesting dress was on george's girlfriend.

Ali said...

(i missed the party too. boo!)

i hated her dress...but loved her speech. she almost made me cry it was so damn genuine.

Ali said...

ps. donna wears the mermaid costume to the party but it's Kelly who almost gets raped. ;)

Mac and Cheese said...

It's true! I saw that episode of 90210 over the holidays, and it was Kelly's dark, vampy temptress costume that got her the unwanted attention. I don't think anyone wanted to touch the mermaid.

Remind me never to lend you my car. This is the second car vomit story I've heard from you.

Denguy said...

I attended said party. I discovered that pretty much all the mommy bloggers can drink me under the table--even the pregnant ones (okay, not the pregnant ones).

Get well soon over there!

something blue said...

I usually only catch the red carpet.

I missed you like crazy but you'll be happy to know that I drank for both you and me.

kittenpie said...

Poor Bumper! And poor you - cleaning up vomit is godawful. And it's so helpless to be driving and not able to make them more comfy. How awful.

and I hafta say - I don't know why Miley Cyrus was there, but I was really impressed with her dress. Lovely, ladylike, age-appropriate, simple. Good job, kid. (I think the answer might be that they trot out whoever has projects coming up and needs some spotlight. And you know, people like Owen Wilson who need a little PR fixer-upper.)

Gunfighter said...

I did an Oscar recap at my blog, MB, if you are interested in the disjointed arning of a VERY tired (and bored) Gunfighter.