Jimmy Choo Shoes

Lately I've been complaining to regaling SB with stories about people who approach me and point out that B is chewing on her shoes when in the stroller.

She does this total yoga move and sucks on her toes and sometimes nibbles on her shoe. It requires a lot of flexibility.

While impressed with her flexibility, I find it gross. But honestly I've got to say that shoe chewing is low down the list of parenting concerns. The struggle that comes with trying to stop the chewing rarely outweighs the fact that she will soon be distracted and will move onto something else.

I suppose if the shoes were particularly dirty I'd make more of an effort to stop her but that hasn't happened yet. I'm not too worried - I run a tight ship with clean shoes. And please, this is not an open invitation to send me the research on the dirt on toddler shoes that say it's deadly for them to chew on their soles. I already have enough to contend with. Anyhow...

When strangers make a deal about the shoe chewing, I get a bit agitated. For instance, this week a woman pointed it out to me in the grocery line. When I smiled, nodded, and went back to reviewing my list for missing items, she gasped in (what I hope was) mock horror and instantly admonished B for her habit. I found this irritating but didn't make a big deal.

I'm just not into discussing my parenting strategies with strangers which is what happens when conversations start this way. That or I apologize for how much I suck as a parent, and I don't so I'm not about to admit it to strangers. So sue me, I don't like talking personal and parenting opinions with strangers. Bloggers? Yes. Strangers? Nope. Weather, traffic, and Paris Hilton are more choice topics.

Moving right along...

So this shoe-chewing thing has been happening more frequently lately and I've been bitching to SB about it. Well today he finally encountered it when in an electronics store with B.

But of course, it unfolded completely differently for him.

A woman approached him and started the following conversation:

- Your child is chewing on her shoes?

SB - Yes

- Do you know what that means?

SB - Uh... no I don't

- It means that she wants a sibling

With which he responded:

SB - Maybe my wife and I will have to get on that

And of course that made her laugh.

Why does he get the cute conversations and I get the "you-suck" looks. GAH!

And don't forget: apparently if my child is chewing on her shoes it means she wants a sibling.

Once again I have to say, not until I get some sleep first.

Oh and SB thought she might have been hitting on him. B is apparently a real chick magnet.

Foot chewing since 2006

This day in herstory

A year ago today a friendship was formed over swings and sand. Bumper met her best friend, buddy-o-pal, her favorite opponent, her worthy comrade, WonderBaby on this day in history.

I could tell you many MANY stories of their adventures and wrestling matches but I'll spare you.

I could tell you how much strong support, good cheer, and friendship has blossomed between the moms but I'll spare you.

I could tell you how funny WB's mom is when she's had a few drinks but I'll spare you (I'll record that evidence at BlogHer).

I will tell you how wonderful and supportive the blogosphere, momosphere and all the 'speres have been in my life and without them I'd probably be certifiable.


And I'll tell you how much I love to see these two little ladies together. I love it more than chocolate.

Yes folks, that much.

Also on this day in history:

Last year I finally got new blinds for the living room. No more free peep shows for the neighbours.

Now there is a two drink minimum.

Maybe I should have started with that story instead because it just doesn't seem as interesting as the one about the girls. Gotta work on that writing style.

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Still here? Why don't you head over to the Soapbox. Words are flying over at MBT. Go add your two cents!

my so called toddler

Bumper is no longer a baby.

She is also not a full blown toddler but she is definitely no longer a baby.

Sure, she can pitch a fit like a certified toddler, complete with high-pitched, dogs from miles around come a' running kind of screams.

She says "no" with authority and nowadays she means it.

She demands DORA! like a professional toddler.

She asks for apple juice and cookies with words!

But she still is a baby.

My baby.

I'm not ready to give up my baby for the toddler years just yet.

Do I get a say? Nope. It just keeps happening. And it is completely beyond my control.

Last week, she ditched me at the playground for the very first time.

I can admit that at that moment of being ditched for the cool kids, I wanted to cry.

She ran off with two older kids and helped them fill bags with sand. They all worked side by side, giggling. There was no room for mommy in the picture.

All I could do was sit back and watch.

Was I hurt? Did I feel rejected? A little bit but...

I was proud of how well she was socializing and communicating with her limited (but growing-every-minute) vocabulary. I was proud how she didn't bite, kick, push, punch, or pull hair when playing with these kids.

A young girl gave Bumper a bag and demonstrated how to fill it with sand. Bumper followed the instructions and when she finished, she lifted her sand bag with pride and showed it to the other children. The same girl praised her and they shared a moment of smiles and satisfaction of a job well done.


Seeing her run off with the other kids... well it almost made me want to have another baby right now.

Almost.

But before that happens, I'd like to get some sleep.

That isn't possible?

OK, I'll stick with one for now.

For now.

oh so very tired

Sleep is no longer on the menu here at Casa Bump.

I can't elaborate because that would require brain power. Oh who am I fooling, I always elaborate.

Regarding the lack of sleep in this household, I blame daylight savings, the heat, teething, immunizations, and Paris Hilton because... well why not? I'm sure she has had some influence on my daughter's misbehaviors.

So instead of a thought-provoking post, I will try to entertain you with a random list from Motherbumper's little black book of bloggy observations that I keep in my purse for emergencies like this.

I really do have a little black book (well two actually) that I keep close at hand to write things down so they might make it into my riveting posts.

Or maybe a post just like this.

So without further ado, a random list of stuff that I've seen in the past few days that made me stop and do some of that thinking thing:

A hawk circling city hall. Sure, I know it was just looking for lunch but it was super cool to watch swoop, circle, and dive. I'd like to think it was looking to peck out the eyes of some local politicians but it was probably just searching for some common everyday rat instead of an elected one.

A very skinny and young couple having sex in the park next to my apartment. At high noon, with an audience of construction workers who sat on the bench a few metres away from the action. I saw this couple earlier in the day when I first headed out with Bumper. In the morning they were curled up together on the park bench under a blanket in a very romantic fashion. At noon time they were full on porn stars on the grass with the same blanket shielding their midsection while bumping uglies. Did I care? No, I'm too tired to care. They aren't my kids.

My daughter pointing to pictures of Jack Bauer and saying "Daddy?" over and over again. Yeah right kid, if only... wait a second, I wouldn't want to be married to Jack Bauer! Don't you know what happens to all the women Jack loves? Who's that knocking at my door? I didn't order any Chinese take-out....

My daughter pointing to a picture on a subway ad of a young man with a spike through his head and saying "Daddy?" over and over again. That's more realistic. She obviously has seen him at work.

So anyone else having these sleep issues? Anyone else have a child who wants Jack Bauer for a dad? Anyone else blaming daylight savings for their lack of sleep? Bueller? Bueller?

In other news, my daughter has successfully infiltrated the Keebler Elf compound and she'd better bring her mom some cookies. I'm hungry kid and I need chocolate.


Now how's this for changing the topic - from elf to self:

Wanna read some NC-17 rated stuff? Go check out the newest (and naughtiest) column at MBT: hot&bothered. It's all about sex baby! Or more specifically, today it's all about sex with yourself. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

That is all. Class dismissed.

I love books

I'm here today talking about this:
Trust me, it's a fantastic read. I love me some Canadian authors and books.

Empowered? Hell yes

The deadline for the super-fan-tab-ulous go to BlogHer contest ends tonight at midnight so I encourage all women who are interested in spending the last weekend of July in Chicago with some mega alpha female geeks to enter NOW.

Even if you aren't interested in that kind of weekend, there is another package to be won and it's filled with coolness to the nth degree.

And I suspect that at BlogHer there will be some shy women attending also. Shy ladies like me. Yes, I'll be the one hiding behind the potted plants, sticking my motherbumper cards into peoples handbags while they aren't looking.

But seriously - ENTER NOW because midnight is coming upon us quickly, quickly I say!

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Talking about that contest that brings me to the question that begs to be answered - how does blogging empower women or more specifically (because I'm like that) how has it empowered me?

Well because it's all about me.

No seriously, that's a huge part of it.

I know it sounds selfish but this is one of the few forums where I can talk without interruption.

In the blogsphere I am me. I'm not your daughter, sister, or mom. Those are roles where I usually have to wait my turn or just listen because that is what is needed from me (not expected or required but needed).

On my blog, I can start AND finish what I need to say. I can leave my rants up or take them back whenever I please. It's all about me and my opinions and you can't stop me.

Oh wait.

That's not entirely true. I need to back up a bit to give a better answer.

I actually don't speak freely here at this blog because of some uninvited readers who make me a bit uncomfortable in my own space. It's a free space so I don't ask them to leave and I've posted about it already. If they were meanies I'd ask them to leave, but they aren't mean. I just need to talk without self-censor for fear of how it will be understood.

So without beating a dead horse, I'm not as liberal with my blatherings as I like to be but I found a solution for that (interested in finding out my solution, just leave a comment or email me and I might tell you).

But that doesn't change the reasons why I feel empowered by blogging.

I have many stresses in my life. I never talk about these stresses in this forum and I don't share them with any friends. I carry a huge load on my back, a load I cannot drop and rarely break from.

If I spent all my time dwelling on these burdens (because that is what they are), I would be a shitty daughter, sister, friend, mom and wife. I would sit in my chair and rock all day long while staring at the wall. I would be a mess.

I'm not kidding.

Blogging forces me to keep my mind sharp and focused. Focused on the positive, the joys, the world around me, the people I love. If I had to give up blogging, I would slip down into that mire called depression (or more specifically, depressive episodes), something I've experienced too many times before.

I love to blog.

I discovered after I started blogging, that events and triggers that once sent me sinking suddenly became more manageable. I could write an emotional, ticking time-bomb post (or 50) save it to draft and there it would stay. Out of my head (sorta), easy to visit and read at a more manageable time. Just like that teenage diary I gave up so long ago. I could purge the greasy, sticky, goop that blurs my vision and clean my lens on the world.

I'm not saying it's a cure but blogging is my therapy. I control the office hours and the sliding payment scale from zero to zero suits my budget just fine.

Motherbumper is 100% empowered by the Publish Now button.

I am the only one who can press that button, no one interrupts my train of thought and I still have the pleasure (most of the time) to hear what others think of my posts. I hear other opinions, opinions I respect (most of the time), and comments that make me feel less alone in this adventure called life.

I'm more than a daughter, sister, mom, wife, or friend. Here in the blogsphere, I'm Motherbumper.

I'm me and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Monkey see, monkey do

Bumper and I have been away for the past week (let's hear it for seat sales!).

We are glad to be back because we missed SB sooooooo much (how much motherbumper?). So much, it would be impossible to qualify the amount with mere words.

By the way, I'm not getting on a plane with toddler solo again.

This "free air fare" for the under two set is beginning to make sense to me. I used to question why the age limit wasn't three because I used to think that the average three year old would want to sit on a parental lapage. But that was back in my silly and carefree "pre-toddler" days and now I completely understand why the airlines have this rule.

I have the bruises and bite marks to prove why. One needs to purchase a seat to strap the wee one to when the wrestling just becomes WAAAAAAY too much to handle.

But air travel aside, we had a wonderful time out East.

Oh wait, I forgot about this "one for the baby book" moment which may or may not have happened while we were visiting my parents, aka the grandparents:

Someone may or may not have walked into the living room and yelled out "F*CK YOU!" at the top of their wee lungs.

Completely unprompted.

I think it was just a fluke because we usually say "f*ck that sh*t".

SB was instantly blamed because he wasn't there to defend himself.

hey kid... yes you over there...
screw you and the melon you rode in on!

Get a Hobby!

Before I had a family, I was a hobby-aholic (hobbiaholic?). I had a (not-so) secret Martha Stewart addiction to things like paper-mache, pottery, decoupage, and homemade Christmas ornament. For gifts, I would create fabric-covered boxes or personalized gift-wrap with matching gift cards, and I really thought my customized picture frames were the cat’s meow (if you received one and didn’t like it, don’t tell me, I’ll be crushed). I took classes in subjects like life drawing (OMG naked old men models with wrinkles everywhere and I mean everywhere), belly dancing, and Ukrainian egg decorating.

In recent years, time has not been on my side. I haven’t abandoned all my creative skills – I've made some fun toys and personalized books for Bumper – yet my creative output is nowhere near what it used to be.

This is about to change because I’ve got a new inspiration.

The Parent Blogger Network asked me to review the book “Get a Hobby!”. The book is a collection of “101 All-Consuming Diversions for Any Lifestyle” aka hobbies. Practicing a hobby is a great method for relaxation, which promotes good health. This fact is supported in studies outlined in the book forward written by the neurologist, Dr. Miguel Figueroa. Heck, I had no idea my hobby addiction is good for my health (so why did I bother to quit smoking?).

The book is set-up reference style. Each hobby chapter includes what you will need to get started, resources (eg. books and websites), overview, history, how to get started, and where applicable - a starter project.

When I cracked the book open I reviewed the list of hobbies and plucked out a few that I already experienced (decoupage and journaling & blogging), a few that I was interested in trying (deejaying and scrap booking), and a few that I like to try when I am retired or if I win the lottery (storm chasing and urban animal husbandry).

I found the chapters about hobbies I had already tried included good information but were not overly detailed. The minimal detail is actually a good thing because otherwise the book would be huge! Each chapter contains a good amount of information to get started or create interest. For instance, I like the decoupage project of jazzing up an old coffee table and the blogging chapter has a good list of resources for getting started.

I was happy to learn some interesting tips for hobbies I wanted to try. I always wondered what are the basic tricks for deejaying. The chapter clearly outlined the steps in the “getting started” portion. Unfortunately I couldn’t try it out because of the limitations of my sound equipment but first chance, I have a playlist planned and I hope to be the queen of the DJ booth at the next rave I attend.

Moving on to the chapter on scrap booking, I was pleased to find this hobby is easy for me to do. I am now creating a place for all those ticket stubs, keepsakes and doodads I have collected from events, concerts, weddings and personal milestones. No more crappy looking shoe boxes filled with “stuff”. I will soon be able to pull out scrapbooks and torture all my guests with a multitude of acid-free trips, I mean pages, down memory lane. Consider this a warning if you are ever a guest in my home.

Now I know I’ve said this somewhere in my archives (probably in a meme) that I would be a storm chaser if I could be any profession in the world. So I was tickled pink when I read that this is a considered a hobby (as opposed to pure insanity). The resources and history are interesting but I’m not sure if this would actually qualify as a relaxing hobby.

As for urban animal husbandry – I totally missed the word animal in the description and was confused for the first few paragraphs. I mean, I understand why you’d need a cage for husbands but the special food?

All kidding aside, the book is a good starting point if you are looking for a new hobby. There is a short (and humorous) quiz to get you started and each of the chapters has keywords in the header describing the “hobby personality”. In applicable chapters there are “if you like this hobby, you might enjoy:” cross-references.

Tina Barseghian created this book to inspire readers to rediscover the “unconstrained, pleasure-seeking state of mind” from childhood, before work and other responsibilities got in the way. It’s meant to be fun and “ inspire you to make the most of the rarest of all luxuries – your free time”. And seriously, if having a hobby is good for your health – bring it on!

Go here or here and leave a comment to be entered to win a copy of the book and a $100 gift card from Michael's Arts and Crafts. It's a great way to start a hobby addiction ;)

wanna date [square]? mais oui!

Three things pop into mind when someone mentions school cafeterias: poutine, date squares, and chocolate milk.

Poutine was an absolutely forbidden food in my childhood home. One of the only time I got to eat them was in the only place where I picked the food - in the cafeteria.

I still to this day love poutine but it's hard to justify those perfectly golden, deep fried, smoothered in gravy french fries with just the right amount of cheese curd (what can I say, I'm Canadian and I attended French Immersion where poutine is mandatory on the menu ).

My mother would faint if she knew how many times I indulged in the forbidden food. I'm actually drooling thinking about it right now, and I'm risking electrocution via the drool puddle forming on my keyboard.

Because one cannot live on poutine alone (why I'm not sure but I'm sure it has been medically proven) I needed something else to balance my other wise scurvy-inducing diet. The answer came in the form of date squares. Delicious and I do believe nutritious, these kept me from rickets and other evil vitamin-deficient ailments.

Oats, brown sugar, and dates - how can it be bad? My Dad and I share this love and it has been passed on to Bumper. When she was sick back in the Spring, the only thing she ate for a few days was luscious date squares. So they can't be all bad, right?

Both of these tasty treats would be washed down with a huge carton of chocolate milk and that is how I made it through the afternoon classes at immersion school.

In my childhood home french fries came directly from the devil, chocolate milk was ladened with sin (or was that calories?), and date squares were guilty of dessert by association.

But in the school cafeteria, I could eat that combo (and I did) every day. How I never developed scurvy is beyond me.

This Motherbumper childhood memory is part of The Parent Bloggers Network Blog Blast "Tales From the School Cafeteria".

Check out School Menu and its parental counterpart Family Everyday, two sites that work together with School Food Services Directors to provide and promote healthy eating and physical fitness for kids and their parents.

Now I must go find some poutine. Don't tell my mom, 'k?

mememorphosis

The very lovely and multi-talented mothergoosemouse tagged little ol' moi for a meme and I was instantly overwhelmed when I read the "rules".

I'm supposed to come up with 18 things that I haven't already revealed about myself on this blog.

18!?!? (f**k, that's a big number).

Well that is darn near impossible but I rarely back away from a challenge (slink away, yes but never back away).

So over a bowl of reheated meatballs (always with the meatballs) I tried to wrangle up 18 unknown MB facts. I burned my mouth on those meatballs because I was too busy racking my brains instead of blowing on overheated meatballs (I sadly am not multi-talented - you should have seen me when I used to be a smoker - no walking and puffing for this gal).

Since I burned my mouth on the meatballs, I had to go inspect the damage with my handy dandy flashlight that I always keep in the loo so I can make such physical inspections. While looking at the RED HOT POKER marks on my precious inner roof top, it dawned on me...

Have I ever mentioned that I'm incredibly vain and somewhat high-maintenance when it comes to grooming? No?

Well there you go, fact one leads to a huge list that may be difficult to narrow down to 18. SWEET!

To my real life friends (yes I have some so shut up!), I might appear frumpy and tired all the time but that I blame on parenthood (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). That said, I still love cosmetics, skin care products and pretty smelly stuff.

But because I grew up more tomboy than anything else, I've always been uncomfortable with this love of outer appearance (I mean, it's all about the inner that is important, right?).

Yet I can't deny my attraction to those displays of crayon-like shades of lipsticks, paintboxes of eye shadows, and all those tubes and jars of wonderful things.

Have I mentioned that I'm also an art supplies and stationary junkie?

Anyhow, it's part of who I am and I'm going to share my list my top 18 favorite beauty and skin care products*:

* Because it's a hot topic, for matters of disclosure I must clarify that none of the items listed have been solicited by a commercial/ad source - it's all me and about how much I love this stuff.

The " I can't (but sometimes do) live without" list of products:

Pardon the crap quality photo, I was just too lazy to reshoot it.

(1) Noxema: I love this cleanser and have used it since I was a kid. Reminds me of summer camp and being a teen. And it works. It also doubles as a moisturizer in a pinch (though not very good under make-up but better than dry skin).

(2) No.7 Refine & Rewind: I put this on after cleansing and before moisturizing and my skin feels like silk - I .shit.you.not. It creates the perfect palatte for doing your face up. It claims to be a mini facial in a bottle and it is, it really is. Best part: you don't need to leave a tip.

(3) No.7 Pamper & Peel Radiance Mask: A facial peel I try to use every two weeks. It's applied with a wee feather and takes off all that crap build up I get from living in the city.

(4) Neal's Yard Rose Facial Oil: for extra dry days or under night time make-up, this oily but fast absorbing (and highly scented) face oil makes a nice moisturizer. Not for everyone but it works great for me (especially in the winter - no more wind-chapped cheeks).

(5) Botanics Conditioning Clay Mask: The best priced and most wonderful mud mask made. Perfect Sunday Morning pick-me up. Also good for scaring the kidlet (in the kindest way possible).

(6) Witch Hazel: Best Toner EVER, 'nuff said.

(7) Elizabeth Arden's Visible Difference Moisturizer: I've been using this off and on since I was fifteen and I always end up going back whenever I have the money to blow on myself. It does it's job and it does it well.

(8) Aveda Blue Oil Balancing Concentrate: I roll this peppermint based oil on the inside of my wrists when tired and sniff it to give me energy (because cocaine is too expensive). I also rub it on my temples when I have a minor headache - easier than Calgon and is a fantastic, portable aromatherapy product.

(9) Body Shop Tea Tree Oil Blemish Stick: I can't believe I still get zits (hello, I'm in my 30s but 13 still persists). When I get them, this product usually heals it (or at least minimizes it) over-night. Oh tea tree oil, is there anything you can't do? No? I thought so.

(10) Maybelline Great Lash mascara: I've tried many different kinds but I always come back to the classic formula (not the waterproof one). I also really like the clear one for eyebrows and daily eyelash plumping.

(11) Revlon Illuminance creme shadow in Vintage Chic: But I like to call them vamp shades. Black, ballerina pink, shiny white and trailer park blue. Perfect for creating anything from classy to smudged from sleeping on the carpet "I just partied all night" eyes.

(12) Rimmell Lasting Finish black nailpolish: It dries quickly and lasts a long time. The only downside is the limited range of colors but they have basic black and that's OK for me.

(13) Smashbox coverstick: I just started using this one and it actually makes me look a little less dead. Not difficult to blend in the delicate under eye area and requires very little so the price seems justified.

(14) Tarte cheek color in Blushing Bride: This lasts a super long time, is easy to use and hard to f**k-up. Longevity justifies the price. And super cool names like Tipsy and Bronze Goddess.

(15) Benefits Color Plump lip crayon Love Ya: I still don't look like Bridget Bardot or Anjelina but the color suits me and I like the crayon format. It doesn't tingle like other plumpers but the plumping actually isn't important to me. This little lips work just fine for me, I'd probably be too overpowering if they plumped up anymore (yeah, right).

(16) Demeter in Ginger Ale: I love this fragrance line and I seriously hate most perfumed products, but this is a nice pick me up because it's not nauseating. It's not overpowering and the scents are unbelievable. I always come back to this one but I love the Birthday Cake and Gin & Tonic.

(17) Rosebud Salve: Excellent lip balm with the faintest hint of pink. Also doubles as a great diaper rash cream or to sooth chapped cheeks in a pinch.

(18) Store brand eyelash curler: I always use this before applying mascara, to achieve maximum curl. I should change the pads more often but at least I remember to clean them every once in a while. I've never tried the expensive brands because these do the job just fine.

Still here? I'm impressed and thank you for indulging me.

What can I say? I can be superficial sometimes but we all have different sides right?

I have my ultra feminine side and I'm letting her write the post this time.

I really wish I was more comfortable with that.

Cheap Toys

My child's favorite toy this week?

A mushroom.

Whatever...

At least this one is easy to replace if lost. I've already done it twice and she hasn't noticed the difference.

In other news (this is more exciting, I swear on a stack of bibles):

We are having the most awesome fantatastic mindblowing defies grammatical boundaries contest over at MBT.

The prize is a A PASS TO BLOGHER!

OMG - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?????? GO NOW!