The End is Nigh!

When I set out to do NaBloPoMo for a second time, there was a personal challenge in mind.

I know, I know - the fact that I claim there is purpose in my writing is unbelievable but it's true.

One thing that niggled my brain while writing over the past... counting fingers... counting toes... counting empty tequila bottles by the laptop... oh crap - however long motherbumper has been around - well what has bothered me is the long-winded style that possesses the writing here.

And that is being lenient. Sometimes the posts have been downright insane.

More than one long, convoluted verbal diatribe has broken out in my posts.

Okay, so few, if any, verbal attacks have erupted - with the exception of this (heated but hardly lengthy*), or this (lengthy but hardly heated*), or my latest focus of how Youtube has treated the Great Breast Fest Montage.
* I know there is a dick joke in there somewhere

So where was I? Oh yes, my ability to prattle on following seemingly endless and unrelated tangents that continue for scroll lengths worthy of a sweaty-faced bible-thumping travelling revival preacher.

This beleaguers me.

NaBloPoMo presented me with the chance to be succinct - a true challenge for someone who is incredibly multiloquent.

I think I achieved brevity and for that I am proud.

There is no guarantee that I will not return to my loquacious ways but at least I can look back on NaBloPoMo with pride.

And oh yes, in case you are wondering, the only book I packed on this current trip to the 'rents house was a thesaurus - thanks for asking!

loonie and mad

For those that asked: Exit Zero empties you right into Halifax off the 102 which is the busiest highway in Atlantic Canada. It takes you right to Peggy's Cove for any touristy-types out there - a place that is well worth the trip. Nothing compares to scaling the granite of the cove - it's dangerous, invigorating, and breath-taking. I say this every single time I come home - I miss the ocean.

**************************

While at the store trying to find snow pants for the girl yesterday, she discovered the International School Bus:



Why it is called that is beyond me. Interspecies School Bus I could have accepted but international? Whatever...

So being oblivious to the rise in cost of kiddie entertainment I fished around in my pocket for a quarter so she could have a ride. I have not ridden on one of these since I was a teen taking part in illegal activities kid myself and thought she would enjoy taking the bus for a spin.

After walking around the bus three or four times with quarter in hand, I found the coin-thingy inside under the steering wheels (apparently this bus requires more than one driver). The cheap old lady in me came out - didn't these things cost a quarter - it cost a freakin' loonie! WTF?:


So I didn't actually have a loonie, but I did entertain her by cramming myself into the front seat and shaking it with all my might.

Apparently I am the wrong kind of loonie but you work with what you got, right?

**************************

Moving from loonie to mad - I actually wrote a completely different post for tonight but *grumble grumble* (and lots of swear words said quite so my parents and Bumper couldn't hear) it was eaten by the technical gods/gremlins who apparently hate me right now. So I will paraphrase and rewrite it when I've gotten some sleep:

I am a firm (more like floppy actually - hee) supporter* of The Maternal League of Justice and back in October I proudly shared my breastfeeding photo to be part of The Great Breast Fest Montage.
* I work with the super ladies as technical support through Tool of the Matriarchy

The montage makes me teary, makes me proud, and makes me say scr*w-you to any group, establishment, or organization that thinks breast feeding is something obscene or should be done behind closed bathroom doors etc. In case you didn't know, the montage was created in response to a breastfeeding photo being banned by Facebook, in addition to other antiquated responses and reactions to breastfeeding that made recent news and headlines.

Well just over a month after posting the montage on YouTube, and after tens and tens of thousands of hits, Youtube pulled and banned the video montage citing the montage "has been removed due to its inappropriate nature". WTF?

The League is waiting for a response and clarification on this outright ban. If it was too risqué it could have been classified as requiring proof of age. What does inappropriate nature mean when you can find breasts, booty, and down-right scary clips by the dozen easily on Youtube?

Get your posts up, participate (see how in this post), and let's show Youtube and anyone else that needs a kick into the 21st century that we have a voice. Stay tuned and I'll keep you abreast (get it) of any new developments.

great name for a band

Exit Zero on Wordless Wednesday

OMG - I'm actually wordless for once.

Oh crap - by saying that I'm not wordless am I?

Damn.

sky high elmo club

We have been up and travelling since 5am.


G*dd*amn Elmo was last to be packed.

The only scene Bumper made today was when security at the airport forced Bumper to put the little red sh*t Elmo in a tray and send him through xray. Security folk are a cruel breed - or so I thought, until the woman who had wrangled the red devil with big eyes from my protesting daughter, ran back from the other side of the xray machine to say "ELMO WAS A-OKAY" and placed him safely back in his keeper's arms. The lady did have a heart after all.

obviously I have no heart
because this is how I packed Shitmo
heck - I tagged him - isn't that enough?

I can't stand Elmo. His voice drives me bonkers. He is a subpar muppet IMO. I was secretly hoping they would detain him.

In the less negative thinking side of my brain: Airplanes with free satellite TV that show Treehouse and TVO are the best thing ever:

Barely a peep until they turned it off.

Then after they turned the TV off, she listened to the lady make the announcements concerning our landing and Bumper gave this lady all of her attention. After the announcements were finished Bumper shouted out "OK! THANK YOU! BYE BYE!" which made the surrounding rows laugh.

We were both hoping someone would throw candy or money but apparently she wasn't cute enough. Try harder next time, would ya' kid?

Trashing hotel rooms is a talent

Something new Bumper learned and I forgot to mention this weekend - a weekend of non-stop sugar highs and crashes. It was like a weekend with a nasty 70's rock band. A cheap, small, yet equally destructive rock band that toured the world post-explosive and debut success - the world is theirs for the taking.

Anyhow, something new Bumper learned this weekend:

Cereal milk makes the best bubbles.

Now the incredibly exhausting weekend is over and sugar coma has worn off after some fitful sugar-nightmare laden sleep.

To update my attempt to buy nothing on Buy Nothing Day - I will admit timbits were bought - .54 cents worth - oh and a coffee because well... I was there and it was so convenient ... but I spent next to nothing and it fell under essentials in my books and OMG why am I justifying myself like this? Bottom line I can live with that. Now if it had been a big screen tv... well I probably wouldn't be telling you.

Today we will probably end up spending all day getting ready for travelling tomorrow - zzzzzzz - I know but it's necessary. Tomorrow we visit family for the week and we can't exactly turn up dirty and unkempt. Laundry begs to be done - zzzzzzzz - sorry to bore you... but I can almost guarantee more entertaining stuff will come over the week. Bumper undoubtedly always gets us into get into some type of shenanigans. Now that's a cool word shenanigans.

Speaking of cool (now how's that for a segue?) - I've reviewed a new children's music CD and DVD over at motherbumper's laboratory: That Baby DVD and CD check it out.

lust for life

Does Betty Ford have a clinic for sugar junkies of the toddler variety?

Day two of sugar overload currently has SB scraping Bumper off the ceiling in the next room in a vain attempt to put her to bed.

At today's crack den party most of the vertically challenged guests wore the following mask of icing glee.


Mine camped out by the doughnut display and double-fisted them until she was forcibly removed.


Tomorrow is going to be a straight diet of veggies with a dash of fruit to stave off any DT's from the lack of refined sugar.

So if my toddler is surviving her own personal bit of Trainspotting tomorrow, I wonder what she will see crawling across her ceiling?

trippin' the sugar fantastic

Today was spent in a whirlwind that involved nine hoards of small children and crazed adults parental units.

We revolved around the craft table, large screen showing Treehouse, Quiznos party platters (OMG best house warming food - seriously, why cook and mess up that fantastic kitchen - it's the last time it's going to be that clean - hostess is due in less than a month).

In all seriousness, it was supposed to be an adult party but every single person came with at least one child under arm. It's reassuring to know that many other folks are also apparently insane.

But back to the Quiznos platters and food: Damn, that food was good and I wanted to park myself by the table. There were devil food cupcakes, fresh, home made, with fluffy icing just waiting to be rolled in the bowls of toppings. I got to eat B's leftovers which consisted of the bottom half, no icing, and some possible ABC* toppings.

* ABC: already been chewed - remember that one from grade school?:
instigator:"want some abc gum?"
victim: "sure"
instigator: "ewwwwwwww you suck, you want already been chewed gum? you're gross"

Despite my obvious obsession with the food table, a full cupcake was not to be mine.

An attractive, wide, shiny, new staircase just begged all of the small children - especially mine - to climb and disappear into the upstairs. This prevented any prolonged snacking. That is probably a good thing but damn, I got one scoop of the five layer deep - NOW THAT IS JUST NOT FAIR.

a small photo essay of our day

DANGER ... DANGER MOTHERBUMPER ROBINSON!
EXCITEMENT OVERLOAD
EXPLOSION IMMINENT

we need more fuel

let's stay up waaaaaaaay past our bedtime
let's make our parents freeze their tails off*

* Truth be told...I stayed out long enough to take two photos and ran back inside.

Yes I suck - but damn it was cold and because I'm apparently a lobotomised idiot, I dressed like it was a cool August evening as opposed to -5 (23).

from the pulpit of motherbumper

Today I'm over at MBT - BlogHers ACT Canada specifically - talking about trying to do Buy Nothing Day today.

BND is a a 24 hour moratorium on consumer spending led by my favorite magazie AdBusters.

I've tried for the past few years to spend this entire day (a normal, non-house bound day) not buying anything. Yesterday I successfully bought nothing but I'm going to try for two in a row.

Unfortunately we are out of bananas and I hear the siren call of coffee. Today is going to be extra hard. Bananas are a lifeline of sorts. So is coffee.

What would you find hardest to not buy? I'm betting it involves caffeine ... am I right?


I'll be updating this post later today to tell you how I'm doing.

Meanwhile I will be reading about the amazing sales I'm missing down south - good thing those across the border and I have no car. I'll try to ignore the fact that Canadian retailers are trying to compete today by having wicked sales. Their efforts to keep the shoppers in the country during our stronger than the US dollar days - while a great idea - is making non-consuming life difficult.

what you talkin' bout willis? no timbits?
someone call my union rep - this is SO WRONG

I'm doing it for you Little Lady - it's all for you

gobble gobble no more

Happy Thanksgiving to all those who are celebrating today.

Turkey cravings abound here at Casa Bump but tonight we had pasta for dinner. You'd think I'd be inspired to do it since I listed cooking a complete turkey dinner on my "8 things I want to do before I die" . Oh well, maybe this Christmas (not holding breath).

Anyhow, my laziness aside, it is fascinating for me how HUGE Thanksgiving is in the States.

Here it pretty much is a long weekend kind of revolving around food. But in the US of A, it seems to be a week long celebration where families resolve or create conflict, waistlines bulge, shopping is key, and vegetables are mixed with marshmallows (which seems so wrong). Or at least that's the impression given to me by the multitude of Thanksgiving themed movies / after-school specials / Hallmark Presents / sitcoms, and the like that I have been exposed to over my lifetime.

Speaking of marshmallows and yams, check out what came up as #3 when I googled marshmallows and yam:

I was googling that because I needed to know if this recipe actually existed and wasn't a figment of my imagination (I live a sheltered life folks - in a cave with cable).

So I clicked because there was a need to know why President Bush pardoned candied yams and if the dishes punishment had been instigated by the Diabetes Association or something like that...

Turns out the turkeys he pardoned in 2005 were named Marshmallow and Yam. Note that if I had read the complete topic, I would have known that but where's the fun it that - I get to accidentally see more porn this way. Opps!

This year the turkeys were named May and Flower.

It also turns out you can vote on the names of these turkeys. I wonder what voter turn out is like for that ballot?

Who's with me at getting the next administration to name the turkeys "George" and "Dick" and then at the last minute not grant them a stay of execution?

I can't believe I just linked to the White House site twice. I am so going to end up on some watch lists.

Now it's my understanding that tomorrow is Black Friday where sales go mad like wildfire. Honestly I've been trying to curb my consumer ways with some success. It's hard but not as hard as I thought it would be.

Anyhow, the reason I'm mentioning that is: tomorrow is Buy Nothing Day. One way to help lessen my impact on the planet is to consume less. I need to think before I buy and sort out need from want, and what impact do my selections make down the line. Check it out over at Adbusters.


I'm going to do my best to succeed tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes. Anyone with me?

cold weather play

Welcome to the motherbumper edition of Wordless Wednesday.

Wordless Wednesday + motherbumper / brain farts = WORDS!


It's the time of year where the apartment hallways become our playground and racetrack.

Who needs a cold, wet, and potentially icy yard when you've got a lobby full of half-cold old folks, humid laundry rooms full of treasure, and a echo-filled basement racetrack?

City living at it's best.

Always find the silver lining.

love hate

Why would I let my daughter get her first prison-style tattoo?

To help me remember important stuff while shopping, silly.

Today is the day motherbumper shares some useful advice to help avoid toxic chemicals in plastic if you need to purchase or use something plastic (because plastic ain't all bad, ya'll).

I got myself edja-macated on plastics and the TV gods told me that these are the plastics to look for and these other ones are the ones I should avoid like the plague.

Safer "love" Plastics:
#2
#4
#5

Evil "hate" Plastics:
#3
#6
#7

And you thought motherbumper was just a sometimes amusing, long-winded, insane lady at the keyboard. Shame on you.

Wanna learn more? Check out this guide at Toxic Nation and this one from the Environmental Health Association of Nova Scotia

btw - I was not asked to write about this - it's just something that is really important to me and I thought someone might be interested in learning more.

Tomorrow I will write about home tattoo-removal methods.

EDIT UPDATE: The always snazzy Kittenpie sent me the link for this wicked PDF which outlines all the stuff you need/want to know when shopping for your plastics. Kittenpie rocks and deserves big slobbery kisses.

like I have time

We've been sucked in by another video game.

SB turned up one day last week with Super Mario Galaxy and hot damn is it fun.

Or should I say "holy crap this is a fun game when I get to play it".

I'm still too uncoordinated to be making headway (unlike SB who is like, already supreme mario, ruler of the universe or something like that).

But I have a weird learning curve with these kinds of games. It just the tricky perspectives that throw me off in the beginning and until I ...

oh - why the heck am I telling you this?

*hangs head* I can be such a nerd sometimes.

So, like I've got the time for a new game.

Mind you, some significant off line time has been in order. I'm doing all sorts of other things - like MBT and my other venture Tool of the Matriarchy.

So when it comes to the video game all I think is "like I've got time". Yet I make time because it so freakin' addictive. The music for this one makes me laugh - such very odd choices.

Anyhow, NaBloPoMo, now combined with a dash of Wii and a thump of the Tool, is going to bring me carpal tunnel, tennis elbow, and a host of blogging/gaming injuries.

Blogging injuries, now there's a new one for me. Do you think I can get insurance coverage for that?

sorta silent sunday

OK, I made that one up.... it's everything like my version of Wordless Wednesday where I babble on and on in a futile mission to be wordless.

Well today I will chatter while violating the sound of silence.

Care to join me?

a fun but cold visit to the park

We missed the Santa Claus Parade but there is always next year (so sayeth the lazy parent).

L8 edition

Gabriella tagged me for that crazy eight meme.

Oh man - I used to love playing crazy eights.

Card games have always been addictive for me.

Perfect weekends away at cottages, camping, travelling have almost always included some marathon or super competitive card tournaments.

But back to the crazy eight meme. "Tag, you're it!" if you want to do the meme, just leave me a link in the comments so I can come and check it out.

So here we go:

8 Things I'm Passionate About:

1. my family (I had to put them first or I'd never hear the end of it).
2. whatever I'm trying to learn, train, or perfect (right now it's Photoshop)
3. my family (actually, I am pretty passionate about them)
4. finding inner peace and happiness (isn't everyone?)
5. movies, movies, and movies
6. music, music, and music
7. art, art, and art - even velvet paintings
8. trying to achieve a greener life
   

8 Things I often Say

1. Yes, I'm listening
2. You didn't say that!
   
3. Noooooooooooooo!
   
4. Just a sec
5. Seriously
6. but I digress
   
7. ok
8. GO!
   

8 Books I've recently read, or are currently on my nightstand waiting to be read

1. Life of Pi Yann Martel
2. Oryx and Crake Margaret Atwood
3. The Tent Margaret Atwood
   
4. The Memory Keeper's Daughter Kim Edwards
   
5. A Million Little Pieces James Frey
   
6. Photoshop stuff
7. CSS and design related stuff
8. at least two parenting books
   

8 things I want to do before I die

1. go north of 60
2. have my own office
3. win the lottery
   
4. cook a turkey dinner by myself
5. pick up Coronation Street again
   
6. spend a few weeks or months at a really great spa
7. own a monkey
8. meet with a real psychic
   

8 songs albums* I can listen to over & over**
* eight songs? impossible so I must name albums which is still extremely hard
** no where near a complete list, I just named the first ones (aka the ones I'm craving) that popped to mind

1. Jane's Addiction Ritual de lo Habitual
2. Daft Punk Homework
3. The The Soul Mining
4. Radiohead The Bends
5. The Strokes Is This It?
6. Pixies Doolittle
7. Morcheeba Who Can You Trust?
8. DJ Shadow The Private Press
   

8 Things I look for in friends

1. honesty
2. something I respect in them
3. extravagant generosity (just checking if you are still reading)
4. same shoe size *nudge*
   
5. some kind of spirit (although those ones possessed by spirits are usually passed over)
6. mutual interests
7. inspiration
8. trust
   

8 things I've learned in the past year

1. the majority of bloggers that I have met in person are loveable and insane
2. two is harder than one
3. two is just as fun as one but less one-sided
4. I'm doing better than initially thought
5. waaaaaaaay more than just how to resize or add text to an image in Photoshop
6. that I've got it in me
7. how to entertain a toddler
8. that my little girl is able to survive a few days without me
   

There you go.

If you are up for it, leave me a link, k?

score (not that you'd know by looking)*

* edit to add: the "not that you'd know by looking" was added because when I originally published this post Blogger wasn't allowing me to upload the photos which made this post very lame.

Best eight bucks spent in ages. I'm glad I went this week - the Toronto Public Library Book Ends stores are awesome.

This purchase just proves how immature I am.

Also, I am confident enough to believe that somewhere out in the great big blogosphere, there is at least one other person who considers this a great find.

edit add: Cynical Dad asked "So how does [Mad] fare today?" - these Mad magazines are all from between 1987 - 1992 and are still as stupid brilliant as my childhood memories. And are in surprizingly great condition. Which makes me wonder what had caused some Parental Unit to confiscate them so soon after purchase. They are seriously in really great condition.

Double word score - this month's Martha Stewart for 50 cents. You know, if you are in to that kind of thing.

Of course something for the kidlet who was very patient. It's a complete collection in good condition. She loves her animal facts.

What has been your best second hand find? Come on now, share. I still haven't topped my Perry Ellis linen wide leg trousers for a dollar.

I'm about to annoy you....

... if I haven't already.

I asked for a tag, and Grumppopotamus walloped me on the back of the head. We have all seen this one a bazillion times and methinks I've probably already done it but hot damn a meme is welcome almost any time. Here are the "rules":

Rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So here it goes:

1. I cannot stand the feeling of fabric against freshly cut fingernails (pre-emery board) - the snaggy sensation almost makes me faint.
2. Any time I go for a mani/pedicure my intention is to get something neutral or girly but when they bring over the ultra-feminine box-of-crayon rack of nail polish over for selection, I will always pick black or something close to it. It's an act of rebellion against pink and all things neutral - can't help it (and sweet juju, I'm almost 40 so any hope of maturity is long gone). Last time it was Midnight in Moscow - OPI's Russian line. Damn, I should have gotten Suzi Says DA!
   
3. I dream about wonderful meals of days past. During first year university the father of an acquaintance, in an effort to show off for his daughters friends, treated us all to one of the finer restaurants in the city. Her dad was a total ass and showboat of a man but she was nice. But back to the meal - I had this dish that included medallions of chicken in a marinara sauce that rocked my world. Nothing has come close since. Oh and in Thailand I had this dish at almost every canteen we hit for lunch - called No Name Chicken. Red, spicy, perfect morsels of chicken rolled in sesame seeds and a sauce I could never identify. Each time my friend and I tried to get the recipe out of staff, they would laugh at us and bring us more. OMG I want some right now.
4. I used to - and still do to an extent - collect hats. Most of my collection is buried in my parent's basement but some of my favourites are here with me. One of my all time precious millinery works of art is my maternal grandmother's seal pup hat. Yes - you read that right - it's made of baby seal. Now don't go all PETA on my ass. This hat is older than you and all your friends put together, and while I don't like the clubbing of seals, there is another side to that story. Maybe I'll do in another post - one where I crave some hate comments & mail.
5. I have a slightly OCD thing about Bumper's toys. I count her Potato Head pieces each day and make sure all is accounted for - I arrange her puzzles just so - toys are sorted and put in proper places almost every night before bed time. Even the kid knows her mom is weird. Thankfully, I got over the crayon arranging and just gave her a box to keep them in. Those were making me hyperventilate.
6. I love squirrels. Like I really love squirrels. Really love squirrels. I could watch them all day.
7. sh*t, you're still reading? Damn... one more thing... umm.... I own dozens of black t-shirts and hate them all. Replacing my favourite very thread-bare one has been a two year process with no end in sight... anyone else like that? I used to be that way with my jeans but found a pair this summer that I will wear until they disintegrate. I kid you not.

And there you have it seven boring things about me. Whoops, I mean seven random things about me.

So now I have some tagging to do. You know what - I never like this part - maybe that should be on my list. Hmmmm... who do I want to learn more intimate, crap stuff random shit interesting, and titillating things about?

1. Mac & Cheese
2. Jessica from daysgoby

Two, seven, whatever.... I never said anywhere I could count.

lookin' good Mr. Squirrel

Who you calling a geezer?

Even though this is my Wordless Wednesday post, as usual there still is some babbling.

Geezer Bar - Lamai, Ko Pha Ngan, Thailand 2001

This photo doesn't do it justice. My craving for a cold Tiger while being called pretty lady by every dude selling something would be nice right about now.

Note the Sad Clown painting above the bar - maybe he's sad because I'm not there.

Damn, I'm gonna get kicked out of Wordless Wednesday for being too chatty.

But if I get kicked out, it won't be the first time I've been shushed.

And if you know anything about me - shushing me won't keep me down - or out.

That Donkey!

Today wasn't as bad as it could have been. I thought based on Sunday and Monday that I would still be fully sick at this point.

I'm probably cursing myself by typing this but I'm actually feeling wa-a-a-a-y better than I expected to at this point. Thank you for all your well wishes.

Wait... did I just have a blog healing?

Maybe I could exploit inspire others with my experience. I smell money coming from this idea.

Oh I kid, but still it's nice to know that there are some really nice people out there.

Thank you and I hope you are feeling better also - because oh my holy heck - everyone has this cold!

Anyhoo... moving right along.

yup - right along now...
...
...

um

oh my... I think I have blogstipation.

How can that be? I have a dozen gazillion things to write about and I'm coming up with nada - buttkiss - total donkey.

Crickets are totally chirping and I have no control over this.

You know why? Because I haven't been out and doing stuff. And being sick is uninspiring. And I haven't been out visiting. So I'm going to cure this. I'm going out and get reading some blogs.

Best inspiration I know.

Oh please let me tagged for a meme somewhere... did I say that out loud? opps... just a little slip *hint*hint*

hey dad - mommy just fell into the 'puter...
is that bad?

And did I tell you that I got my Bh.D?
Oh yes, Oh, The Joys who rocks my world far too much, gave it to me for (and I quote - as you can see by these quotes)"record breaking cuteness" - oh yes me cute with a tinge of potty mouth.

Oh wait... did she mean Bumper?

Whatever, I am grateful for this honour because it's all official looking and now maybe people will start taking me seriously.

On second thought, please don't start doing that.

I don't really mean some of the stuff I say on here [currently heard inside my head: CYA. CYA. CYA back pedal NOW]. Man, when I worked as a consultant I used to hear that in my head all the freakin' time.

*sigh* good times.. nothing beats an awesome project related crisis and even better recovery. And the ones that failed always made for good war stories.

Know what... I must stop talking before I get myself into trouble.

Gone out reading folks... looking for inspiration or random tags.

Cheetos, Aisle 12

I'm actually enjoying NaBloPoMo save for one thing...

I can't find the freakin' time to leave comments when out a-visitin' and this is driving me a bit batty, y'all!

I'm still sick but on the bright side Bumper is on the mend - save for that scary man-cough that refuses to shake loose.

Excuse me sir, where would I find the tequila?

Thank goodness Bumper is able to do the grocery shopping for me.

What?

Oh don't tell me you think two is too young to go to the store for mom?

Pfffffft

We used to send the cat pre-Bumper but he always shorted us with the change.

best parts

Best part of today for Bumper:

Waking up to her sweet new art easel. We meant to get this aaaaages ago but being completely lazy procrastination inflicted really busy parents, we waited until it basically became an early Christmas present.

she loves all things messy and colourful

Best part of today for SB:

Bumper sitting on my lap after bath time, whips open my robe with both hands, and shouts "DAD! Look at this!".

photo will never be available

Best part of today for Motherbumper:

The moment that it dawned on me that going out to buy that damn easel yesterday morning - even though I had a billion other things to do - was the best damn thing I could have done... because I'm getting sick. I woke up this morning feeling like someone had used sandpaper on my throat and beat tiny little pillowcases full of tiny little oranges on all my joints.

Sitting Bumper down in front of whatever artistic materials she requested (dry markers? sure. chalk? yup. crayons? here you go little lady, draw away - I'll just lie on the bed over here... and rest my eyes... no I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes) - well those magical arty materials entertained the little lady like she was inspired by the Masters.

Monet mostly, in case you are wondering.

I've dosed myself with everything that I can think of taking, drinking tea which just makes me pee, and am going to head to bed as early as possible (okay - so I'll do at least three of the above).

Here's hoping Monday has mercy on me.

Statistics tell me: I'm f****d.

voices in my head

Calm before the Storm: Bumper on Friday

Today, both SB and Bumper woke up sick.

This time it's a bit different from our other times of pox. Bumper and I usually rotate playing the Typhoid Mary role and SB is the hapless stranger, trapped in our midst. Good thing he has such a strong immune system must be all that blood of... whoops... uh nevermind.

But immunity has failed SB today. Today it appears that I have managed to evade this cold but the odds are against me. I usually pick up everything that is going around [insert own joke here - yes, I'm THAT tired and lazy].

Somehow Bumper is managing to maintain her energy and seems to enjoy having an icky runny-all-over-the-face nose. I say that because any and all tissue-application requires a cornering or tactical ambush surprise attack approach from behind.

Her energy levels make no sense - how is it possible to be so obviously sick and yet able to run circles around both her parents and both the cats? HOW?

SB deserves a medal. He still kept her entertained and distracted each time I looked like I was about to go insane and rip my hair out in chunks while I got things done.

It's barely 8pm and I want to go to bed.

My 21-year-old self is very VERY disgusted with me.

I can hear her calling me a luh-ooozer while doing the entire L-shaped fingers to the forehead.

Like, I totally can.

motherbumper doesn't like getting mad...

... but it does happen from time to time.

In fact I rarely get serious here at casa bump but today I am.

In fact, I pity the toy that makes motherbumper mad. Or in this case toys.


First up is a kids craft product called Aqua Dots I saw advertised on TV. I thought looked kinda cool - like those stained glass kits my sister and I made when we were kids but less dangerous because no oven involved - just add water!

Oh how wrong was I about not being dangerous - it turns out this product turns into the so-called date rape drug "GHB" - gamma hydroxy butyrate when eaten. Five kids have been hospitalized and are in comas.

Isn't that the most whacked out and ludicrous thing you have heard in this long, long list of toxic toys? What happened to the days when the only thing you needed to worry about was a chocking hazard - instead of little Timmy swallowed a tiny bead and now is in a GHB induced coma?

Next up is someone close to my heart - Curious George. He contains lead - yes A PLUSH TOY has traces of lead in his hat and face paint. Thankfully Bumper's George is over twenty years old and has never poisoned anyone (to my knowledge).

And those are just the toy recalls I've heard in the past 24 hours - I would be writing for days if I tried to cover all the ones I've heard in the past few months.

I don't even know where to start when things like this happen. First off it gives me the icky feelings - like I have a conscience or something. Oh I kid, I feel remorse when I've done something bad but OMG how do those toy retail and manufacturing executives sleep at night? Do they let their children play with their products?

So seriously, what does someone like me do?

Educate myself because as that fine historical fancy pant philosophical dude Sir Francis Bacon said "Knowledge is power".

The homeboy himself, Sir. F Bacon who is
probably six degrees of Kevin Bacon

So what am I to do with this powerful knowledge once I get it?

Well the folks at Consumers Union (think of those super useful Consumer Reports) are looking for 30,000 parents to volunteer by 11/14 to be Safe Shoppers. Safe Shoppers will make sure that local retailers and stores know that we are tired of these toy recalls.

Simply put - toys shouldn't be dangerous. If we sit back and just let these toy recalls pile up, nothing will get accomplished. Retailers and manufacturers will think it is okeey dokeey to produce or sell dangerous, killer products. Heck, if it's cheaper to buy, sell, and produce a poisonous product and no one complains, what incentive is there for them to change their ways? None.

So let's join together and make a collective voice, one that says no more dangerous toys!

Join me would ya? I pity the fool who doesn't!

This post is part of the Get The Lead Out! Blog Blast hosted by the fine folks over at The Parent Bloggers Network. Check out what is going on over at their site and also with the Toxin Avengers over at The League of Maternal Justice.

GHB wasn't on the label!

Wanna know how much I loved personalized stuff? Check out my latest review over in motherbumper's laboratory for Printakid who make personalized books for children.


And later this morning I will be participating in the Blog Blast "Get the Lead Out!" with the Parent Bloggers Network and Consumers Union. Right now I'm toddler wrangling and she doesn't like it when I try to work on the "puter".

Toys should not be dangerous - oh it makes me mad that this is even an issue. Please join in this really important blog blast - I - heck, everyone - wants to hear what you've got to say.

I'm definitely not Letterman

Top ten things I do not let Bumper play with:

10. Pharmaceuticals
9. Semi-automatic guns
8. Make that: any kind of gun (including staple)
7. Rusty or brand-spankin' new nails and needles
6. Broken glass
5. Cleaning products
4. Insecticides
3. Poison
2. Knives
1. Aquadots

If you haven't heard, this craft toy turns into GHB if ingested. Teeny tiny dots that turn into the date-rape drug. The Toxin Avengers over at The League of Maternal Justice are all over this one.

The Parent Bloggers Network are hosting Get the Lead Out blog blast tomorrow - it's partnered with Consumers Union (the unbiased folks that produce Consumer Reports) - read all the details here.

Participate - I know I am.

Now back to regular programming:

"Bumper: self-portrait" by Bumper using Mommy's camera

"Give Back!" captured by Mommy on Mommy's camera

thinking about those last nice days of Fall

Wordless Wednesday.


I've always meant to participate.

Now I have.

wait... did I screw up because I wrote words?

damn

yes, I'm talking about naps... AGAIN

As you may know, the nap fairy has been skipping our house as of late.

Which has sucked.

But I'm not sure what sucks more:

The fact that the nap fairy has come by at 4pm every day for the past few days to sprinkle nap dust in Bumper's eyes, and kick sand in my crotch

OR

The former situation where we were wrangling an unnapped, foul-mood toddler to sleep after dinner every night.

Because having Bumper bright-eyed and bubbly until late night is not as fun as it sounds.

unfortunately this is not an artist's interpretation
but a real genuine sleep fairy

Right now, I'm not a fan of the sleep fairy... despite my admiration for the comfortable shoe choice.

Wonder what I did to make karma come and slap me so hard?

Chez Bumper

I think I have found a new stylist:

She's affordable.

She can be paid in Smarties and I enjoy the conversation.

She always tells me I have nice hair.
It seems worth the whacks to the head.

And totally steering and careening way off topic...

Check out the top result for google searches that lead straight to me:

1. hee - yah, uh... sorry, can't help you - I love everything swedish
   
2. purse things are always on my list
   
3. yuck - the toenail clipping shows up every now and again
4. this one just got a song stuck in my head (which is fine with me)
5. this is a new one
6. and this one is always, ALWAYS on my list - snowsuits for adults - I dunno, the image always makes me giggle - I know it's a normal thing but for some reason, snowsuits on adults make me giggle.
   

better late than never: Hallowe'en recap

I never told you about our Hallowe'en evening.

Just for the record, SB and I loooooove Hallowe'en and usually have a nice cozy horror fest staying-in date night but this year we had to rain cheque it. Damn. It just doesn't have the same thrill in November.

Anyhow. Pre horror fest, we were supposed to go out begging for candy with friends but this no-nap situation has really made late day activities darn near impossible.

Correction: completely impossible.

She wore part of her costume for 2.9 seconds, where I had only enough time to snap all the these photos:
All done with the distraction of a plastic yet gleamingly realistic sword.

I never said we were going to win any parenting awards (well that is, ones for parenting positive attributes).

Without going in to whine and detail (which would require me to have whine wine) - Hallowe'en evening was a bust - a tiring, but normal night in.

She was asleep right after dinner. I soon followed.

It's rough being two.