the thin pink or blue line

(sung to the tune of Going to the Chapel. My apologies to The Dixie Cups)
Going to a shower
and I'm gonna get misty
I'm going to a shower
and I'm gonna get wistful

Seriously, am I the only one who gets all "ohhh I wanna another one... NOW" whenever I see a newborn?

No? I didn't think so.

I firmly believe that nature makes us forget the sleepless nights and sore butts&boobs so we will create siblings. I can barely remember the early days and it was only 18 months ago.

But this post isn't about me - it's about a virtual baby shower that going on right now (with games and prizes). You can join the party now through Sunday - go play the games, I'm in there. It's fun stuff folks.

The shower is for Liz, Christina, and Tammie who are all ready to go (if not already going) and the shower hostesses have requested posts about the best advice and assvice garnered from parental experience.

Since I have a tendency to go on and on and on ad nauseum, I will spare you my long-winded a'vice and keep this mercifully short.

Best Advice:
Newborns don't need toys. Nada. I ran out to the store two days pre-Bumper and madly bought rattles and books thinking "OMG - how am I going to entertain this child? I NEED PROPS!".

Yah, I required about as many props as I would need to entertain a sack of potatoes (no offense kid). My face and her Dad's mug was all the kid needed for entertainment during the first twelve-weeks.

Best Assvice:
Oh about everything that was said to me for the first twelve weeks of her life.

Oh, I kid (kinda).

No seriously, I couldn't decide which was the assy-ist.

I think I disliked the assvice:

"don't give the kid a soother or they will (a) never learn to latch on properly (b) have buck teeth (c) become a smoker/drug-user/drug-dealer/republican or (d) never get into university"

I became so scared of soothers that by the time that I realized how magical a cry-plug could be, it was too late. My little girl would never have an oral fixation/addiction and I was stuck with only my own boobies to stick in her mouth.

So that's my a'vice ladies. I send best wishes to the new moms and babies and I hope that all the kind words from all the wonderful parents out there comes in handy.

Sack of potatoes eh?
Why do I feel like I need a smoke right now?

Boca Beth... bringing Spanish to life!

Several weeks ago, The Parent Blogger Network asked me if my family and I would like to review a children's language learning program. I've always felt that Bumper should learn at least one more language; it would benefit her education and employment opportunities and it would help her order drinks in all the fun countries. So when the opportunity to learn some Spanish presented itself, I jumped at the chance.

For the past few weeks, we have watched and listened to a children's series called the BOCA BETH Program. BOCA BETH is designed to help give babies and young children a head start in learning Spanish through fun activities and music.

I couldn't have better timed another children's DVD/CD review myself. The past month has brought the Bump family many, many sick days, which means we have watched many, many children's programs and videos.

The package we received from BOCA BETH included the musical CD My First Songs In Spanish, the DVD I Like Animals, a Boca Beth Coloring and Activity Book, a Boca puppet and a maraca. Bumper immediately took a shine to the maraca and the puppet made her laugh.

I like the content in the activity book. Simple drawings with the identifying word(s) in Spanish and English make up most of the book and there is a handy pronunciation guide in the back. In addition to the coloring book portion, it also includes a few games and puzzles for older children. Bumper, at 18 months, is too young to use this type of material but it will probably come in handy down the road. Letting her loose with crayons is very scary in a home-decorating kind of way.

We watched the DVD "I Like Animals" together. The DVD incorporates the usual method for bilingual vocabulary learning: hearing and seeing the words coupled with corresponding images to reinforce the new language. The vocabulary portions are coupled with children enthusiastically singing and dancing to songs.

Bumper responded with claps and laughs to certain parts of the DVD. She really loves the songs with children singing and dancing. She hasn't been overly interested in the voice-over parts where the Boca puppet talks about the animals in Spanish and English or the classroom session but each time a song starts up, her attention is focused on the TV.

I'm happy that the menu offers a song feature so we don't have to watch the entire show each time. It would have been nice to have a menu feature that allowed for all the songs to be played back-to-back instead of having to return to the menu at the end of each song.

After watching just the DVD for a few days, we started to listen to the CD. I prefer the CD to the DVD because Bumper is more active when listening to the CD songs. We dance, sing, and yell out loud to the songs (this really helped me learn the Spanish words). All the songs are set to familiar tunes and the lyrics are available on the product site. I can't say that I love listening to all the songs but they were all easy to learn which is important. The other important aspect is that Bumper likes the songs.

From using the CD and DVD for a few weeks, I've learned more than a few Spanish words. Most are basic words like counting to ten, colors, the days of the week, familiar greetings and manners. Knowing these words will make it easy to reinforce them with Bumper during our daily routine. In addition to the new vocabulary, I also have some songs stuck in my head that I'd like to forget but it's the price I've paid to know the difference between aquí and allí.

Bumper loves the songs and is interested in watching the children on the DVD. The all important "parroting" of words happened during songs. Her favorite words to repeat have been aquí (here), allí (there), and si (do I really need to translate that one?).

I'll say that parts of the program are an acquired taste but it's a taste that Bumper has definitely acquired and that is what is important to me.

All of these products can be found on the BOCA BETH official website and the CD and DVD can also be found on Amazon.com.

One Tiny Treasure found

There is a store across the street that is only open Thursday through Saturday, and just for a few hours each day. Book Ends is where withdrawn library books, magazines and other materials go to find new homes.

I love the store for a multitude of reasons, I love giving back to the community, I love books and magazines, I love the prices, and I especially love finding a treasure like this one:


Fifty-cents folks. That's all this tiny little book, Alligators All Around by Maurice Sendak cost me. It was published in 1962 and is in mint condition.

In case you are wondering, it's for me, not Bumper.

Have you ever found a wonderful treasure like this at a flea market, jumble sale, or second hand shop? I love hearing about those stories so please share. Like one time I found these Perry Ellis linen pants in off white and my size at a Frenchy's store on the South Shore of Nova Scotia. I paid a dollar for them and they were my best dress pants for-ev-ah (until a surly and shifty roomate took off with them - but that's a whole other post).

So share with me your story - write a post and leave me a comment and I'll come check it out. Or just leave it in my comments. I just love to hear these stories.

New posts are up at MommyBlogsToronto and Her Bad Mother has lots to report on her recent trip. Go check it out now (no shame in promotion here folks, no shame at all).

And if you are in Ontario and a blogger, you should join the new MommyBlogsToronto Blogroll (not a lick of shame folks, seriously, I'm shameless).

todo list from hell

This is what our ToDo list looked like at the beginning of our weekend:

• move futon
• clean floors
• taxes
• rearrange our bedroom
  
• deck stuff
  

Yes, I actually write out a ToDo list and post it on the fridge in hopes that we might just accomplish one or more tasks.

Yes, I am delusional.

What our ToDo list should have included:

• move futon
• go to ER
  
• contract pneumonia
• reflect on why our family has been punished with illness for over four weeks

Because that would have been the ToDo list we completed.

BWB

Do they have a blog award for the blogsphere's worst blogger? If so, I'm pretty damn sure I should win it this month. Holy crap, where have I been?

Well first off: I've been hanging here doing behind the scenes stuff. Seriously go check out the Beta version of MommyBlogsToronto and tell us what you think. We love feedback (that said, constructive not mean feedback please - I can't really work with "you suck" because I know we don't, if I say so myself) (and I will). And I've got a new article up about joining a car co-operative so if you are interested, go check it out (please) (thank you).

We are having our first contest over there, and if you live in the GTA or near Toronto go check that out too. It's a wonderful feel-good kind of prize but I'm not going to tell you about it here, Sunshine Scribe does a much better job over at her Mama Karma column.

Second: (*deep breath*) I know you are sick of hearing about it, but I've been sick. Like "I've had little keebler elves pouring quick dry cement in my sinuses, slightly-deaf, can't taste anything" kind of sick. But I'll spare you deals.

I'll leave you with this. It made me laugh (and has drunk potty mouthed toddlers yelling at Will Ferrel - what's not to love?). (And I love the "I want my money" best - reminds me of Bumper *sigh*).



EDIT: The video has been removed from YouTube but you can watch it at Funny or Die here.

Cute Overload has nothing on her

Now that Bumper is a robust eighteen month old I have discovered she loves to have tasks to do. These errands make her feel smart and part of our daily routine. The world no longer just happens around her, she is a productive member of it.

When she claps for herself upon successful completion, I can't help but feel proud of her accomplishments.

She loves it when I send her off with a stack of fresh laundered tea towels to place in the kitchen or ask her to grab a wash cloth to throw in her bedtime bath. I'm constantly amazed at how many words she understands and how she nails even complex multi-tasks.

Now that we are in this pre-word communication world, she has "trained" us to understand her requests. She is very clear at asking for snacks during the day even though she doesn't have the words. She waves her favorite CD at me and says "Hi" for her favorite DVD (the first spoken word in the show is a young girl saying hi).

The other evening during the daily pre-bedtime mayhem, Bumper toddled over to me with two books and gave me that "read these mummy" motions. Both were bedtime books and both I enjoy to read to her anytime of day: Goodnight Moon and Pajama Time.

I didn't have time to sit down and read with her so I politely asked her to take them to her bedroom and we would read them later, before bed sweetie - I promise.

I rushed off to do whatever supposedly important task I needed to do and forgot about the request.

Bump went to bed without fuss and SB and I settle into our evening routine. I worked on MommyBlogsToronto Beta blog and he watched hockey. For the first time in 18 months, our life has a bit of predictability and I'll admit that I like it. I like it alot.

When I headed to bed later that night, I discovered something that just made me sigh.

On my bedside table sat those two books. She had placed them by my bedside instead of hers. Maybe she thought I needed a good night read to send me off to pleasant dreams. That little lady does things that amaze and delight me every single day.

I think I just jumped the couch

I knew it was going to happen soon but the fact that I missed the date really drove home how busy I've been lately.

I've been so busy the past week that I haven't cranked out a decent post AND I missed my own freakin' first blog anniversary.

Yup, it was a year ago this week that I worked up the nerve to start my own blog. I'd been lurking around the 'sphere for a couple of months and decided if I was going to start commenting, I'd better have someplace established so that the other bloggers didn't think I was some kind of lurking weirdo who liked to leer at their children and touch myself while reading their breast-feeding stories*.

* not to mean that by creating a blog establishes I'm not a weirdo. I just establishes that I'm not that kind of weirdo.

When I looked back to check what my first post was about, I realized that some time ago I had trashed the first couple of posts. I don't have an issue with bloggers who like to purge once and a while - Helen taught me many things. But it made me happy to see that my almost first post was the first one to get a comment and lone behold, when I went to see who was the lucky numero uno commentor, it was HBM. How's that for cool, considering a short year later our daughters like to drop-kick each other IRL.

When I decided to create MB, I wanted this blog to be a recording of my observations on being a parent - a diary. But my original intention and purpose for creating Motherbumper, besides establishing that I'm not that kind of weirdo, has been lost in silent battle. This was supposed to be my diary, my personal and somewhat anonymous rambling of how motherhood has impacted me. Yes, me.

Sure I like to mention the kid and husband once and a while but I started this blog so my head wouldn't explode from the impact the meteor called motherhood took on my brain. How it impacted my entire being actually. I made a separate private blog for my family to enjoy and Motherbumper was created so I could talk without fear (realized or not realized) of repercussions. And, like most things, it didn't work out that way. I knew the 'sphere is a public place and if someone found me, they found me. Oh well.

But for the fellow-blogger people that found me, I made some of the most wonderful friendships and some in real life. For that, I am truly grateful. 'Nuff said.

*************

Now that that ramble is over, I've got to tell you what I've been doing and what has been keeping me from my own blog postings.

MommyBlogsToronto is in relaunch mode and I've been buried in templates, CSS, and Photoshop in preparation.

I actually love this kind of work but Bumper does not. She will only let me work during naptime and nighttime which has made me cranky. I was hoping SB would be able to distract her so I could get stuff done but she is a stubborn lady (wonder where she gets that from?) and if I'm at home, I must participate in all things Bumper.

Oh how I love her and how she loves to drive me insane. But enough about my frustrations at the hand of the world's most adorable and lovable tyrant. Go check out the new format, visit some of the interesting new-to-MBT bloggers. I'll be talking more about this over the weeks as we work out all the kinks - there is some great stuff up already so check it out.

*************

Hey remember I was being interviewed by Mama Tulip but I went insane and started rambling on tangents that even Matt Lauer wouldn't be able to control? Well she has been gracious enough to come back and ask some more. What a brave wonderful lady.

I will try to refrain from getting too verbal this time and I'll try to just answer the question. You know, I'd suck if I was ever arrested, I just wouldn't shut up. Be warned, in case you ever go partying and prankstering with me - do you hear that fellow BlogHer people?

Anyhow, moving right along...

Mama Tulip: When you were a kid and you thought about your future, is this what you thought you'd be doing?

Motherbumper: Nope. How's that for a short answer Mama T?

Mama Tulip: Well done MoBo, I'm surprized by your restraint.

(Motherbumper is sitting on her hands because that prevents her from talking for some reason... she is squirming... she is sputtering... she can't stay quiet... AIEEEEEE!!!)

Motherbumper: Oh sweet xenu, I can't leave it with just that!.... HELL NO, I never thought I'd be a mom much less a responsible human being. I wanted to be a mercenary, an independent unit, a free-spirit in every meaning of that annoying term!

I thought I would be all tough and stoic and would leave a trail of broken (and apparently bleeding) hearts where ever I tread. But then puberty hit, hormones beat my a*s, I discovered Teen Beat magazine, Duran Duran, ska music and my plans went to hell in a handbasket (hee).

I started getting wishy-washy, pimpled, dreamy and with that, lost focus for about... oh maybe... twenty-odd years. Fast forward to my 30's and I married SB and wanted to make babies. On occasion, I yearn for the freedom of youthful dreams but who doesn't think that way once and a while?

(Mama Tulip waits a moment, comes out from underneath the chair from where she hid when Motherbumper launched her surprize attack and smooths out her clothing).

Mama Tulip: (grumbling to self, whispers) I really need to fire my producer... where does he find these wackos?

Motherbumper: What was that?

Mama Tulip: Nothing. Let's move on. So tell us about one of your most embarrassing moments.

Motherbumper: That, Mama Tulip, is a story I could only tell in a basement setting, if you catch my drift. I should go and tell that one downstairs amongst the ladies, wood paneling, and Dunhill haze really soon. It's really just too much for daytime tv.

*************

And with that, I leave you hanging again, just like in the soaps. Will MB ever finish her interview questions? Will she ever post a non-meme again? Will she ever stop talking like some crazed voice-over announcer? Stay tuned to find out the answers to these questions and many more on the next episode of "As The Motherbumper Turns Insane".

poxed (which is nothing like charmed)

Edit added below:

At one point this past weekend, I was sure we were worthy of having a front door that looked like this.

It's the kind of home decorating that just screams "stay away" doesn't it?

Yup, we all got sick, one by one. At least the virus was kind enough to stagger our worst phases so that there was always one of us strong enough to help the others.

It really couldn't have happened on a worse weekend. Wait a second, doesn't everyone say that?*

* in case you are wondering: yes, this is a really long excuse as to why I haven't blogged lately in hopes that you haven't erased me from your blog reader or roll because you were pretty sure I quit posting.

I'm pretty sure that everyone does say that but we are talking about me right now and when I read any excuses similar statements on their blogs, I will believe them without a doubt.

Oh golly, all that self-centered talk sounded bitchy. It must be the lack of sleep and hugging of the porcelain god that put me in this self-centered snit.

Anyhow, enough reflection, let's get back to me.

I had made plans for both days. I was all lofty and thought I would do all sorts of Spring cleaning and organizing related things, stuff I actually wanted to do.

And then after finishing all the wonderful organizing that surely would have made me worthy of my own HGTV show, I would tackle my To-Do list. This list incidentally is in need of it's own purging and is as long as my arm (I sh*t you not, it really is).

So needless to say I got nothing done. Except the laundry (oh the laundry... *shudder* at the remembrance).

Grrrrr... stomach viruses are evil. We were all healed by Monday (of course) and I've been trying to catch up on a million things ever since. Tonight SB reminded me that I haven't posted in a gazillion years (or so it seems) so I thought I should continue my interview with Mama Tulip.

And to boot, I also was tagged by NoMotherEarth to contribute to the super cool Real Moms meme which I really (rilly, rilly) want to do.

But I'm saving these posts for *gulp* sometime soon.

They are near the top of my To Do list, I swear. A To-Do list full of really exciting things that I cannot talk about prematurely but I'll post about that very, VERY soon.

And regarding the memes I have half-composed? I'm pretty sure they fall somewhere on my list after "eat" and definitely before "get a good night's sleep".

edited to add:
I have to send a huge "thank you fellow parent, for saving my a*s" shout out to Chag at Cynical Dad. He did an interview with the people from "Jack's Big Music Show" which I had only read about on his site but never witnessed for myself. Well let me tell you, the show is freakin' amazing - it doesn't make my ears or eyes bleed and B loves it. For Ontario parents it can be found on TVO Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. I freakin' love it. Yesterday they sang a song about string that rocked. Yes folks, a song about string. And it was awesome.

Nothing beats phenomental kid's tv when the parents are sick. NOTHING!

B, one day pre-plague
if only she knew what was about to hit her
she probably wouldn't have licked those handle bars