because monkeys always make me laugh

So I've been sitting here forever (only a slight exaggeration) waiting for YouTube to give me the code so I could link to this video directly but I don't have the patience right now to figure out what is holding it up so I'm just supplying a link until I can fix it.

My In-laws forwarded one of the following 30 sec spots to husband and I easily found a compilation of the campaign on You Tube. What can I say? I want a trunk monkey.


An excellent example when advertising works (or in my case fails because I want the monkey, not the car).

Anyhow, I was trying to come up with a post, any post and it dawned on me why I had nothing to talk about: I've been house-bound for days, some spent entirely alone because of the business trip.

Sure, Bumper provides fun and a blog load of entertainment but after a few days everyone gets bored. Right now I'm not up to telling you how many times I've read her this book. And I also can't tell you how many times I tried to switch to a different book but nope, today it was all about Mr. Brown. Yesterday's selection was Max's Bath and I really can't stand that book. Max and Ruby are strange. That's all I have to say.*

* actually I also need to say that when I was looking for images of Max and Ruby, I found this Max and Ruby who would probably be loads more perplexing to read.

I hope we are feeling better by tomorrow so we can go to Music Munchkins because that is one fun class. Last week the instructor had a brightly coloured parachute which Bumper did not initially like. Bumper was a bit suspicious and she stood in the corner, hands clasp and turned slightly away while I sang with the other adults and pulled around the parachute with seated little ones on top. I encouraged her to join us but she would have nothing to do with it. She wasn't crying or upset, she just wanted to watch from a distance.

After a while we switched up and the kids got off the parachute. This time the adults counted to three and threw up the chute up while the kids ran in and that caught Bumper's interest. Soon we started to make an "igloo" with everyone inside and tucked under. Right after I ducked in, I saw her move forward. The mom sitting next to me also saw Bumper move and brought up her side so she could run in.

If you could have seen the look on her face when she took the plunge and ran under. I could tell that she was proud of herself and happy that she joined in. She looked up and saw how the chute puffed right up and she was in a tent with a whole gaggle of giggling little ones.

We really need that kind of day.

pay it forward

Rebecca over at Girl's Gone Child is providing the code for a fantastic button supporting Another Mother For Peace. AMFP has been around since the late 60s and their vision is easily summed up in this single sentence: "War is Not Healthy for Children and Other Living Things".

Go read Rebecca's post and check out AMFP's site for more info. Peace can only be a good thing.

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So what has Motherbumper learned this past weekend? That boasting rarely goes unpunished.

Pain is what I get for bragging about my new found daytime freedom during nap time a punishment of pain and misery.

This definitely goes under the category of TMI but I must repent for tooting my horn about how wonderful Bumper's nap time schedule has matured.

I developed mastitis.

OUCH!

It started on Friday night when I had two symptoms that at the time seemed unrelated. First I felt like I was developing a cold and I also had a mysterious bruised feeling under my left arm. Any shoulder movement triggered sharp pain. Combined with the general aches of an emerging cold, I was tres cranky. By Saturday morning I was completely sick with aches and pains in joints I didn't even know I had. My chest felt like it was being prodded with a million tiny red hot pokers and breastfeeding was torture. I dragged out all my gazillion and mostly useless parenting books and confirmed a self-diagnosis of mastitis (best description of symptoms found in The Mother of All Baby Books - by Ann Douglas). I then had it medically confirmed.

Many doses of extra-strength Tylenol and hot compresses later, I am left with mild cold symptoms plus one sore and beat-up looking hooter. Hard to believe that how I feel now beats red hot pokers any day.

So why do I share all the boring and painful details with you? If I can help one woman deal with the symptoms earlier then I did, I will feel much better. Please, if you think you are getting a cold and have what feels like a plugged milk duct, take the Tylenol, do the hot compresses and get ye to a doctor!

I do not wish that pain on anyone - ever (and I'm a vengeful gal).

I'm taking it easy tonight as husband is still out of town. Oh yeah, did I mention he's on a business trip? Talk about timing. Gah!

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Naomi has a really informative post up at Mommy Blogs Toronto on what and where to do things with your kids in T.O. (including kid-friendly coffee spots! Sweet!). Excellent read for anyone in or traveling to the T-dot.

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Check out this article on baby names in Alberta - can you believe someone named their son DiezelBlaze? He will be a force to be reckoned with and I sense he may rule the playgrounds in years to come.

I wanted to give Bumper the name Tuesday but was vetoed by husband. Sigh. Anyone else out there who wanted "unusual" names but didn't use them?

Day two! AHHHHH!

I can't believe it, I'm blogging from bed IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY for a second day. UNFREAKIN' BELIEVABLE! Sorry for the blatent abuse of punctuation but I'm really that excited.

Sure, I could be posting about more important things (or for that matter, interesting) like:

How Mommy Blogs Toronto has some awesome new posts up. Kittenpie and her book pics rock (can't beat the basic ABC's baby) and Metro Mama reviews Mary Lawson's latest book The Other Side of the Bridge.

Or I could be writing my own post for Mommy Blogs Toronto - a non-scientfically tested review of two new-to-me cleaning products that I've tried in my home in my attempt to become greener. And when I say greener, I mean earth-friendly, not actually green, which I probably didn't need to clarify. Not that there's anything wrong with being green.

Or I could be writing about how on Tuesday in swimming class I was the mom-flunkie who forgot a diaper for Bump to wear after taking off her disposable swim trunks in the locker room. And there were no other mom's to beg/borrow/steal a diaper off. So I just put her tights and pants on and told her that going commando is the new hip thing to do. And I also begged her not to pee or (shudder) poop before we got home. And how I did a happy dance when we got home and she was dry as the Sahara. High five Bumper, you get a gold star.

Or how at gymnastics yesterday Bumper received her first sticker for completing her log roll and she promptly ate it.

Or how I watched the movie The Black Dahlia and it sucked. There was so much wrong with that movie I could probably start a blog about just that (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit but it sucked). There were so many roles miscast and the script was stilted and weak and I'm still reeling from the miscasts that it makes me cry to type these words. Scarlett Johanssen is stunned, Josh Harnett should still be in diapers and sorry Hillary Swank, you look too mature to be playing that role. Aaron Eckhart worked with what he had but he seemed to spend the entire movie running around and punching things. Save yourself the pain and read the book.

Nope instead of talking about those potentially more interesting things, I'm going to post about how freakin' comfy it is to be in bed, with my laptop, a box of Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs and how much I love my duvet when it is -14 outside with a windchill of -24. Because weather like this calls for a warm duvet and a cup of tea. Stay warm kids, winter is finally here.

Blogging live from my bed...

I am currently blogging from my bed.

No I'm not sick.

Nay, I am rejoicing.

Bumper is sleeping and it's not on my lap or next to me. Yes folks, I am a whipped mother who still (at age 15mths and 3/4) can only attain that sweet daily nap (regretfully only one) by napping with baby.

Yup. I'm whipped.

If she isn't on my lap, she is next to me in bed and hell hath no fury like a baby who wakes to not find Mom right where she left me. And she checks. Often. I've tried leaving her side before folks and it's not pretty.

But there is a new routine in town and here's hoping I'm not cursing it by posting about it. We are taking classes every morning and they are timed just so. Just so that they coincide with nap time and on the walk home from whatever activity, Bumper drifts off, all tucked into her fleecy, comfy, making-me-yawn-just-by-writing-about-it stroller.

So back to why I'm in bed. It's the only spot in the apartment that is far enough away from where she is currently sleeping that poses no danger in waking her up. Because I will drop kick the first person / cat / inanimate object that dares to make a sound that might/will wake her up.

Hell hath no fury like a Momma scorned.

Now to go and catch up on commenting because I miss ya'll (why do I talk like Britney Spears in my head? Too much US Weekly me thinks... must break out Harpers and Adbusters before I lose command of the English language and world events... anyone else out there suffer from this Britney affliction, or something similar? Because sometimes I talk like I'm JLo, just 'cos I can.)

Mom... why do you keep saying
"you are getting sleepy, very very sleepy"?

When all is quiet... check the troops

I'm so happy you all love the new digs. Thank you and thanks Izzy!

The other day I was sitting on the couch, chatting with husband and enjoying being back in my own space. Ten days is a long time to travel without the other half and while I love staying with my parents, I love being back in my home.

So I was soaking up the wonderful quiet time, surrounded by toys, stuffed animals, board books and mini-sized furniture.

Wait, this didn't seem right; it's never quiet when Bumper is awake.

Unless she is doing something b.a.d.

Remember the golden rule: If the house is quiet and the kid is awake, something is being perpetrated.

I walked slowly down the hallway, checking the rooms, reaching the bathroom last. This is what I found:


Remember this: Unpack the make-up bag instead of leaving it on the counter (like one could back in the single days). Moisturiser is a SOB to clean up and greasy babies are hard to catch.

a little black dress ain't got nothing on this outfit

So you probably think I just cut my hair but that's not it. Lost weight? Nope that's not it either but thanks for asking.

I'll just tell you: I got a redesign baby.

The amazing Izzy from IzzyDesign created this new and cozy home for me. It feels like what I wanted my locker to look like back when I was in school and I can't believe that she created this after just asking a few questions.

First she sent a banner and I said "I LOVE IT" and then she sent another one and I said "I can't believe I love it MORE" and then she did some amazing things with the template and I was just so freakin' happy and I was in complete awe of her talents.

Seriously folks, I sent her a few images and weird descriptions of my style and somehow she made something cool out of my blatherings. But I'm not really surprized because she has talent galore. I mean, have you ever read Props and Pans? Izzy blows me away.

Well I hope you all love the new venue (so awesomely won in the Her Bad Auction) because I feel a whole lot better sporting something that fits oh so fine. Now if only I could lose that baby muffin-top.

Outpost posting....

We will be back to regular scheduled posting as soon as she figures out how the land the plane. This leg of the Bumper's 2007 tour just started and she's in demand folks. As soon as the dust settles we will post. Thanks for your patience.

15th months already? Where did the 80's go?

One year ago Bumper was unable to sit up unaided. Three months seemed so old back then in her Bearly Sleeping sleep set.


She drooled all.the.time. and wore all the wonderful bibs I received as gifts. I swear the this one is the size of a quarter, so cute and wee.
I’m floored by what can happen, right before my eyes, over one short year. I can barely remember when she couldn’t move around without my help or a force of nature.
Happy fifteen months lil’ Bumper.

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I'm relieved that the Toronto Rec classes have finally started. I was beginning to run out of things to do with Bumper that didn't involve a mall. Because malls make me spend money and that is bad.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow because we are going to do gymnastics. I wonder if I'm going to turn into one of those crazy batshit sports parents that totally push their kid way over the limit.

Nah. I'm too lazy.

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I finished watching Miami Vice last night. It is too long a movie but for me it was worth the use of a precious two hours and fifteen minutes (unrated director's cut).

The theatrical release didn't fair too well as far as I can tell but I'm a sucker for stylized with a mediocre script. It's sexy, hot, and totally captures Miami right down to the those freaky lightening storms that make such a haunting backdrop.

I'm not going to even try to describe the plot because it's the regular boys-meet-thugs-&-drug story so I won't waste ink. Everyone knows the characters and even though I think Jamie Foxx's Tubbs was underused, Colin Farrell surprized me by not being a pretty boy. He made Crockett kind of slimy (like I remember him) and really played the playboy with flair (I guess he drew from real life - hot damn, I can be mean).

Overall the movie looks damn good and I can forgive the fact that I couldn't hear half of what the characters said. It didn't matter because the story was easy to follow and catch-up on.

I know that doesn't sound like a good movie and I can't say it is, so I can only give it a shoulder shrug and no thumbs up, just a fair-to-middling hand motion. I also cannot support a film that uses a Phil Collins cover for a key scene because I can still be a snobby teenager that always groaned when his videos invaded my Video Hits.

But if you like flicks that look good and want to see some really sexy blush-worthy scenes, this is the movie for you. I was impressed with the use of silence throughout the film, especially in scenes that usually would be auditory overloads (chase scenes, fight scenes and the like). Life is quieter than Hollywood leads us to believe and this movie was a nice switch from that.

Friday night and this is what I'm doing?

Is anyone else as anxious as I am to see this new CBC show, Little Mosque on the Prairie? I wish I had known about the kick off at Dundas Square yesterday featuring camels and chicken shawarma. Dang I love good shawarma. I'm also a sucker for good CBC comedy. Please let this be a good show and let it last more than one season.

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Am I the only one who cannot upload photos to Blogger? I haven't been able to since last night and I'm so freakin' frustrated. I want to hurt Blogger but I can't because it doesn't care. Damn you Blogger.

I'll update this later when I can upload photos. Peace out.

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Blogger is working again so I'll finish my babbling...

I bought a new hairdryer. My old one was about 12 years old, had a huge crack up the side that sometimes cut my hand if not held properly, got super hot to the point of burning my hand, and if I turned it off before I was done drying my hair it would not turn back on until it fully cooled off (which usually took an hour - no shit).

Why didn't I replace it sooner? Honestly I can be cheap and lazy like that. I don't think I even bought the one I just replaced. I'm fairly certain a friend was throwing it out and I said "I'll take that". Damn I can be cheap sometimes.

The new one is very slick and it doesn't hurt to use. Bonus!

It also has a button that I wish all appliances had:

Do I sound any less dorky?

Resolutions and Returns

I've made some resolutions and I hope that I don't fail. I usually avoid this "new year, new resolve" stuff but this time I'm doing it for the little nipper.

(1) Be less naggy and bitchy. I'd like to think it has been due to the past 15 months of sleep deprivation but how do I explain the other thirty odd years of chronic complaining? Wait - don't answer that.

(2) Do those daily ab crunches my doctor prescribed when I was in for my "well woman" routine check-up. She scared me with tales of pant wetting and Holland Tunnel comparisons and that was enough to get me crunching at least once a week. Now I will try for more frequent ab bustin'.

(3) Eat more chocolate. This one is so I won't entirely fail.

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I had an interesting discussion with my mum about toys and the "age recommendations" found on the packaging. She told me about how she was insulted when a family friend gave my sister a puzzle recommended for 2 year olds and my sis was around five at the time. To her, the gift said that the giver thought my sister was not to bright (or, as I suggested, the giver may have grabbed an unused toy from her collection to give and didn't really think too much about it). Either way, it seemed insulting.

Since I've become a mum myself, I have received a gift for Bumper that was recommended for a way younger age classification and initially I was miffed. Later I decided it wasn't worth fretting over and figured a gift is a gift, it's just nice that they thought of us.

Anyone else out there encountered something like this? I'm probably putting too much thought into something not worth burning brain cells over.

Rental of the Week: Oh the horror!

O.M.G. I saw the scariest, made-me-watch-through-my-fingers, movie the other night.

Actually, I should say we just finished watching the scariest movie which we started watching three nights ago because in recent days we have not been able to watch a movie in one fluid, continuous, consecutive, whatever-the-word-is, period of time.

No, no, these days Bumper has reminded us that adult together time is a privilege granted by her and not our right, regardless of our attempts and tireless quests to keep her happy. She seems to have a knack for waking up about an hour into every film we have tried to watch together over the holidays. Bumper must be in a sleep regression, or whatever you call it* phase and depriving us of (1) chill time and (2) sleep. It's probably due to the travelling and will solve itself but I'm probably screwed in it for a long haul because we are going away again next week. I'm so screwed.

* I plead sleep deprivation for the obvious problem that I'm exhibiting by being unable to find the right words to get my point across - my god, does that sentence even make sense?

What happened Bumper? We were doing so well but now it's just like ol' times way back a few months ago when sleeping was something done in two hour periods punctuated with crying that could not be self-soothed and always required one of us. Sigh. I thought those days were behind us.

Anyhow, enough complaining and more movie reviewing.

We rented The Descent and for the most part I enjoyed it because it actually made me squirm, scream and feel like hyperventilating - and this was all before the freakin' scary creatures made a debut. Now that's good.

It does have it flaws and it was confusing sometimes to the point of annoying because it takes place in dark caves and some of the characters look alike. And if you are anything like me, names don't always stick unless the name is something like Al Capone, Moses or Eric Cartman so trying to remember if that was Beth or Sarah proved difficult and once they were covered in blood, sweat and the general look of horror, well heck, they all looked alike.

But these flaws did not outweigh the fact that it was able to invoke the feelings of claustrophobia, fear and oh f*ck mentality that I want from a horror movie. I'm not watching it for the plot, I'm watching it for the splotch.

So to get to the point, it's not for the faint of heart or someone who can't tolerate plot issues and continuity errors (a few that are glaring as a white polyester pantsuit on your Aunt Gladys). But I love the fact that it didn't depend on stoned teenagers, sex or scantily clad girls to draw in the audience.

It focuses on a group of outdoor adventure seeking women who know each other in varying degrees. While on vacation they decide to check out some caves in the Appalachian mountains and we all know what kind of folks can turn up in those parts. No offence to those kind of folk or those parts. Anyhow, I'm off topic again.

With only spoiling a little bit, the movie revolves around guilt, the unspoken secrets of relationships and how much trust is the foundation of friendship. And oh yeah, gross looking blood thirsty cave creatures.

Sure, it's no Psycho when it comes to the script and sometimes the choices the characters made didn't completely jive but the flaws appeared necessary to keep the story moving. Suspension of disbelief is heavily needed in watching but the sheer terror of claustrophobia alone is convincing and had me breathing into a paper bag. When I want horror I like to squirm and this one did just that. I give it one severed thumb up.

Note: I watched the unrated Directors cut and I've heard that the rated American version has a different ending. Since I was not satisfied with the ending in the unrated release I'm curious if anyone saw it in the theatre - feel free to email me and let me know how it ended (motherbumper at mac dot com).