Hallowe'en: the most wonderful time of the year

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So it's been so long, I don't even know where to start so I'll just jump in:

Last week I met another cool mommy blogger in person. I'm always (1) glad that the person I've only read over cyberspace and via email turns out to be funny and very easy to talk to and (2) is a parent to an amazing and cute little lady (check her out with Bumper). Bri and Samantha from Our little funny bunny are so easy going, I felt like I already knew her. And I guess I actually did already know her because I always try to read her posts and we chat as often as busy parents can. Blogging just gets better and better everyday.

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This past weekend, Bumper went to her first wedding. Husband was in the wedding party (remember the bachelor party a couple of weeks ago?) so I had to wrangle her solo during the mass and keep her from creating too much destruction in her wake. I was hoping she wouldn't try to get to husband during the ceremony (she didn't).

However, she did like the sound of her voice in the church so she made many hoots and da-da-da sounds. You know, just to make sure everyone knew she was there and to ensure everyone would turn around to see her in her cute dress. She also threw my car keys a few pews ahead (always fun to crawl around while nicely dressed) in order to protest the fact that I forgot to bring her monkey or any toys for her entertainment. I know, I know, I suck.

Overall, it was a success and husband looked damn hot in his tuxedo. The friends who married looked absolutely wonderful and I couldn't be happier for them. They are both so smart and kind and they aren't the type that you hate because they are so damn smart and kind. It was a great wedding and husband and I got to dance the night away while Bumper had her first night sans parent, under the watchful eye of her Auntie. Damn sweet. No meltdowns, she was asleep only an hour late and she slept well all night. Does it get any better?

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So here I am on one of my favorite nights of the year and Bumper has gone to bed on time after a fun day swimming and pumpkin related activities. She was supposed to be a ninja ladybug but that idea was revisited for a couple of reasons: she didn't care for the headgear and I didn't trust her with the throwing stars. So she was a regular ladybug. Okay, she was a freakin' cute ladybug.

I know I look cute but this headgear has gotta go

even bugs need their bisquit breaks

Well the night is still young so husband and I are going to watch The Hills Have Eyes, eat good food and drink red wine. Sweet.

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Hey - I'm taking part in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) and have committed to making a post every single freaking day in November. Based on my recent track record, I'm looking at failure but I'm going to do my darndest to prove my pessimistic outlook wrong. Fussy has organized this and I'm really looking forward to pushing myself. I'm in so much trouble. Wish me luck.

Happy Hallowe'en!

Sunday Night Feats of Amazing Stuff

Three little steps last night.

Those three little steps were absolutely mind blowing and if husband hadn't been there to witness her wonderful first steps all done while holding the following three letters in crammed in her little hands, I doubt anyone would have believed me. The first steps combined with the letters in the right order were overwhelming. Not that I'm bragging or nothin' but she clearly is a genius and this was not some random coincidence. The fact that those particular letters were three of only six letters on the fridge has absolutely no statistical significance in the likelyhood of a baby selecting and carrying those particular three letters around in her chubby little hand. No way. She's special.

Honestly though, all in all she didn't seem that impressed by her achievements of both walking for the first time and successfully spelling my newest moniker which leads me to think she's probably been walking and spelling every single time I've turned my back or left the room.

And to think she managed to reach this milestone with me pushing her down every time she tried to balance on her two feet. She really is a trooper.

one of these days

These boots are made for mockin'
(my apologies to Lee Hazlewood)

Guess who got new boots yesterday? Ten guesses and the first nine don't count.

She hates them.

I say too bad.

TV sucks on Tuesday nights

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I threw Bumper's tights up on the shelf tonight and noticed that the landing made them look like little sitting legs. Ghost legs. Very Hallowe'en. So I took a picture:

Please ignore my complete lack of housekeeping... please.

I also noticed that Bumper has enough Senator's Official NHL gear to outfit the world's most cute and wee hockey team:


Do you know how difficult it is to walk around with a Sens outfitted child in Toronto? Ever heard of Battle of Ontario on Saturday nights? Thank goodness the wearing of this rival gear only happens when I have absolutely no clean clothing for the little lady or I want to make Husband grin when he gets home from work. I'm a Leafs fan but I'm not fanatical about my team, like other members of this household (ahem).

Seriously though, I have walked through the grocery store and had a man look at Bumper and give her sad look (omg, look at that poor little girl) and then shoot me a really dirty look like I have her dressed in rags or something equally cruel. I'm pretty sure it's grounds for calling Child Protective Services in this hockey town. I'd better watch my back.

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I should have listened to you folks sooner, this Blogger Beta is kind of fun and a heck of a lot easier to use compared to the old tools. So obviously I've been playing with my template again and please excuse the mess on my blog. I feel like I'm currently living in a mid-renovation home and I keep having to show my guests through the dropsheet strewn, wall-less foyer and halls into my kitchen. Because I'd host my guests at my kitchen table, feeding them fresh cookies and tea. Seriously - I would.

very bad things?

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Husband went to a bachelor party this past weekend.

When he came home his hands looked like this:

cat scratches perhaps?

He said it happened playing paintball.

I'm wondering if I'm going to show up at that wedding and witness a bride going balistic over the bachelor party antics which involved burying a body or something equally bonding for the groom's wedding party.

I'd like a little warning so I can have the camera ready in order to blog about it.

the peaseidon adventure*

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So Bumper had her one year check up this past week. I don't really dread the height, hearing, eye and all the inbetween check-up or even the vaccination-wrestlemania but I do not like the weigh-in portion.

To start, the doctor has a poor baby scale. It was okay for when she was 4 weeks old and immobile but now that she is a swinging-from-the-rafters one-year old, I doubt the validity of his measuring intruments. No one is that quick and percise with a non-digital scale. No way. I dread the scale portion because she is so light but tall. Her size makes sense to me even though she sometimes drifts below her percentage every so slightly. I'm tiny and husband is slight and tall so I have no issues with her size until appointment time arrives. After the weight portion I always end up leaving the doctor's office thinking "I'm not getting her to eat enough! I'm such a crappy mom! Gah!".

And this past week was no different. Once again he asked me to come back in a few weeks to weigh her again (because I challenged his scale) and since then I've been running around trying to tempt Bumper to eat anything (except for cardboard which she really loves).

Tonight the "anything" was peas. I followed her around while she was busy rearranging couch cushions (or maybe she was looking for spare change). I carried the bowl of peas and she would stop every so often, beckon me over and take one pea. Just one. But the important thing was she ate it and she did. She ate many and my arm hurt from holding it steady and strong while she picked out just the right pea. That pea usually required a quick chase around the bowl and other peas. Darn those pesky peas, so slippery and quick.

At one point she was challenged by one elusive pea and this lead to obvious frustration. She stabbed at it using her little and somewhat uncooperative fingers yielding little success. Then suddenly (as if to sneak up on it) she lunged at the bowl, nearly knocked me backwards and fell face first into the peas. No one was hurt, no tears fell and another peatastrophe was averted. She got up, ate her pea and resumed her redecorating challenge.

Damn that scale for turning me into a veggie sherpa. I'm thinking fishing weights are next on the menu.

* my apologies to Paul Gallico et al.

bitacle still sucks

If you are reading this post on a site other than motherbumper.blogspot.com or with Bitacle.org in the address, you are reading scraped and stolen content.

I hate it when I get angry and lash out, swearing and all. It's undignified. Thanks to all the other upset bloggers I've read some information and tried to calm myself down. So I've switched my feed to short as cleverly suggested by the always smart and level-headed Sunshine Scribe. By making my feed short, I hope most of my future feeds will feature an opening paragraph like the one above so maybe I'll be dropped - one can dream.

Okay, enough tears about that. For now.

Anyhow, regardless of mom's mood Bumper says today is a great day to fly!



Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What a way to spend a Sunday. And yes, that is our cat perching on my D.I.Y.-and-cringe-everytime-you-walk-by-it room divider. E has used it as a scratching post for a few months now and I guess one day he decided it was scalable. Last week he worked up the nerve to do the big climb and he has been racing up there ever since. Now I have one more place to clean up the never-ending cat fur. Great.

That is all for now.

bitacle is the spawn of satan and run by losers

BITACLE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE PUBLISHING ANY OF MY POSTS AND PHOTOS. THEY ARE STEALING FROM A BLOGGER WHO HAS COPYRIGHTED HER CONTENT.

If you are reading this post on a site other than motherbumper.blogspot.com or with Bitacle.org in the address, you are reading stolen (as in WITHOUT PERMISSION) content.

I'm so pissed off about this Bitacle thing that I'm going to rip someone a new one. Please excuse my language and all but stealing content is for mo'fo' losers. So I'll be republishing my posts with the following annoying stuff:




Screw you Bitacle and the horse you rode in on.

still harping about her birthday

Screw you Bitacle and the horse you rode in on.

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I really wonder who exactly composes the audience of Lost because the ads I saw during tonight's episode made me really wonder. I watched the ABC feed since I wanted to watch something else at eight. Anyhow, the ads I saw during one break were (in order) personal lubricant for couples, Ben and Jerry's Phish Food and Rogan for Men. It really has my head going to some places I'd rather not go. Actually, I'll stop this thought thread right there.

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Moving right along.

Thank you all for the birthday greetings for Bumper. She is tickled pink. Seriously. She is. You'll see.

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For Bumper's birthday I actually made a flipbook that I was going to post on the blog. But I couldn't get the darn thing edited down to under five minutes so I decided to spare you all the pictures, cute as they are and fancy-like and set to my favorite sugary song, a little ditty that makes me feel like an Anime character.

Instead of the torture-like slideshow of my really cute baby's first year I will share this picture from our family birthday party. Which we had in a bar. I'm not kidding. Heck, we all know the party is for the adults.

So for those who were curious to which dress I ended up getting (drum roll please), I got them both and she wore the girly one to this party. With her leopard print shoes. Oh yeah.



Bumper had cameras in her face almost the entire time (and for once it wasn't me trying to capture every moment). I wanted to enjoy every moment because the idea of a whole year already passing (heck, it's not an idea anymore, it's a reality) has me once again re-evaluating what's really important. How I'm using my time. How fast time moves now that I'm an adult (oh cripes, what an admission). How quickly it ticks since becoming a parent.

Bumper has all the time now.

I remember what that was like. Time crept so slowly and the days lasted forever. Especially the ones before summer vacation and Christmas.

I'm so happy it's hers now.

first she makes me wear pink
now she making me wear a crown...
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Honestly folks, the crown was not from me. In fact I objected but was overuled by Auntie and Nana. I just don't want her getting any ideas about who runs the show. Oh who am I kidding?

thanks for the monkeys

Screw you Bitacle and the horse you rode in on.

Taking an unnapped one-year old (omg, she's one!) to a nice restaurant is like taking a ticking time-bomb with you and having no idea when it's going to go off. You know it's going to explode and only when is the question.

Today is Canada's Thanksgiving. My lunatic family was here for the past week and I'm thankful that the week is almost over. Amen.

OMG, did I just say that?

Anyways, moving right along, my parents planned a wonderful meal for us downtown and we showed up with our little time-bomb and no Jack Bauer to save us. I couldn't for the life of me get a nap into her before leaving and I knew it was a matter of time before complete meltdown ensued.

Thankfully (see, it really IS Thanksgiving day) the restaurant was near empty and we had the most amazing host for our dinner. When my Mom made the reservation she mentioned that Bumper was going to grace us with her presence and ask if they had a highchair to accommodate her majesty. The place was happy to serve a wee one year old and asked about Bumper's favourite character or animal because they would make her a balloon animal. Mom said she is crazy about Curious George and all things monkey related (she gets that from me) and made the reservation for dinner.

When Mom told me about the balloon animal I didn't think much, I mean, you've seen one wiener dog, you've seen them all. Hey kid, here's a wiener dog, and look, now it's a kitten.

Anyhow, when we arrived for our turkey, the host seated us and later before we had dessert, he brought out this:


Have you ever seen a more beautiful balloon monkey in your life?

EVER?

I don't think so. Check it:


Turns out John, our host, does this for children's parties so if you live in Toronto and want more information just drop me a comment and I can forward you his contact stuff. He makes toy, cartoon and wearable balloons and he's not pushy. I actually had to ask him if he did this professionally and I mean it when I say this guy is talented and good with kids. I was impressed.

So I think it bought us an extra 20 minutes on the time-bomb detonator and prevented a mid cheese cake explosion. Which is always important to avoid.

Because I love me some pumpkin cheesecake with parlines on top.

365 days ago

At this time, 365 days ago, I was finally told I could push. And push, I did for over three hours.

At the two hour mark I knew something wasn't quite right even though none of us had ever done this before. My newly acquired mommy instinct told me something wasn't going well.

Thank god that Dr. Z believed we could do it without heading to the surgery and that I just had enough energy to get you into the world with a little help from our friend the vacuum.

I remember the feeling of "OMG, we're parents" when I saw you emerge in those first few moments, that precious moment in time where you were half way between your comfortable hot-tub existence and this cruel world. You looked angry but I've never seen such a beautiful sight. I had prepared myself for one of those squished old-person faces but that is not what I saw.

Happy Birthday Bump, here's to another 365.